The ups and downs of therapy

[Think About It...]

Hi all. I'd like to have at least one post that doesn't solely consist of me bashing my gf. We've now had 3 sessions of couple's therapy.  I've read alot of warnings in other posts about that.  Honestly though, it really has helped my gf and I to be nicer to each other.  The therapist is equally hard on each of us, and could giving a flyin' hoot whether or not she has a mental illness.  He treats us equally.  Which is nice considering that i hear alot of "i wish i could do XYZ but it's my illness so I can't"
I still don't know if my gf is actual BPD or just "screwed up and suffering from bipolar and PTSD".  Does it matter?  Not sure.  One thing I do know...the couple's sessions have shown me just how much resentment I've been harboring, and how nasty I myself can be. I've been focusing on being nicer and calmer with my gf (I understood the point that no matter how messed up some one is, yelling "you're manipulative" or "you're verbally abusive" or being snide and sarcastic would piss anyone off).  I DO think it is very understandable that I react with anger to all teh sht that's happened in our relationship, but just sitting seething in anger and not doing anything about it is no longer helping me.
So for what it's worth, i personally have gotten alot out the sessions.

[solvera]

Hi all. I'd like to have at least one post that doesn't solely consist of me bashing my gf. We've now had 3 sessions of couple's therapy.  I've read alot of warnings in other posts about that.  Honestly though, it really has helped my gf and I to be nicer to each other.  The therapist is equally hard on each of us, and could giving a flyin' hoot whether or not she has a mental illness.  He treats us equally.  Which is nice considering that i hear alot of "i wish i could do XYZ but it's my illness so I can't"
I still don't know if my gf is actual BPD or just "screwed up and suffering from bipolar and PTSD".  Does it matter?  Not sure.  One thing I do know...the couple's sessions have shown me just how much resentment I've been harboring, and how nasty I myself can be. I've been focusing on being nicer and calmer with my gf (I understood the point that no matter how messed up some one is, yelling "you're manipulative" or "you're verbally abusive" or being snide and sarcastic would piss anyone off).  I DO think it is very understandable that I react with anger to all teh sht that's happened in our relationship, but just sitting seething in anger and not doing anything about it is no longer helping me.
So for what it's worth, i personally have gotten alot out the sessions.

[JoannaK]

That's good to hear, solvera.  I think that there are good therapists...our second therapist was very good; he actually got us to work together on several major issues.  We were with that therapist for three years...then my exh decided to walk out of therapy for a bunch of reasons.  Though the therapist never pegged my exh as BPD, he did see lots of issues in him.. and noted lots of dysfunctional reactions in me. 

So...you are being kinder and more patient...what about your gf?  Does she also seem softer and easier in some way?

[solvera]

Well one of the things that came up yesterday was her "rages".  During the session, the therapist pointed out that her account and my account were different, and prolly will never agree.  So he asked both of us what we wanted from the other person.  I said that what I needed was, when she goes into an out-of-control, illness based rage, when she comes out of it, just apoologize to me, and MEAN IT.  Not a disclaimer kind of "well i'm sorry it's hard for you to deal with but how do you think I feel having such a bad illness" but a real, genuine, "I really lost it for a while there, I'm really sorry you got the brunt of it".  And she did that during the session.  Mostly I need to feel validated, because the feeling I was getting from her was "you should just get over it, it's not about you" and I needed her to understand that even though i KNOW it's not personal, I'm still bearing the brunt of it, and having to hear someone I love snap and rage at me.  So that at least happened.