Gave SWOE to 14 year old stepson

[Think About It...]

M and I decided to do some prep work with SS before he goes to visit BPDmom for a month, after he made the decision to come and live with us at Christmas without discussing it with her.  He was subjected to a lot of anger and guilting from her at that time.  He has been talking on the phone to her a couple times a week since then, mostly its okay but we really don't know what kinds of things she says or asks him.  It never sounds like she is interested in hearing anything positive from him about living with us - she digs for the negative.

We still don't have a signed agreement in our hands from her which states that she acknowledges the new status quo, ie. that SS wants to live with us permanently.  SS has agreed with us that he probably shouldn't go down to visit her without it.  He has read some of the SWOE and M has talked to him about her behaviour.  He seems to understand what's going on with her and knows that she is going to "go to work" on him when he gets down there to try to make him stay.

He is supposed to fly down on the 25th.  BPDmom says her lawyer is faxing "something" to M today.  I wonder what that could be?

Sue

[sujane80]

M and I decided to do some prep work with SS before he goes to visit BPDmom for a month, after he made the decision to come and live with us at Christmas without discussing it with her.  He was subjected to a lot of anger and guilting from her at that time.  He has been talking on the phone to her a couple times a week since then, mostly its okay but we really don't know what kinds of things she says or asks him.  It never sounds like she is interested in hearing anything positive from him about living with us - she digs for the negative.

We still don't have a signed agreement in our hands from her which states that she acknowledges the new status quo, ie. that SS wants to live with us permanently.  SS has agreed with us that he probably shouldn't go down to visit her without it.  He has read some of the SWOE and M has talked to him about her behaviour.  He seems to understand what's going on with her and knows that she is going to "go to work" on him when he gets down there to try to make him stay.

He is supposed to fly down on the 25th.  BPDmom says her lawyer is faxing "something" to M today.  I wonder what that could be?

Sue

[fresabird]

Do you have a copy of "Understanding the Borderline Mother"?  It is a pretty hard read, at least for me it was, but if you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it.  You and your husband should both read it.  It details the different "types" using fairytale images, and gives strategies for dealing with them.  And it will also give you a better idea of how a BPD mother affects her children.  I don't know if your stepson is old enough to read it yet?  So I would definitely read it first.  Even if you think it is too much for him, you could teach him some of the strategies and use some of the explanations to help him understand.

Fresabird
daughter of a uBPD/apd momster, NC 13 years