WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES

[Think About It...]

In a few hours we are leaving for back to back Dr. appointments with our family Dr. In addition to our routine check ups, my SO has to report that he is ready to give up his alcohol and go into treatment. This will be like beating a dead horse. He has no intention of giving up his beloved bottle or going into treatment. His contention is that if he can find some "qauack" that will give him pain relief, then and only then will he "remotely" consider giving up the booze. Our Dr. is supposed to refer him to a pain management Dr.
 
 As far as therapy or treatment, he tells me he doesn't need it. He says he's been there, done that, and bought the T shirt. So when she asks him if he is ready to give up the alcohol and seek treatment, I'm just going to sit there like a bump on a log and let him answer for himself. I will tell her that I am with a support group. ala "The Nook." At the present time this seems to be working for me. I have learned much and gotten a lot of strength from my fellow nons.  
 
For the past several days, he has been behaving himself. There have been no rages. He hasn't even said anything about the cat whom he hates with a venom. He has been on Omacor omega 3 (Essential fatty acids) capsules for his cholesterol, also on a blood pressure medication.  I would like to believe that this is helping calm his rages. Re: The thread "Essential Fatty Acids." I will certainly not look a gift horse in the mouth. I've complimented him on how calm and nice he's been lately. I don't miss a moment to hold him and tell him how very much he is loved. He said that he is really working hard at controlling his emotions and being nicer. Things that usually have him going off the deep end are only minor issues lately. What gives? I don't know. As I've said in past posts, we had a serious sit down talk two weeks ago (when he was sober) and I told it to him, just like it was. That's when I told him if he didn't clean up his act I wouldn't be afraid to ask him to leave, as much as I loved him. It took everything I had and all the strength I could muster to say that to him. I told him that I meant "business." I also told him if he could find a nice lady like me that was willing to take him in and give him a second chance at life, not to mention a place to call home, good luck. I still maintain this stance and don't plan to back down. I have given him my all, and now I'm hoping he realizes this. I made quite a bit of sacrifice for him last week concerning his outpatient surgery.
 
I will be interested to see what happens today at the Drs. appointment. It's usually after these visits that he gets defensive and balks at their "so called" advice. Like most bps he has a total distrust of Drs. This includes our family Dr. She is young, but very knowledgeable. He said that she's a "quack"  just like all of the others. I asked him why he even bothered going to her. He didn't have an answer.  
 
As far as how long this present state of mind will last with him remains to be seen. I would like to think forever, but we know better. I think now, with my new knowledge, I will be better able to handle his next rage. No, you can't change the spots on a leopard, but I think I can better handle the "beast" no matter the spots. I'll let you know how it goes. Thank you all for your support. Any feed back is always appreciated.
 
Thanks,
Ave

[Ave Marina]

In a few hours we are leaving for back to back Dr. appointments with our family Dr. In addition to our routine check ups, my SO has to report that he is ready to give up his alcohol and go into treatment. This will be like beating a dead horse. He has no intention of giving up his beloved bottle or going into treatment. His contention is that if he can find some "qauack" that will give him pain relief, then and only then will he "remotely" consider giving up the booze. Our Dr. is supposed to refer him to a pain management Dr.
 
 As far as therapy or treatment, he tells me he doesn't need it. He says he's been there, done that, and bought the T shirt. So when she asks him if he is ready to give up the alcohol and seek treatment, I'm just going to sit there like a bump on a log and let him answer for himself. I will tell her that I am with a support group. ala "The Nook." At the present time this seems to be working for me. I have learned much and gotten a lot of strength from my fellow nons.  
 
For the past several days, he has been behaving himself. There have been no rages. He hasn't even said anything about the cat whom he hates with a venom. He has been on Omacor omega 3 (Essential fatty acids) capsules for his cholesterol, also on a blood pressure medication.  I would like to believe that this is helping calm his rages. Re: The thread "Essential Fatty Acids." I will certainly not look a gift horse in the mouth. I've complimented him on how calm and nice he's been lately. I don't miss a moment to hold him and tell him how very much he is loved. He said that he is really working hard at controlling his emotions and being nicer. Things that usually have him going off the deep end are only minor issues lately. What gives? I don't know. As I've said in past posts, we had a serious sit down talk two weeks ago (when he was sober) and I told it to him, just like it was. That's when I told him if he didn't clean up his act I wouldn't be afraid to ask him to leave, as much as I loved him. It took everything I had and all the strength I could muster to say that to him. I told him that I meant "business." I also told him if he could find a nice lady like me that was willing to take him in and give him a second chance at life, not to mention a place to call home, good luck. I still maintain this stance and don't plan to back down. I have given him my all, and now I'm hoping he realizes this. I made quite a bit of sacrifice for him last week concerning his outpatient surgery.
 
I will be interested to see what happens today at the Drs. appointment. It's usually after these visits that he gets defensive and balks at their "so called" advice. Like most bps he has a total distrust of Drs. This includes our family Dr. She is young, but very knowledgeable. He said that she's a "quack"  just like all of the others. I asked him why he even bothered going to her. He didn't have an answer.  
 
As far as how long this present state of mind will last with him remains to be seen. I would like to think forever, but we know better. I think now, with my new knowledge, I will be better able to handle his next rage. No, you can't change the spots on a leopard, but I think I can better handle the "beast" no matter the spots. I'll let you know how it goes. Thank you all for your support. Any feed back is always appreciated.
 
Thanks,
Ave

[At_Bay]

I sure hope things go/went well at the doctor's office. It's a shame he talks about doctors like that without saying, "except for your daughter." He could at least be polite to you after all that you're doing for him. There shouldn't be another rage for the sake of your own health. It probably scares the cat, too!

Good luck today. Let us know how things went at the doctors' offices.

At Bay

[Ave Marina]

So the Dr. appointment went off without a hitch. On our drive to the Dr. I asked him how he would answer the Dr. when she asks him if he plans to quit drinking. He surprised me by saying that he's actually cut back. You couldn't prove it by me. I've gotten to where I just don't pay any attention anymore as to how much he drinks. He said that he has an extra bottle left over, that is usually gone by now. As always, I give him positive re enforcement. I told him that it was a start, and I would support him. We talked to the Dr. about seeing another Dr. for pain management. I wasn't going to say anything, but couldn't resist. I said "(my SO) said that if he could find a Dr. that would cure his pain, he would get off the liquor completely." "Isn't that right sweetie." He was more or less forced into saying "Yes." I wanted him to say it to the Dr. so that it was more of a commitment. He has really been very sweet and nice. I've been down this road before with him. It usually lasts about a couple of weeks and then he "splits" for no apparent reason. One little thing will set him off. It could be a TV program that I'm watching,that he doesn't like, to me forgetting to do something. It's usually when the kitty meows or coughs up a hair ball. She is his nemesis. He usually lashes out after waking up from one of his stupors and he is a real SOB. He told me today he has really been exercising some restraint not to lash out at me. He says he's really trying. I want to believe him. Only this time I am more prepared than I've ever been. I feel much stronger since being on BPDFamily. I will not take any more verbal abuse from him, or play his game. I think he knows this now. He may test the waters, but I'm
not going to budge this time. I like me too much, and he will not hurt me anymore. I plan to tell him to "talk to the hand." Then I will walk away. Ideally, I would like to think that he really means it this time. I know his character. I've learned that most bps mean it at the time, and are quite sincere. Then they back slide. This seems to be the story of his life. Not to worry, you all will be the first to know if and when he decides to go to "black" again. Stay tuned.
 
Ave

[At_Bay]

That sounds good that he talked with you about it in the car. I like it that you talked at the doctor's office about the prominent problem in your home. For many years I tip-toed around the biggest problem we had, and it was my undoing. Secrets are terrible things and traps, I found.

It sounds like things are better for you and I'm glad. Better because of you getting stronger. I can identify with that.

At Bay

[Ave Marina]

Bay,
Thanks for your encouragement. He knows he's screwed up things in the past. I actually believe the old boy has developed a conscience and realizes that he has hurt a "nice" lady that really gives a darn about him. I proved last week how much I loved him with all of the sacrifices I made on his behalf involving his surgery.(losing time from work, putting untold mileage on my car due the distance to and from the hospital, filling prescriptions etc.) I have also stood by his side and held his hand with each and every Dr. visit in the past. Something apparently hit home with him when we had our serious "talk" a couple of weeks ago. I also have some new medical issues that were revealed during our Dr. visit on Wed. Nothing earth shattering, but needs continuing medical attention. This will also force him to take some of the focus off of himself and his "all about me" syndrome for a change.

Ave