venting and need advice

[Think About It...]

Hi,

I'm new here, and I've only posted two or three times.  I, like many of you, have just come out of a bad weekend with my BPD SO (he's not diagnosed but displays every single sign).

Just in the past week or two, he's done the following:

--Gotten mad at me for a dream he had
--Accused me of taking his copy of my car key off his ring (on purpose and keeping it from him--which I didn't do.  He loses things frequently)
--Gotten mad at me for humming!  (That one pissed me off most.  I only hum when happy, and it seems that any time I actually start to feel like things might be getting better, he starts this crap all over again).
--Gotten so mad at me for "interrupting him" that he caused a scene and left me at my stepmother's house (He was waiting for me to get ready to leave there to go to see other family members, and I had just come back from the bathroom.  He had been measuring something for my stepmother and had just come back into the room.  I simply asked him a question while he was trying to remember something) and that was the end to any "normal" behavior.  He picks fights every time we go there because he doesn't want to see the people we were getting ready to visit.  He'd never admit it, but I'm sure of it).
--Gotten mad at the dog for "breathing on him"

I'm sure there are at least 10 more things I could name, but these are the ones that stand out. 

I'm trying to learn how to deal with him better, and sometimes ignoring him or leaving the room helps, but there are times that he just gets more upset and it makes things worse.

I am willing to stay with him for now (he's got a doc appointment in about a month and promises to tell the doctor about his moods/depression/etc.  In the meantime (and until he finally gets some actual help), I need to figure out a way to cope better.  I am so tired.

Thanks for listening.

Lastresort

[lastresort]

Hi,

I'm new here, and I've only posted two or three times.  I, like many of you, have just come out of a bad weekend with my BPD SO (he's not diagnosed but displays every single sign).

Just in the past week or two, he's done the following:

--Gotten mad at me for a dream he had
--Accused me of taking his copy of my car key off his ring (on purpose and keeping it from him--which I didn't do.  He loses things frequently)
--Gotten mad at me for humming!  (That one pissed me off most.  I only hum when happy, and it seems that any time I actually start to feel like things might be getting better, he starts this crap all over again).
--Gotten so mad at me for "interrupting him" that he caused a scene and left me at my stepmother's house (He was waiting for me to get ready to leave there to go to see other family members, and I had just come back from the bathroom.  He had been measuring something for my stepmother and had just come back into the room.  I simply asked him a question while he was trying to remember something) and that was the end to any "normal" behavior.  He picks fights every time we go there because he doesn't want to see the people we were getting ready to visit.  He'd never admit it, but I'm sure of it).
--Gotten mad at the dog for "breathing on him"

I'm sure there are at least 10 more things I could name, but these are the ones that stand out. 

I'm trying to learn how to deal with him better, and sometimes ignoring him or leaving the room helps, but there are times that he just gets more upset and it makes things worse.

I am willing to stay with him for now (he's got a doc appointment in about a month and promises to tell the doctor about his moods/depression/etc.  In the meantime (and until he finally gets some actual help), I need to figure out a way to cope better.  I am so tired.

Thanks for listening.

Lastresort

[jimfly]

lastresort,

I can definitely feel your pain w/ a couple of this things that your SO did over the weekend.  I have woken up in the middle of the night be strangled by my wife for having a dream that upset her (she claims I was fantasizing about other women).

She has also become extremely angry at me on many occassions for humming, singing, whistling, etc.  She then claims that I do it just to annoy her, but I try to explain that I am just being happy.  But if I don't show any emotions, she accuses me of being stone cold and "vacant."

As for the "interrupting," I can DEFINITELY relate to that.  My wife thinks everyone is out to interrupt her thoughts and things she says.  One time we were on a 4 hour car ride w/ my mother and little brother (they were in the back seat).  About 30 minutes into the trip, we were all talking about something, and my mother (sitting in back) didn't realize my wife wasn't finished talking, and my mom began talking.  My wife didn't say 2 words the ENTIRE rest of the trip.  I ended up having to apologize for my family's behavior?

It sounds like your SO could benefit from weekly appointments w/ a good therapist.

A better question to ask, though, is what have you done for YOU lately?  We all have to learn how to better interact with the BPD in our lives, but we also have to take care of ourselves.  I'm trying to learn the concept that you can't love anyone until you love yourself first.

Good luck,
JF