My exUBPDbf used to play that "game" with me too. He would always say something like, "If you need anything, give me a holler", or "You know where I am if you need me", sh*t like that. But then he would turn around and be "mysteriously unavailable" (i.e. like not answering his phone and then saying he "didn't hear it ring", etc.), or if he did answer, I would get an excuse as to why he couldn't do whatever (like, "I have to pick up my daughter from school", or "My truck is acting up", or "I'm not feeling good", blah, blah, blah). Then, a day or two later, he would play the "I'm sorry" game: "I'm sorry I couldn't do (whatever) for you, BUT"..."I promise, I'll make it up to you". Which, of course, he never did. There was always an excuse, or always a reason, as to why he would always say no to me. But, if HE wanted something, and you dared say no to him, he would practically pout like a little kid, thereby manipulating you into giving in, b/c if you didn't, you would have to suffer the consequences. He COULD be good-hearted and helpful if he wanted to be, but only when it benifitted HIM, or if he could gain something from it. Otherwise, there was always an "excuse... ;==
I never once saw him do anything for anybody unless he had something to gain from it. He really was a selfish person...he even admitted it, more than once. He would say, "I know I'm being selfish, BUT..."
There was one time I was so broke I had to eat Ramen noodles for a month, and he didn't even offer to help me out; even though he was making good money, and he was living with his brother. He just said, "Oh, I'm so sorry that you're in a bind, but I can't help you out; I had to get another computer b/c my old one crashed". The next day his brother invited me over for dinner so I could have a decent meal, and when I showed up, the ex feigned being sick and said I should go home "b/c he didn't want me to catch it". I later found out he didn't want me there b/c he had invited another woman. Another time, I lost my power b/c of storms in the area, and it got down in the 40's after the storm-front blew through. I had no heat, and needless to say, I was freezing my a$$ off. I called him and told him I had no heat, and asked if I could stay overnight. You know what he said? "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, but you can't stay here. Me & my brother are fighting, and I don't want you to get in the middle of it". What a nice guy, huh? And, of course, I got the "I'm sorry, BUT" speech afterwards...
When I think back on some of this stuff, it really makes me wonder just what the hell I was thinking for ever putting up with his BS for as long as I did... ?
Temporary insanity, I guess..
Thanks, MissScarlett, for reminding me of yet ANOTHER reason why I'm grateful to be out of Oz...