His So Called Friends

[Think About It...]

When he and I were apart for that three-month period he was living back in his hometown with a bunch of male friends.  My bf's attempted to contact them at their house yesterday only to discover that the phone number has been changed, so he decided to contact one by email to no avail (to ask him about web sites relating to music).  The one guy called our apartment in a drunken state a few weeks back and directed unkind comments at me and informed me that my bf needed to get away from me for a period of time and have some fun and informed me that my bf's said that.  I ended the conversation very quickly and the guy new I was not pleased.  My bf knows that this guy is not welcome in our home and he agrees with me on that.  I confronted my bf on that and he was very upset and informed me that if I believe what was said to me he'd be disappointed in me.  He did have words with this guy and the conversation ended briefly.  My bf has gotten himself all stressed out thinking that these people are avoiding him (I certainly hope they are out of his life because they drink excessively and smoke pot and my bf is working hard at staying sober, these individuals are not a positive influence) and when my bf was in jail recently for the few weeks due to the probation violation issue (he admitted that violating it was a mistake), these individuals were nowhere to be found.  They did not support him whatsoever.  I was the one who did.  My bf thinks that may be these guys are jealous that he has a new life, support, and is doing so well (these guys don't work, lie around all day doing nothing, just drink constantly).  My bf is doing so very well, I hope those guys are gone for good.  I have told my bf that he needs to surround himself with positive individuals and healthy relationships and he agreed with me on that.

[supergrl4601]

When he and I were apart for that three-month period he was living back in his hometown with a bunch of male friends.  My bf's attempted to contact them at their house yesterday only to discover that the phone number has been changed, so he decided to contact one by email to no avail (to ask him about web sites relating to music).  The one guy called our apartment in a drunken state a few weeks back and directed unkind comments at me and informed me that my bf needed to get away from me for a period of time and have some fun and informed me that my bf's said that.  I ended the conversation very quickly and the guy new I was not pleased.  My bf knows that this guy is not welcome in our home and he agrees with me on that.  I confronted my bf on that and he was very upset and informed me that if I believe what was said to me he'd be disappointed in me.  He did have words with this guy and the conversation ended briefly.  My bf has gotten himself all stressed out thinking that these people are avoiding him (I certainly hope they are out of his life because they drink excessively and smoke pot and my bf is working hard at staying sober, these individuals are not a positive influence) and when my bf was in jail recently for the few weeks due to the probation violation issue (he admitted that violating it was a mistake), these individuals were nowhere to be found.  They did not support him whatsoever.  I was the one who did.  My bf thinks that may be these guys are jealous that he has a new life, support, and is doing so well (these guys don't work, lie around all day doing nothing, just drink constantly).  My bf is doing so very well, I hope those guys are gone for good.  I have told my bf that he needs to surround himself with positive individuals and healthy relationships and he agreed with me on that.

[John Galt]

Super,
I do agree that your bfs' friends operate under ''misery loves company'' and they would love to drag him into the gutter with them.
This ''gossipy little sewing circle teenage GIRL'' who phoned and told you that your bf said this as well is nothing more than that,a teenage girl,not a man!

Kudos to your man and dealing with it and supporting you and your correct decision on this issue.I would let it go right here,and please do not bring up those people to him as if it was his fault they called(not that you would,I'm just mentioning that as a kicker).
Marc

[supergrl4601]

Hi ruthless, excellent advice and thank you for that.  You are so right.  I believe (I have no proof though) that when that one guy called that he was trying to split my bf and I up (this guy that called has no permanent residence, he's just living in the house with the rest of these guys, not paying room and board or anything).  I believe he was wanting to get a place with my bf.  My bf has indicated that would never happen.  He doesn't want anything to do with this guy anymore.  He is concerned about the other guys though.  I am of the opinion that these guys need to grow up and act like mature adults.  I can see why they are alone.

[John Galt]

Oh man supergirl,you're the only one  who says''excellent advice'' to me ,hahaha!

One more point,we as men,when we get togeather sometimes our bravado acts up and we say things that we don't always mean.So even if he said that about your relationship it was probaly just a guy thing and then you throw in some weed,beer and all the male egos and BAM,you get a stupid comment.Don't hold it to him.
Thanks,
Marc

[JoannaK]

Sounds like a useless bunch to me.  I hope that they avoid your bf, and I hope that he stops wanting them in his life.  He's moving forward... time to find some new acquaintances.

 

[supergrl4601]

My thanks to you both for the positive, helpful words.  I agree it's time for him to make some new friends and I believe eventually he will. 

[been there]

   Being around certain family and friends, would always bring Tina's BPD to it's worst. They hindered her recovery, and always tried to influence her.

   She had to make a concious effort to get away from them, and stay away. It was hard and very scarey for her, and she needed alot of encouragement and support while trying to detach.

   Sounds as if your H, is really working hard and that is great.

   Wishing you the best, Mark