what events led up to diagnosis?

[Think About It...]

Hello all,
My undiagnosed BPDW is hi-functioning, and basks in denial.?  I am careful not to mention even the idea of a "disorder" anymore, as the few attempts I made in last couple months backfired outrageously, to say the least.

To encourage a bp to get assessed is ok, I think.?  I just don't know how.?  I know we can't make them do anything, it has to come from within.?  

Just curious as to some of you luckier ones, who's partner has "crossed over" into the humbleness of making the decision to seek help.?  How did it happen?

And what events/statements came from you to help make it possible?

Thanks, spouse

[spouseofbp]

Hello all,
My undiagnosed BPDW is hi-functioning, and basks in denial.?  I am careful not to mention even the idea of a "disorder" anymore, as the few attempts I made in last couple months backfired outrageously, to say the least.

To encourage a bp to get assessed is ok, I think.?  I just don't know how.?  I know we can't make them do anything, it has to come from within.?  

Just curious as to some of you luckier ones, who's partner has "crossed over" into the humbleness of making the decision to seek help.?  How did it happen?

And what events/statements came from you to help make it possible?

Thanks, spouse

[lisab2005]

Hi Spouse,
I guess you could say that I am one of the lucky ones.  Even thought durning the rages and ect.. it dosen't feel like it.
My BPDH after some extreemly bad bouts would be very remorsefull.  He has know for along time that there was somthing seriously wrong but wouldn't let the "Moran they call DR." (that is my H belief) pin Bipolar on him he knew that wasn't it. 
My H is also high-functioning only people that know him well have a clue that there is anything wrong.
The last bad bout, he had cut himself and it was a couple of days befor I knew about it.  But that is when I started pushing.  He was in a depressed state and much easier for me to talk to.  I just prayed he didn't turn on me.  I told him that if it happened again I was taking him to the hospital.  A month later it happened again but worse this time and I took him in.  He begged just like a little kid!  "I promiss i will be good" Anyway this is what pushed him into a new Doctor (thankyou God)  Durning this time I also had him sign releases for all dr so that I could talk to them and they talk to me.  I also have a duralbe power of attourney.  I told him when they let him out of the hospital after 24 hours that if this happened again I would sign the papers to commit him into the hospital and he wouldn't be able to leave.
I think David was at his witts end and was sick and tired of being sick and at the time wanted help.  Now I know what we are in for once T starts and issues are confronted.  YIKES.  I'm ready

[spouseofbp]

Good luck Lisa!

My spouse is non-cutting.?  At least not that I have ever observed.?  If she did, I'm sure it would be the physical evidence to compel her siblings/mother to come to her aid as well.

Prior to our current separation, I had an intervention meeting set up.?  Sisters & Mom initially raised their hands to meet as a team (3 sis & mom)...but my wife's behavior irked them to where they decided to back off.?  

Plus they knew if they confronted her on it, she would say "F__ You - I'm done with you!" to each of them as she walked out of the room, disowning them as she has before w/family & friends - whenever they take a stand to oppose her.?  (They have been walking on eggshells with her many more years than I)

I moved out 3 days before the scheduled intervention, and saw the hopes of her family support fade as they bowed out...opting to "stay out of it"?  So much for the effort!

Her next oldest sis did tell me once, "we need to put her in a straight-jacket & put her in an institution!"?  Maybe so, but her professional, hi-achieving, "all is well & under control" demeanor could fool most doctors & law enforcment personnel...

Good luck & thanks for your response ~

[lisab2005]

That is why with Davids HI-Functioning we made an agreement that when he goes to the Dr.  (for now anyway)  I go with him we both talk to the Doc and let him know what really has been going on and then I leave him to have a one on one.  I haven't had to push any of the issues yet, and truthfully I'm kinda affraid to.  My guess is if he get backed into a corner he will blow.  I have decided if this happens and he starts blowing off this therepy.  I am going to have to take care of me and my children.
Before I got the release from him for his Dr to talk to me.  I called his Dr. and they told me "we can't even tell you if he is a patient"  I just said I realize that and I don't want you to talk I just need you to listen.  I proceeded to tell them how bad it really was.  it was right after that that he crashed and I put him in the hospital

[been there]

   Hi spouce,

   What led to Tina getting dx'ed, was a combination of both of us. I was leaving for good, if she didn't get help, and she must of been ready to make a real committment.

   Good luck, Mark

[caggif]

Hi Spouse,
For years H had been treated (unsuccessfully) for suspected PTSD due to military service, as according to MIL he'd "changed since leaving the army".  As time went on and I got to learn more about his family,  I began to suspect that his probs. were much more due to his upbringing than his vocation. His mother is I suspect BPD.  It was also around this time that I found the internet, and its wonderful research facilities.  I stumbled across BPD, and it fitted with Hs behavior perfectly.  The dx was still very much in its infancy here in the UK at the time. I was also studying Psychology at the time.

Long story short, I found out as much as I could about it, and gradually introduced the idea to H, who was very much in denial for about 3 years.  After a particularly nasty episode, which resulted in me telling H that if he didn't seek treatment under the dx of BPD, then I was off to pastures new, he finally went to our GP, who refered him to a Psychiatrist.  Neither had even heard of BPD, and both agreed to "read up on it" ?

At the beginning of this year, we managed to find a private practitioner, who specialises in CBT therapy for BPD, and H has gradually improved from there, although we have had a couple of major incidents during this time.

One thing that Michael did say at the time was that he had to get treatment as he said, "I can no longer stand living with myself like I am".  Like Tina, he too was obviously ready to admit, and commit to treatment for himself.

Caggi xx

[timeforclarity]

Hi

I'm definitly one of the lucky ones.  It didn't feel lucky at the time, because it took my BPD H going into a severe rage and theatening my safety to make me walk out the door.

At the time I honestly thought I would never step in the house again, but he committed to therapy (both marriage councelling and his own personal therapy) and he also committed to faithfully taking meds his the PDr prescribed. Basically, he committed to working at creating a loving and healthy relationship. I stayed away for 5 weeks while he sorted all of this out and until I was convinced that this time we really did have a chance at teh type of marriage I always thought was possible for us. When I went back, he understood there was no going back to the way things were.

I've noticed this is a common thread here - it seems to take the partner being willing to walk away for them to realize there are consequences to their actions.  It was a hard lesson for my H but once he got over it, he honestly seems much happier too!

So far, so good! I wish you well.