Help 7-year-old recieved suspension at school

[Think About It...]

  My son was diagnosed by his pediatrician but I later took him to see Dr. Heller because he was more knowledgeable and thorough.  Basically, you want a doctor (could be a psychologist) who has some knowledge and experience with ADHD.  Not all psychologists or even psychiatrists are experienced with ADHD although child psychologists and/or child psychiatrists usually are.  Check with your pediatrician and if he doesn't feel he is qualified, he should be able to recommend someone.  And recommendations from others who are being treated for ADHD would be helpful too.
  Abigail

[Abigail]

  My son was diagnosed by his pediatrician but I later took him to see Dr. Heller because he was more knowledgeable and thorough.  Basically, you want a doctor (could be a psychologist) who has some knowledge and experience with ADHD.  Not all psychologists or even psychiatrists are experienced with ADHD although child psychologists and/or child psychiatrists usually are.  Check with your pediatrician and if he doesn't feel he is qualified, he should be able to recommend someone.  And recommendations from others who are being treated for ADHD would be helpful too.
  Abigail

[shortstuff]

I agree with all the folks that say keep them with the grade of same age peers and supplement their education on your own if nothing is being provided in school. Often schools have funding to help the kids who are deficient, and not a lot for gifted children - especially in younger grades.  I personally feel the real value and importance of school up to about the 4th grade is social.  Recess is the most important part as that is where they learn to get along with people.  You can have a really bright kid who cannot socialize and they are in big trouble in life without that skill. 

[momoftwo8589]

My son was diagnosed as bipolar when he was 16.?  When he was young, he reacted similarly to your son -- especially at home.?  He was mostly well-behaved in school.?  You might want to read The Borderline Child to see if this fits your son's sypmtoms.?  So many times kids are diagnosed with ADD, or ADHD, and it really is the beginnings of bipolar disorder.?  (Different meds, different approaches, etc.).?  

I have one child (now 20) with BPD and bi-polar II, and one child (now 16) with ADHD (off meds).  They were both originally diagosed with ADHD for son and "regular" ADD for DD.  THe ADD meds worked wonders with son, allowing him to participate in school, control his urges, etc.  The ADD meds did NOTHING for DD, she continued to struggle throughout and no one thought to do any other  kind of testing til I kept pushing for tests.  She was finally correctly diagnosed after I discovered that she was also cutting. 

From what I have read on your posts so far regarding your son - he seems to be more similar to my son, his outbursts have to do with some pressure he is experiencing at the time.  My son could put up with just so much, and then it was like the pent up feelings just exploded (he would hit and kick too at your son's age) and then he would be fine again.  I want to stress, that although that also sounds like BPD (the exploding part), son has gone on to be taken off meds, has a good social life now, and for the most part seems like a "normal" kid. 

I do think that the testing you have planned will be very helpful to you and your son.  The sooner you know the problems he may be dealing with, the better you can help him. 

[momoftwo8589]

He graduated at the age of 17 with high marks, and although hindsight is a wonderful thing?  ;==, he was no way, no how ready for college.?  Throw bp into this mix and the problems are beyond comprehension.

FWIW,
Puma

My DD started K at 4 too, but not because I chose it, that was the way they did it where we lived at the time (military family) - if the 5th BD was before 12/31, they started in September.  She had problems right from the start.  I kept hearing "she's a young student" so often that in 5th grade we made the decision (we being me, her, dad, and the school) to let her repeat 5th grade before going on to middle school.  The counselor said she would be "eaten alive" in the middle school environment.  Then because of poor academics, she failed the 7th grade and repeated again.  DD has always gotten along better with either adults (even as a young child) or older kids (at least 5 or 6 years older), never with her own age group.   She was finally correctly diagnosed around the age of 16-17, and finally, in between hospitalizations and group homes, graduated high school this past June at the age of 19 and a half.  Unfortunately, that seems to have set her off on a downward spiral - maybe losing  the known structure of her day? - and she just hasn't been able to pull out of it yet.   

[momoftwo8589]

?  Handwriting is a problem for many of these kids.?  I have learned of many characteristics beyond the typical symptoms used by the DSM-IV for diagnosis.
?  Abigail

I had to pull this section out.  As I wrote earlier, both of my kids were at one time dagnosed with ADD / ADHD, but DD went on to a BPD and Bi-polar diagnosis, and son is just ADHD.  DD has beautiful handwriting - always has - it's just her spelling that needs work (also has a learning disability), and son's handwriting, even now at almost 17, is atrocious ! !   Just struck me when I read this passage. 

[momoftwo8589]

Prairie Guy,
?  ?  Also, I would reccommend "All About Attention Deficit Disorder" by Thomas Phelan, Ph.D.?  The latter book is quicker reading and if limited to only 1 book I would probably go with that one.

I agree with this completely.

?  Be careful about comparing your child to another child who has ADD because depending on the personality of the child, the type of ADD he has, the level of severity, the gender, etc., there can be different aspects of the condition that play out differently in each individual.?  As I have seen in my family and neighborhood acquaintances and friends, each child can be very different in the way it affects him or her.

Again, complete agreement.  ?  

? Most experts agree that it is not a disorder but a different type of brain wiring (think of left brained and right brained learning) that unfortunately, is not fit very well for our highly detailed, linear thinking education system of today.?  In the past, many with ADD qualities made excellent hunters because of their distractability. Thomas Edison was believed to have been ADD.?  He didn't do well in school but was a brilliant and creative man.?  There are some with ADD who do very well with school and structure, however.?  

Once in middle school, my son took an orchestra class (just for kicks he told me).  His teacher "assigned" him the viola.  He is still playing it, writing his own music and plans to make a career out of either performing or teaching the viola.  As I found out at recent teacher conferences - while he is very bright, he is failing two of four classes because he "is only interested in his music."  3 of his four teachers told me that every time he seems to be engrossed and taking copious notes, when they walk over, they find him writing music.  On the one hand, wonderful that he found something he truly loves (even if it started "just for kicks") on the other, I sometimes wish he felt that way about traditional subjects. 

ADD children are usually kinesthetic learners, that is, they learn primarily by hands on experience, as opposed to reading and lectures.
  Abigail

Son has always been a very "hands on" type of learner.  While DD, can be a very abstract thinker - much better at high math subjects with their equations, etc.   Me, I'm a 1+2=3 girl - start throwing letters and symbols in there and it just doesn't make sense to me. 

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[momoftwo8589]

Given my son's current situation, how can I make it better for emotional growth without disrupting his academic growth? Surely, just holding him back a year (or more) is not the only solution. And that is certainly not a guaranteed solution.

What can I do to enrich his life socially? stbxBPW and I have him in kids soccer with his age peers, though he is clearly not an athlete (think Jason is the comic strip Fox Trot). We take him to Sunday School. We have discussed karate, 4-H, and Boy Scouts but our schedule is in too much flux until the divorce is settled to commit to anything more.

What can I suggest to his teachers and counselors?

PG

Does your school district have "magnet schools"?  Schools where everyone is talented at what theyemphasize, whether that be the arts, science, math, etc.?  I don't know if that is an option for you at his age or not, but it might be worth looking into. 

I understand about the upheaval of the pending divorce - I did this too, son was 9 DD was 12 1/2.  My almost ex (it still isn't finished, but that's a whole 'nother story) was the whacky one, couldn't be counted on to show up even after the visitation schedule was "established."  I hate to tell you how many times son stood at the front window crying waiting for dad to show up, and dad "forgot" or dad had "something else to do."   The suggestion to get away, just the two of you, if only for a night or two and find out what your son is interested in, was very good.  Then go from there.  Get him involved in what interests him, and then set up the visitation around that.  If stbxw will consitently help him participate, great, she can.  If she won't (or can't) ok, then set it up so you can.  When almost ex and I lived in the same town, we set up visitation so that he took them on nights that they didn't have any activities and I had them on the nights they did.  The court's will allow you to work with a visitiation schedule, as long as it interprets the custody arrangement - as in shared custody means you each get 50 % of the time, it doesn't have to be one week here and one week there - it could mean MWF with you and TTS with mom.  Sometimes you have to be a little creative. 

As an aside, even now, after 7.5 years at this divorce - we still have "visitation issues."  Son went to dad's for a couple weeks this past summer, came home the last week of July (school started 8/4) and that was the last son had heard from dad til last week, when I started bugging him, his girlfriend and his parents, to find out if any plans for Thanksgiving existed.  Finally, after three months, son gets an email from dad, real chatty, about how he has all the wonderful plans for next week.  Son doesn't stand at the front window crying anymore, but his heart still breaks when dad ignores him.  There's nothing you can do to prevent these incidents with your son - but you can be there to glue the pieces back together and help him understand as much as he can at his given age that it's NOT him, and that in her own way, mom loves him. 

[momoftwo8589]

Abigail

Where was your grandson taken for the ADHD diagnosis? Is this something only a psychiatist can do since they can prescribe medicine?

My son's (and DD's) ADD/HD testing began at school with a questionnaire that the teacher filled out and one that I filled out, then he was seen by the school psychologist and the "child study team" (to rule out learning disabilities, etc).  His pediatrician prescribed his meds. 

[meryl]

My 2 cents- there seems to be soo much overlap between ADD and BPD...

Anyway, I was astonished to learn that I exhibited features of ADD- of course being somewhat OCD I guess I could be BPD as well. Both can have the mild depression I deal with?

My exh has AWFUL handwriting- he was diagnosed with dysphasia [I think] around your son's age. He did miserably in school and yet is very bright in an academic sense altho not as good as me in math?  :D

But bright nonetheless- and stupid in terms of real life. We are so very different and yet both have been told we have ADD.

Our youngest is very much like her dad- the extreme attention seeking/need for approval/sensitive. But I see her as possibly being ADD whereas I have always believed he had BPD.

Perhaps they are part of the same brain dysfunction?

I just wish we could have a visit from dear old Roz- she had a wonderful way of explaining things!

I tried to find the main organization link for CHADD.org, but this is all I could come up with- check it out PG:

http://groups.msn.com/ADHDandLearningDisabilities

I don't know where you live but perhaps you can find a nearby chapter- sorry about the link- it may be my computer!