Re: Ive decided to end my therapy.

[Think About It...]

H has mentioned that part of the letter several times; hospitalization that he underwent, often for months at a time, had an interesting effect on him.  He would feel very, very safe.

He knew that decisions were being made for him, that he didn't have to decide what to wear, what to eat (altho often psych wards allow patients to go to a dining hall and choose among the meals offered) when to sleep, when to shower, etc.

Since most of those hospitalizations were 6-8 hours' drive away for me, in an extremely cold winter environment, I would visit approx every other weekend.

Also, since it was usually at the VA Hosp, they were often treated to a bus ride to a nearby city to see major country singers or others perform.

If he were sick enough, he agreed.  As it turns out, not even the VA hosp had a facility for a 5-year stay, so that never would have happened.

But H did have some really top-notch psychiatrists treating him over those years.  I recall one grandfatherly old fellow, when I'd driven most of the night to get H down to the hosp ... he talked with him and put him on the lockdown ward, then came over to me, tears in his eyes, and put his hand on my arm, saying:  You've really had a terrible time of it, haven't you?

Boy, did I lose it!  I can be strong and stoic, but show me some compassion and I'm melting butter.

marnie

[marnie]

H has mentioned that part of the letter several times; hospitalization that he underwent, often for months at a time, had an interesting effect on him.  He would feel very, very safe.

He knew that decisions were being made for him, that he didn't have to decide what to wear, what to eat (altho often psych wards allow patients to go to a dining hall and choose among the meals offered) when to sleep, when to shower, etc.

Since most of those hospitalizations were 6-8 hours' drive away for me, in an extremely cold winter environment, I would visit approx every other weekend.

Also, since it was usually at the VA Hosp, they were often treated to a bus ride to a nearby city to see major country singers or others perform.

If he were sick enough, he agreed.  As it turns out, not even the VA hosp had a facility for a 5-year stay, so that never would have happened.

But H did have some really top-notch psychiatrists treating him over those years.  I recall one grandfatherly old fellow, when I'd driven most of the night to get H down to the hosp ... he talked with him and put him on the lockdown ward, then came over to me, tears in his eyes, and put his hand on my arm, saying:  You've really had a terrible time of it, haven't you?

Boy, did I lose it!  I can be strong and stoic, but show me some compassion and I'm melting butter.

marnie

[At_Bay]

It was good of you to make the long drive after the mistreatment you'd experienced as the kind doctor said. The not liking decision-making is familiar. When my H is weak and needy, it falls to me, and my therapist said that is so nothing can be H's fault.

On a side note, my H is increasing his visits to therapy to once a week rather than every 3 wks.
When he told me about increasing his visits, I thought it was a good time to tell him I'm ceasing therapy.

At the time of my decision he was looking for a trigger for a scene, so I waited to tell him. As mentioned earlier, he eventually created a victim mode of sadness followed by accusations and I told him "You need help." and to call his therapist for a quick appt. Funny, his increasing his visits occurred same time I stopped my therapy, without his even knowing about it. Bad vibes? No, while circumstances can never be "his fault" I've learned in therapy not to assume it must be mine.

At Bay