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This board is intended for general questions about BPD and other personality disorders, trait definitions, and related therapies and diagnostics. Topics should be formatted as a question.

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Author Topic: What is the cause of Borderline Personality Disorder?  (Read 20419 times)
gypsy_darkeyes


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« on: February 03, 2006, 03:17:48 AM »

This was a very big concern of mine because I have two young sons with my BPD ex husband.  I think it's the age old question of "nature vs. nurture".  And I think right now because they are so young (2 and 1), even if they are prone to BPD in terms of genetics, there is a possibility that with the right form of parenting, they could lead somewhat normal lives.  I noticed that my mother in law always catered to my husband's BPD nature (maybe even if she wasn't quite aware of it).  When he threw a fit, everyone would cave in to his needs.  She did this more so when he was a child.  She started to do that with my oldest son when he started the whole terrible two temper tantrum thing.  I think impulse control is learned behavior.  In my opinion most BPD's lack this.  So I think it's a mixture of genetics, environment and "learned behavior".. 
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Abigail
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« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2006, 01:20:18 PM »

  I also believe it is a mixture of genetics and trauma or abuse.  Other risk factors that have been noted are being adopted, early parental loss (or inadequate infant bonding),head injuries and untreated ADHD.  ( 50% of those with "untreated" ADHD develop the borderline disorder and also, 50% of borderlines also have ADHD)
  Our doctor, who specializes in treating those with the borderline disorder, has also treated a high number of Amish with the disorder.  This seems to indicate that there is a genetic disposition to the disorder since the Amish do not intermarry with outsiders.  And therefore, any genetic disorders would be passed on more frequently among themselves.
  But as gypsy darkeyes pointed out, BPD doesn't always develop in someone who has the predisposition.  Being raised in a mentally healthy environment without abuse and good self esteem have been reccommended (and treating any mental disorders of the parents) to greatly reduce the chance of developing BPD.
  My husband was diagnosed with BPD and ADHD a year and a half ago.  Our 24 year old daughter and 14 year old son show no signs of having the disorder.  They are however, both being treated for ADD.  My husband was adopted so I don't know anything about his biological family background.
  One comment I would like to add to something gypsy darkeyes said.  Although I do agree that in many instances impulse control is a learned behavior, for someone with ADHD the impulse problems are not something that can be controlled (outside of medication greatly reducing or eliminating the impulsiveness).  Many children who are ADHD are blamed for something that they can not control.  There are even several psychiatrists and psychologists that I know of who have ADHD and are also knowledgeable and experienced in treating ADHD who can attest to this both from knowledge and personal experience.
  Abigail
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gypsy_darkeyes


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« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2006, 08:13:24 PM »

Abigail,

I agree with your ADHD theory.  Thanks for adding that.  I thought about it, after I'd posted. 
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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT

This board is intended for general questions about BPD and other personality disorders, trait definitions, and related therapies and diagnostics. Topics should be formatted as a question.

Please do not host topics related to the specific pwBPD in your life - those discussions should be hosted on an appropraite [L1] - [L4] board.

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StressedinCleveland
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« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2006, 05:48:20 PM »

J Personal Disord. 2004 Oct;18(5):439-47. Related Articles, Links 

Borderline psychopathology in the first-degree relatives of borderline and axis II comparison probands.

Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, Yong L, Raviola G, Bradford Reich D, Hennen J, Hudson JI, Gunderson JG.

The Laboratory for the Study for Adult Development, McLean Hospital, and the Department of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School, Belmont, MA 02478, USA. zanarini@mclean.harvard.edu

The purpose of this study was to assess the prevalence of each of the nine DSM criteria for borderline personality disorder and the prevalence of the disorder itself in the first-degree relatives of borderline probands and Axis II comparison subjects. Four hundred and forty-five inpatients were interviewed about familial borderline psychopathology using the Revised Family History Questionnaire--a semistructured interview of demonstrated reliability. Of these 445 subjects, 341 met both DIB-R and DSM-III-R criteria for BPD and 104 met DSM-III-R criteria for another type of personality disorder (and neither criteria set for BPD). The psychopathology of 1,580 first-degree relatives of borderline probands and 472 relatives of Axis II comparison subjects was assessed. Both DSM-III-R and DSM-IV BPD were found to be more common among the relatives of borderline than Axis II comparison probands. However, five of the criteria for BPD (inappropriate anger, affective instability, paranoia/dissociation, general impulsivity, and intense, unstable relationships) and all four sectors of borderline psychopathology (affect, cognition, impulsivity, and interpersonal relationships) were found to be both more common and discriminating than the BPD diagnosis itself. Taken together, the results of this study suggest that the subsyndromal phenomenology of BPD may be more common than the borderline diagnosis itself.
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lost_ethel
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« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2006, 08:20:35 PM »

Taken together, the results of this study suggest that the subsyndromal phenomenology of BPD may be more common than the borderline diagnosis itself. 

I don't understand.  What point are you making?  Looks like about one-third of close relatives turn out to be BPD themselves.  Is that what we need to know?

Thanks,

Ethel

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mommadee
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« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2006, 08:42:35 PM »

This is an interesting subject to me.  I have been going through the five generations that I remember and I find a minimum of 18 with symptoms of BPD or other PD.  It is not that I want to be diagnosing everyone, I just could not believe the abuse that exists within our family and I wanted to take a closer look at the symptoms I have been seeing for years.  I only included relatives of blood and never counted the married into which would really bring the count up.  Maybe it's in the water!  Sometimes I really need to laugh because it keeps me from crying.



dee
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StressedinCleveland
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BPD can be cured --but you may not like the result


« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2006, 12:30:36 PM »

Taken together, the results of this study suggest that the subsyndromal phenomenology of BPD may be more common than the borderline diagnosis itself. 

I don't understand.  What point are you making?  Looks like about one-third of close relatives turn out to be BPD themselves.  Is that what we need to know?

Thanks,

Ethel

Another point of the study which I think is important is that a lot of relatives have features of BPD even if they don't meet the full diagnostic criteria.



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Randi Kreger
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« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2007, 11:32:30 AM »

Hi there!

I am writing a new booklet, the ABCs of BPD, and wanted to share this with you about causes of BPD. Have fun!
_____________________________________________________________________ ______________________
The Causes of BPD

Perhaps you’ve already heard a lot of theories—that people have BPD because of how they were raised as children. Or that it has something to do with a “chemical imbalance.”

The debate about what causes any kind of mental illness—biology or the environment—is as old as the question of which came first, the chicken or the egg.

But we really can’t look at those two things as opposites. Instead, consider them a halves of a circle. Biology and environment both contribute to Borderline Personality Disorder. But the more we learn about the brain, the more we’re discovering that biology plays a powerful, perhaps even dominant role in how mental illness strikes.

Malfunctions in the brain may explain a lot about BPD behavior. After you learn about them, it may be easier to empathize with your loved one who has BPD and, especially, not take things personally.

It may also help you pinpoint where things are going wrong, even if you’re not sure why. And if you’re a parent, it can ease the burden of guilt of the assumption that BPD is caused by abuse.

A helpful book in understanding how BPD works, how it may be caused, and how it can be treated is Borderline Personality Demystified by Robert O. Friedel, M.D.  Dr. Friedel, who contributed to our understanding of this subject, offers detailed and scientifically accurate information about brain functioning.

Our focus here is not to make you a brain surgeon, but to explain enough so you can really see and feel how the disorder—an entity into itself—affects your loved one’s personality and how it affects you, themselves, and others.

First,  we’ll explain the biological contribution, which can be divided into three parts: the physical brain, the chemical brain, and genetics.  The physical brain is like the “hardware” and the chemical brain is like “software.” Genetics provides the “blueprint.”

The physical and the chemical brain are actually inseparable. But to make this a bit easier to understand, we’ll treat them separately.


The Physical Brain

Over the last few decades, says Dr. Friedel, we’ve developed new scientific tools for looking inside the brain such as PET scanners and MRI scanners. These tools have made it possible to see how the physical brains of people with BPD function differently than do other people’s brains.

We can look at these brain scans of people with BPD and a normal control subject and actually see in bright yellow, red, and blue that the brains of people with BPD are  different. The “emotional” centers of the brain are more active, and the “logical” parts are underactive.

Think of the brain as filled with circuits, like a computer. Instead of wires and microchips, however, the brain’s circuits are made up of 100 billion neurons, or brain cells. 

These brain cells are specialized, grouped in specific structures located in certain areas of the brain. These structures have names like the “cerebral cortex” and the “limbic system.” These specific structures are involved in certain activities, such as thinking, reasoning, emotion, or movement. Different areas have different “jobs,” yet they are interwoven and function together.

If something goes wrong in the sections of the brain that control perception and reasoning, we may suffer from disordered thinking. If something goes wrong in different sections, those that control emotion, we may have emotional problems. If something goes wrong in the parts that control impulsiveness, we may have difficulty resisting our impulses. 

This is an active area of research right now. For example, one 2005 study found that lesions in one section of the brain may contribute to some core characteristics of borderline personality disorder, especially impulsivity. Another study found that malfunctions in another region of the brain may actually make it easier for people to kill themselves or try to do so.


   The Chemical Brain

   The brain cells that make up the brain’s structure don’t just sit there—they communicate with each other. They do so through powerful chemicals called neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are the chemical messengers that transmit signals from one neuron (brain cell) to another. The communication between neurons maintains all body functions, and informs us when a fly lands on our hand or when we have pain.

   The brain requires a very precise balance in the level of various neurotransmitters. A mountain of research shows that when those levels aren’t exactly right, the result can wreak havoc on how we think, feel, and act.

We know of about 50 neurotransmitters. Most have at least one special job in controlling the brain and bodily functions. Some have more than one.

For instance, the neurotransmitter serotonin helps regulate body temperature and our ability to fall asleep. It also plays a role in mental health conditions such as BPD, depression, anorexia, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Dr. Joe Carver (http://www.drjoecarver.com, another great resource) suggests we think of these neurotransmitters like the fluids in our cars: engine oil, transmission fluid, brake fluid, or anti-freeze. In a car, we can measure the levels of those fluids with meters or dipsticks.

Unfortunately, the body doesn't have a built-in dipstick for neurotransmitters, says Dr. Carver. Instead, professionals evaluate neurotransmitter levels by looking for indicators in thought, behavior, mood, perception, or speech that are considered related to levels of certain neurotransmitters.

In people with BPD, Dr. Friedel says, some of those circuits just don’t work properly. Greatly simplified, the levels of certain neurotransmitters are too low, too high, or have one of many other impairments. This can happen for a multitude of reasons.

For people with BPD it’s usually the same ones: ones that control how we think, reason and process information; ones that control emotion; and ones that control impulses.

Genetics and the Brain

Parents who have a BP child and another child without BPD may wonder why the two are different. The answer may be in our genes.

We inherit our genes from our biological parents. They determine things such as what color hair or eyes we have. They affect other traits. And they can play a role in disease as well.

For instance, someone who is diabetic has inherited a group of genes that together cause diabetes. Other mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, appear to be passed on genetically. Even alcoholism has now been linked to certain genes.

Dr. Friedel says there appear to be at least two, and perhaps four or five, genes that influence the traits that make up Borderline Personality Disorder: different genes may control problems with impulsivity; emotional regulation; or the thinking and perceiving powers of the brain.

So, strictly speaking, it isn’t BPD that can be inherited. Instead, it’s the traits that taken together make up BPD that are passed on—trades such as aggressiveness, depression, excitability, quickness to anger, or susceptibility to addiction.

Because several different genes can be involved with BPD, this helps explain why in the same family one person might have BPD and another not. Two parents, neither of whom have BPD, might still have some of the genes that can lead to it.

Suppose they have three children. Two of those children may be born without all of the genes needed that would lead to BPD, while, in the third, the genes may combine in just the way necessary for BPD to occur.

This information should be reassuring for parents of people with BPD. As Dr. Friedel points out, you don’t pick your genes, and you don’t pick the genes you pass on to your children. This is just the way human biology works.

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Author, The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder, Stop Walking on Eggshells, and the SWOE Workbook. Coauthor, Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  www.BPDCentral.com
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« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2007, 11:58:54 AM »

Randi,
   Thanks for the additional information regarding causes of BPD and the biological component.  Have you ever read Dr. Leland Heller's book, "Life at the Border"?  He also has a newer book, "Biological Unhappiness" that deals with quite a few biological disorders but spends the most time on BPD.  My husband was diagnosed by Dr. Heller almost 3 years ago.  He has treated thousands of borderline patients and has done a lot of research.  He strongly believes that biology plays a big part in the borderline disorder.  He also would like to see it renamed "Dyslimbia" referrring to dysfunction in the limbic part of the brain.
  Dr. Heller treated my husband for his BPD, depression and ADHD and my husband has made a complete turnaround.  He no longer rages and the chronic anger and emptiness is gone.  His self-esteem has improved dramatically and he no longer blames me for everything but takes responsbilities for his behavior and moods.  Even disagreements are pleasant and calm.  He credits Dr. Heller with saving his life (mentally and emotionally).  He is on some maintenance medication and has other medication to take if he is feeling overwhelmed or stressed.  It works like a charm.  He feels great and does not want to go off his medication.  He has his life back.  And I have a new husband.  Friends and neighbors have noticed the difference in him.  He is much more sociable and at peace with himself.
  A neighbor also went to see him and was diagnosed with the borderline disorder after 18 years of therapy and doctors who didn't know what was wrong.  She is 21 and for the first time her mother said she has the daughter she always knew was there somewhere.  The entire family is so pleased to see her happy and functional.  They too are thrilled with Dr. Heller.
  He is also a warm, compassionate doctor who truly cares about his patients and has a passion for helping those who are suffering from the borderline disorder.  He has a website www.biologicalunhappiness.com  Patients have come to see him for the borderline disorder from over 40 states and at least 14 countries.  He has also treated a lot of Amish patients for the borderline disorder.  You might consider talking to him about the borderline disorder.
  Thanks again,
  Abigail
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« Reply #9 on: May 09, 2007, 04:42:10 PM »

I have read Dr. Friedel's book and I am somewhat skeptical with his conclusions. It has been demonstrated that dealing with depression and Bi-Polar talk therapy (CBT) can alter someone's brain chemical balance as much as medication. I think from this we can deduce that one's thinking and behavior are not only a product of brain chemistry, but that brain chemistry is the result of how you think! It may be an observable expression or indicator of someone's cognitive function, rather than be the reason behind it.

I don't feel that his model of BPD as a (mostly) biological affliction people simply fall victim to adequetely adresses the issues of character and responsibility that are intrinsic when dealing with a personality. It also gives BPs a sense of victimization to hide behind, "I couldn't help doing it, I'm just impulsive" Not to say they aren't fighting an uphill battle, but a BP should be held accountable for his/her actions especially when they affect other people.

My personal feeling is that many people are being treated of symptoms of many different problems with drugs, but the underlining cognitive and psychological causes are being left unadressed. The brain is only what we see from the outside. Being of the scientific/material age we expect everything to have a solution in an observable physical world, but there aren't pills to change how you think, and even nuerotransmitters are only chemicals that carry signals. They don't actually produce thoughts or emotions.

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« Reply #10 on: May 09, 2007, 08:53:44 PM »

This is helpful and makes sense. 

It also leaves me wondering more about the interaction of biology and socialization.  If someone is born with the unfortunate combinations you speak of...but are raised in a loving home with proper care and attention...do those combinations still predominate and leave one with BPD? 

I'm not trying to lay blame here on parents.  Not at all.  I'm simply wondering if, perhaps, given that these genes are passed along...wouldn't it also make sense that perhaps the parents are "underfunctioning" in one way or another that might exacerbate the biology of their offspring? 

I also wonder about intervention and what that means in terms of causes of BPD.  I've read where typical psychotherapy might not be as effective with BPD as other - more behavioral centered - therapies might.  I believe that psychotherapy is structured around re-parenting and examining wounds in childhood in order to heal them and move beyond them in a more healthy manner.  Given that traditional psychotherapy is not necessarily the most effective treatmentn for BPD...does that translate into the conclusion that it isn't as much about your upbringing as much as it is about your brain, your thoughts and misperceptions?

It's so complex and BPDs are so diverse.  It seems as if their common denominators are often predictable, but at the same time their level of functioning is so broad. 

And, what does stress have to do with it?  It seems that if you look at baseline behaviors of BPDs, they are consistent.  But when you throw a stressful situation into the mix, it can take a high functioning BPD into the depths of low-functioning BPD.  Is that best attributed to faulty brains or faulty coping mechanisms learned in childhood.

It's no wonder so few professionals deal directly in this disorder.  It's a most disordered disorder. So many mysteries.  So few facts.

 
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« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2007, 12:00:48 AM »

I've read most of the literature about BPD and I have read that it can occur in entire families.  However, I believe this was just a short comment in "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me".  My stbx's mother appears to be a ubpd "queen".  The extended family is in Chicago, so I have not interacted with them much, but stbx once made the comment (after I noted the raging and then pretending that nothing happened) that the entire family was that way.  Her older brother is an alcoholic, but maybe the real problem relates to BPD.  His son (19 Y) has multiple problems, not being able to read or write.  He was tested in jail, but I don't know if they have diagnosed, so again his problems may be related to BPD.  The second brother is a self-made millionaire, but quite possibly be NPD (although I am not trying to diagnose).

My stbx is a "waif".  I was wondering if anyone else noticed a "waif" being the child of a "queen".  Also, has anyone noticed any trend with a "waif" mother as to the child.  2 out of 3 of my stbx's older daughters (from her two previous marriages) have strong bpd traits- with the oldest (25) appearing to be a "queen".  The youngest may be one of the other two categories (although off hand a don't remember what they were), as she is very manipulative, often knowing that she is lying.  The other daughter is very immature and does seem to have some abandonment issues.

I guess I would really love to see some literature for non's facing co-parenting when the outlaws have a family pathology of BPD.  I kind of think that they all just think this behavior is normal.  So with my D's living in that world most of the time (at least for the past year) is there anything specific techniques that can be used.  I continue to see the T that originally diagnose stbx and he has been very helpful.  However, I still feel like I'm in unchartered water.

Can anyone share a similar situation or recommend some literature?


MIS

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« Reply #12 on: December 08, 2007, 09:08:46 AM »

MIS,
    You can inherit the genetic predispositon for BPD and combined with environmental factors, it may develop.  A child is six times more likely to develop BPD if a parent has the disorder.
   My husband and daughter were both diagnosed with the disorder but they are very different.  The doctor explained to her that her father's type is in an area of the brain that deals primarily with anger but hers is in an area dealing with fear and anxiety.
   They know that the prefrontal lobes and limbic system of the brain are involved in BPD but there is still a lot they don't know.
   Under times of stress, alcohol withdrawal or dysphoria, they are apt to misinterpret conversations and events.  It is not possible to reason with them because they truly believe their misperceptions.  Unfortunately, even when they are in a good state, they may still "remember" those misperceptions as being true.
  "Understanding the Borderline Mother" has suggestions for dealing with the different types such as "queen", "waif", etc.  For a more biological and medical understanding of the disorder, I would recommend "Life at the Border" by Dr. Leland Heller.
   You also need to consider that your children are at risk for developing the disorder if their mother has it.  There are some things you can do to lessen the risk that they will develop it.  Build up their self-esteem, make sure that you are mentally healthy and treat any mental health problems that they may develop, in particular, ADHD.  Untreated ADHD is one of the risk factors for developing BPD.  Some of the best information out there can be found at www.biologicalunhappiness.com  This site is run by Dr. Heller and he is the doctor who is treating my husband and daughter.  He has treated more than 3000 patients with BPD and understands this disorder better than anyone I know.
  Good luck with your custody battle.

  Abigail
 
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« Reply #13 on: December 08, 2007, 08:10:47 PM »

You can inherit the genetic predispositon for BPD and combined with environmental factors, it may develop.  A child is six times more likely to develop BPD if a parent has the disorder.

Is there some evidence of children who were adopted at birth or an extremely young age who developed BPD whose birth family had a history of BPD?  I.e., they developed BPD even without being exposed to a twisted form of parenting?  I can see some genetic predisposition, but I tend to believe that BPD is mainly "inherited" because children learn how to cope and relate to others by observing their parents.  And being raised by someone who has trouble even loving their spouse or children has to be a main cause of the child having personality disorders.
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« Reply #14 on: December 08, 2007, 08:57:30 PM »

Glass Tower,
   I don't know if there are any specific studies on that, although it might be hard to find out if the biological parents have BPD.  On the parent board, there are quite a few parents who have raised wonderful children and yet had one child who had BPD.
   My neighbor's daughter has BPD and her mother and stepfather are wonderful parents.  Her biological father had BPD but he left before she was two years old and is completely out of the picture.  He was abusive to his wife but the daughter was very young.  She was a difficult child from birth and they had her in therapy since she was a young child.  She is now 21 and was recently diagnosed with BPD.  She has been doing much better since being diagnosed and treated.  She gets along with her mother and stepfather (the only father she really knew) and I have talked to her several times.  She does not accuse her parents of any abuse or bad behavior.

  Abigail
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makeitstop
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« Reply #15 on: December 08, 2007, 10:37:05 PM »

Abigail,

I was wondering about the 6x more likely to develop BPD if the child had a BPD parent.  Knowing that the thinking is that it is 50% genetic and 50% environmental, is that 6x for a child who is genetically predisposed to BPD to develop BPD vs. another child who is predisposed (i.e. not including children not genetically predisposed)?

Thanks for your insight!

MIS
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« Reply #16 on: December 09, 2007, 09:08:23 PM »

Makeitstop,
   I'm not sure.  What I think it means is that if the chance of developing BPD for any individual is 1 in 100 (I'm just using this amount for illustrative purposes), then for someone whose parent has BPD, there chance would be 6 in 100, which when put that way doesn't sound like much.  But again, I can't say for certain.  That's what I understood it to mean.

  It's good that you are doing all you can to help your daughters through a difficult time.

   Abigail
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bart11
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« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2007, 11:16:01 AM »

I think you forgot "Genetic Predisposition" in the list of possibilities.

There may have been a predisposition in my family as there is a long history of mental illness there.

My momster had an abusive father and a dismissive mother (my grandmomster).

Unfortunately momster never sought therapy and continued the whole sick cycle of abuse and mental illness.

Bart
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"It's not like my mother is a maniac or a raving thing. She just goes a little mad sometimes......."

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« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2007, 11:52:22 AM »

Bart,
You're right about the genetic thing. Many facts seem to strongly suggest there is a possible genetic predisposition. There are a few exceptions but in ex's case, there was a family history of odd behaviors.

He had a great childhood until age 12 - mom's boyfriend sexually abused him and his brother over the course of a year.  I believe this is what triggered and caused his illness. 

It just seems you could kill them with love and kindness, like you could help them out of their despair - sadly enough, its not possible  cry 

That's so terrible. I have two sons ages 11 and 13 and it would kill me to know someone sexually abused them.  cry
I tried so hard to love him and show him I would stand by him no matter what. It's not possible... you cannot reach what was never there to begin with. Although it breaks my heart to know he never felt loved or happy his entire life, there was nothing I could do to change that.
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« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2007, 12:44:27 PM »

That's so terrible. I have two sons ages 11 and 13 and it would kill me to know someone sexually abused them.  cry

I tried so hard to love him and show him I would stand by him no matter what. It's not possible... you cannot reach what was never there to begin with.

But - and this is a general question posed to everyone - what if it was there in the beginning and it was twisted by circumstances? Serenity, your boys are good boys aren't they? Of course - most children are inherently good. But I'd say being molested could damage a child in fundamental, lasting ways (developmentally, emotionally, behaviorally).

Everybody here's BP was once a child. Who knows what happened to them (us)? There are subtle forms of chronic abuse, there are discrete traumatic events, there are childhood accidents where the head is injured. I do agree there's a genetic sensitivity that is there before birth - that's why most people with hellish childhoods - and there are a lot - don't develop BPD: it's rather some combination of genetics/prenatal stressors plus life experiences. I believe both (and probably other, yet-unknown factors) work on the developing brain of the fetus/infant/child and permanently change it. In medical literature there are several indications that brain structure in people with BPD is different than normal people. But it's not known if this is the cause of the BPD, or due to the BPD.

Then this biologically vulnerable child is exposed to some event or circumstance or relationship that somehow worsens the underlying problems. The child learns dysfunctional behavior as a way to 1) cope with their disability; 2) survive in a hostile environment (or even one they perceive is hostile); and 3) seek to get their needs met. The child literally does not know what s/he is learning, or that it's not normal: they only know what they've seen. The child then becomes the adult... but I would argue learning doesn't progress as it does with most healthy people. Instead it is "stuck" in survival mode and the person continues to use the defenses and strategies that got them through, that is, they are the emotional equivalent of a child. An angry, scared, hurt, disturbed child. And that  kind of dysfunction in an adult can be so horribly destructive to unsuspecting loved ones, who believe - at first - that this normal-seeming adult is just like themselves...

Well, I didn't mean to come off like I was giving a lecture. I'm just kinda fascinated with the subject. Of course, this is all my own supposition. But it's what makes some sense to me - not only in my own experience as someone recovering from BPD, but in the past histories and present behavior of the many people with BPD I know, and from the extensive research I've done on the subject.

To know why isn't to excuse - especially the brutally abusive behavior many people with BPD ironically perpetuate on their loved ones. But maybe knowing why can help us view the BPs in our lives with compassion. Not so much for them - although it does help - but for ourselves so that we can heal a little by getting rid of the (legitimate) bitterness and hurt anger, which, if it is not let go, will eventually poison our own hearts.
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Act as if the future of the universe depended on what you did, while laughing at yourself for thinking that whatever you do makes any difference. ~a wise buddhist
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