BPD-mom talking about stepmom?

[Think About It....]

How many of you stepmom's out there, find out the things that BPD-momster says about you?

What are some of the things BPD-momster has said about you?

Have you ever confronted her about the things BPD-momster says? Do you question her, do you casually let her know you have found out what she's said, or do you just ignore the comments all together?

DH ran into one of his xgirlfriends Monday nite. When I walk up DH introduces me, "This is KSM, my wife. She is the one BPDmom was talking about." Jewel says, "You don't look like a bi*ch." Come to find out Jewel ran into BPDmom, as soon as their conversation started, BPDmom commented, "DH has got him a good one now. She is such a BI*CH!"... I told Jewels, "She only thinks I'm a B, because I won't take any crap off her." Of course, we all had a big laugh about it all...

I don't know if BPDmom is the pot or the kettle.

KSM

[Kystepmom2004]

How many of you stepmom's out there, find out the things that BPD-momster says about you?

What are some of the things BPD-momster has said about you?

Have you ever confronted her about the things BPD-momster says? Do you question her, do you casually let her know you have found out what she's said, or do you just ignore the comments all together?

DH ran into one of his xgirlfriends Monday nite. When I walk up DH introduces me, "This is KSM, my wife. She is the one BPDmom was talking about." Jewel says, "You don't look like a bi*ch." Come to find out Jewel ran into BPDmom, as soon as their conversation started, BPDmom commented, "DH has got him a good one now. She is such a BI*CH!"... I told Jewels, "She only thinks I'm a B, because I won't take any crap off her." Of course, we all had a big laugh about it all...

I don't know if BPDmom is the pot or the kettle.

KSM

[wornout]

I think your response was the best of all responses.  ...Your new "friend" also seems to have a clue about what's going on.   

Why confront her?  Like it's going to change what she says or does.   :  Ignoring is probably the best strategy.  It saves you conflict and denies her reinforcement. 

[Coolmomof4]

In the beginning, she talked about me all the time.  SS would tell us what she said, because he would come home really upset.  I remember once she called me an "old biddy."  I don't know why she would call me that, considering at the time I was 23 years old, and I am 5 years younger than her!  She has said much worse, at least as far as what she was saying to SS, like when she went thru a phase that lasted several years where she would tell anyone who would listen that DH had an affair with me and that I was a homewrecker.  Truth was that they were seperated a year before the divorce was final, and I met him 2 days AFTER that.  But the only time we ever confronted her was if things got very bad... DH wrote her a letter.  It was more to let her know we've got her number, and that her comments are not appropriate, especially when said to a 4 or 5 year old.

I think now she realizes she isn't going to get to me.  SS lives with us, so he isn't going to believe what she says so easily.  Before SS flew for his visits, she would come here every other month, and she would bring someone with her.  When she brought a friend, they would always seem to like me.  Heck one of them talked like she had heard nothing but wonderful things about me, and hugged me twice before they left!  I thought they were playing games, but DH knew her and said she is sincere.

Anyway, we just let it roll off.  Who cares what she tells people?  Unless it really bothers step-son, we don't do anything about it.

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[Kystepmom2004]

I was just wondering what other 'stepmom's did to all the trash talk. I have actually done all three suggestions... more so the 'ignoring' part than the other 2 suggestions. DH & I ALWAYS get a big laugh out of it. My coworkers & I have fun at her expense. For example: Bpdmom said I had a big nose. Bpdmom's mother called me a 'whore.' So my workers call me a "big nosed ho." Another example: When BPDmom got served custody papers a few years back. When she was talking to DH over the phone, she referred to me as "KSM, (used my orginial name instead of my nickname), you know.. YOUR WIFE. I'm so glad you found someone so DAMN perfect."  We had fun with that one & still do. The other day DH & I were picking at each other and he asked, "Who do you think you are?" I said, "KSM, you know YOUR WIFE. The one you found who was so DAMN perfect."     
We just had a time with that one.
To keep your sanity, you have to let all this craziness roll off your back. If not, you can constantly have drama every single day. I am so THANKFUL all is calm & quiet. I don't think DH & I are perceived as the 'enemy' right now.
But guess what, the holidays are rolling around. We probably won't have drama here, but I can only imagine what SD will have to go thru during this stressful time of the year.
KSM

[Coolmomof4]

Oh I know what you mean about the holidays.  SS will be with BP this year for Christmas.  And her sisters and their families will all be there, so I am sure there will be some talkin' going on.  Especially since this is the year we stopped giving in to everything BP wants.  It's been a rough year for her. :

[heartchakra]

uBPDex of my SO has told daughter things about me.  Nothing really bad just untruths.  Example: That I have two children a boy and girl both around daughters age (15).  I have one child a girl who is 25 years old.  Daughter is very open with us and has learned that she can ask us about the things her mother says and we will give her an honest answer.  The stuff her mother makes up about me has become a joke between daughter and I.  uBPDmom said Dad and I were married and I was now her stepmom.  We are not married.  I call myself daughters faux stepmom. Daughter gets a laugh out of it.
I could go on but I think you get the point.  I have no idea what uBPDex says to other people and don't care.  I have no contact with ex so she knows nothing about me.

[Jules]

Well, the list is pretty extensive but here are the highlights;

First I was (painted white) too good for my SO (her exh) She even introduced me to her mother and thoughtfully mentioned that if ever I needed help, she has a list of abuse hotline numbers.  :

Not a week later I was a butt and when talking to my SO's parents (her ex-inlaws) she told them that SO was only with me because I come from money.  Now this was totally hilarious because it is so not true.  I called my parents that day and joked around with them telling them that the gig was up and to give me my share of the millions they've been hiding!

Then of course, there's been the lying butt, the "you clearly don't have SD's best interest at heart", I'm(xbpw) a better mother than you and only I know what is right - nevermind the fact that I have 2 children of my own who are well adjusted and older than SD.

The more hurtful to my face trash talking have been that I'm hitting SD and she's calling CPS and that my sweet, sensitive son she said was "touching her daughter inappropriately". 

Bpmom has told SD that SO/Dad and I are irresponsible and are always drunk.  Of course SD has a mind of her own and knows that this is untrue.  I hate to know what else bpmom says to SD about us.

I have never confronted bpmom about all of this.  It just infuriates me and I know that I would only be giving bpmom what she wants -the drama and the ability for her to say that everybody hates her...always the victim  ;==

You do have to joke about it and learn not to take it seriously, but sometimes it gets to be too much and it just makes me physically sick.
I'm an adult and I know if I've done something or not but it makes me sad for SD because she's 6 and living with this garbage and will be affected by it for sure.   :'(

[Kystepmom2004]

When my SD was 6,7,8... it was really rough for her too. Now, she's almost 12 yo, she seems to handle things alot better. I know there's still drama & chaos that SD is subjected too when she's visiting mom, but at least she can come home & escape it all when Mom's time is up.

KSM