My husband's daughter uses her child as a pawn

[Myheadisspinning]

My husband's daughter clearly has BPD. She is in her late thirties, divorced and the mother of his nine year old grandchild. On occasion she presents as normal, nice and caring, but that is only temporary. She takes anything you say and twists it into an attack against herself. She lies and manipulates. She makes false accusations and rages at loved ones, unprovoked. All of this is unpleasant but my husband doesn't really deal with it that much because she essentially shuts him out of her life. The major issue is his grandson who she prevents him from seeing. She also attacks her mother who helps her all the time and babysits at the drop of a hat. If her mother talks to her father (they were divorced decades ago) she verbally abuses her and threatens to bar her from seeing her grandson. She has now shut her own brother out of her life because he talks to their father. Although she acts nice to her father by calling him sometimes, behind his back she bad mouths him to her family members. My husband desperately wants to see his grandchild but doesn't know what to do.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bpd mother]

This is so difficult to deal with. My adult daughter has Bpd and can see criticism in the most innocent comment. We have three grandchildren who we used to see several times a week. It breaks my heart to be kept apart from them. My daughter cut us out of their lives 6 months ago. Your husbands grandson is 9 now and if he can somehow keep in contact through letters , emails or phone calls maybe in a few years his grandson will be able to make his own decisions  on whether he wants to visit. Good luck