a childs letter to a bp parent and gf

[Think About It....]

Meryl...thats what my daughter asked for...a restraining order!    I will check with my lawyer.  i emailed the events to him today.  I doubt that would be allowed as gf wasn't doing anything bad and she can claim she was just shopping or something stupid like that?   don't know but I need to do something.   Its aweful the feeling you get when someone follows you.  Its so unnerving.  This is triggering so much in me from when my exh stalked me 24/7.   Morphine, like you said... Its jsut so freakin ridiculous that a child has to go through this...especially after everything they have been through.  Its just wrong!

Jay...thank you for the great suggestion.  I hadn't even thought of this.  Childrens Services are involved with this situation.  I just sent them an email (cc;d to my lawyer) with all the details of the mall episode, the follwowing, my kids emotional state because of it and the letter that my daughter wrote to them.

I feel a bit like a roller coaster lately...one minute feeling strong and doing the right thing for my kids...the next sad and scared of what the hell is next.

[kellaroo]

Meryl...thats what my daughter asked for...a restraining order!    I will check with my lawyer.  i emailed the events to him today.  I doubt that would be allowed as gf wasn't doing anything bad and she can claim she was just shopping or something stupid like that?   don't know but I need to do something.   Its aweful the feeling you get when someone follows you.  Its so unnerving.  This is triggering so much in me from when my exh stalked me 24/7.   Morphine, like you said... Its jsut so freakin ridiculous that a child has to go through this...especially after everything they have been through.  Its just wrong!

Jay...thank you for the great suggestion.  I hadn't even thought of this.  Childrens Services are involved with this situation.  I just sent them an email (cc;d to my lawyer) with all the details of the mall episode, the follwowing, my kids emotional state because of it and the letter that my daughter wrote to them.

I feel a bit like a roller coaster lately...one minute feeling strong and doing the right thing for my kids...the next sad and scared of what the hell is next.

[imgritz]

My daughter was forcibly removed from my home by the BPD and Children Services didn't do a thing.  I'm curious to see what happens in your situation.

[kellaroo]

OMG...WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

  Are you telling me this, cause you think this is where its headed?

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[imgritz]

OMG...WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

  Are you telling me this, cause you think this is where its headed?

No. Don't Panic.  I am simply curious about Children Services.

The straw that broke this camel's back was when she forcibly removed the child from my house.  My eight-year-old daughter was screaming No, crying and trying to physically get away from her mother.  Where was I?  Embarassingly enough, I was stuck in the bathroom.

I called (not in any particular order)
1) Personal Psychologist - He said, "This doesn't surprise me.  Therapy will never work.  You are a good guy, an excellent father and I know you love your daughter very much.  You should never have contact with your X ever.  I want you to stop all therapy and apply your co-pays to going on more vacations."  He did nothing and doesn't want to see me anymore.

2) Child Psychologist - He said, "Nothing she does surprises me."  He has seen countless things like this and does relatively nothing because he can't or won't.

3) Police - "We don't get involved in domestic abuse case.  Unless she crosses state lines there is nothing we can do."

4) Attorney - "This is excellent news!  Let the BPD drive the kid nuts and one day we will go back into court when the child keeps asking for you."  Once again, NOTHING!

5) Child Services - "Since the police won't do anything, we won't do anything either."

6) Co-Parenting Counselor - He met with us.  We were shocked when the BPD finally admitted she did the act.  I was amazed when she blamed it on me some how.  Once again, Nothing. 

7) My solution - I told the co-parenting counselor "I don't want her on my front door nor will I go to a common area with the BPD."  He tries to come another solution.  I simply tell him, "I am not willing to put up with her abuse anymore nor should the child."

My point is...My kid gets abducted for a few hours and nothing happens.  I am curious to see what CS will do for you.  I simply want the information so I can do/say something different the next time my BPD does something so severe.

[kellaroo]

imgritz...thanks for the reply.  The b.s. you have been through is really aweful...for you and mostly your daughter!

I guess I reacted so alarmingly, as you know, I just don't know whats gonna happen next.   Is a judge going to force my d to go, kicking and screaming?  Even after she claims she will hurt herself?

we had a therapy session today.  the kids (son and d) in one and me in another.  I cried lots.  I am so heartbroken watching this crap unfold on my children.  But as the therapist i was talking to said, and as many say here, including yourself...all we can do is love them.   The will gravitate towards normal when they are shown normal and abnormal lives and personalities.     As well, as the kids therapist said she is amazed with their maturity (they are 9 and almost 11), their insight and their expression of their feelings.  She said I should be proud.   

It was indeed a ray of sunshine in my current mood of doom and gloom.

On a realistic note, I reiterated to the therapist i was seeing, thing you and others say...that they are getting no help.   She kind of  concluded what do you do?  Childrens services are involved...thats it though...they don't do anything, thye are just involved.   Our judge thinks its a he said/she said situation.

Both therapist suggested the best thing for my kids, since they clearly know what they want and don't want and like and don't like...is a Childrens Lawyer.   That is the next step.

Have you Imgritz or any others here had one and what is your experience?

[imgritz]

My life is a he said she said situation.  I went to court with a ton of examples but my BPD is very skilled in lying and denying.  I lost time with my kid (no lawyer, stupid me) but I got a court ordered child psychologist.

The BPD continue to go off the deep end accusing me and child psychologist of things.  BPD would make up false accusations all of the time and call police, child services and take me to court.  The child psychologist suggest I should get a child's attorney during the last court battle.  The psychologist said it is procedure where the attorney will then interview the professionals.  We asked in court and the judge denied us.

FYI  This was the time when the BPD falsified the child was going to hurt herself if the child was forced to go to my house.  Yeah right!  The judge saw right through the BS.  So, if you're child is actually afraid then I would make sure I would get a court ordered child psychologist too so he can observed the situation.

[kellaroo]

imgritz/...its so ironic when I read these situations such as yours.  My d does say she will hurt herself if forced to go.   I often wonder if my e xh thinks like you do ...that I am making it up?     Its odd.

Anyways...why would the judge say no to a child lawyer?  did they give a reason?

also...out of curiousity...where are you from? 

I left a message for my lawyer ...asking why don't we just supenia the CAS files?   the kids therapist has made 3 calls to them and written a letter, which would all be on the file...why not just get all the information that way?

[imgritz]

The BPD and I have two different tactics.

BPD extremely over exaggerates, calls CPS, calls Police, gets retraining orders and is constantly on the attack when we go to psychologists. 

I was told after I lost time with my child that my word means NOTHING.  This is why I surrounded myself with professionals.  One psychologist for me, one psychologist for child and one co-parenting psychologist.  During the one period,
1. BPD claims "Child is going to kill herself if forced to go to the doctors."
2. BPD bypassed the child psychologist and goes straight to child services.
3. I take daughter to child psychologist.
4. BPD writes a letter refusing treatment from psychologist.
5. Psychologist writes a letter indicating BPD is refusing treatment. 
6. Psychologist tells me to hire an attorney and take her to court to make him in as the only psychologist.
7. BPD goes to court and gets a one-day restraining order on me.  I comply.
8. I show up at court with the psychologist letter.
9. BPD claims CPS has sent over a letter stating her facts.
10. We ask for a child attorney.
11. Judge does not have a CPS letter.
12. Judge read psychologist letter which BPD didn't bring.  Surprise, surprise!
13. Judge asks me if the child is fine.  I said Yes.
14. Judge denied all BPD claims.
15. Judge did not respond to child attorney request.
16.  I went through emotional hell and paid the attorney $2K.

That's my story!


P.S. California

[John Galt]

Hey Kels,

Sorry I have not been around for a while.

You know me and my views well.

Document , document, and document. Also journal everything in your own handwriting is very key-believe it or not -in how our courts here look at things.

Keep your lawyer abreast of everything as you are.

Good things happen to good people so you and your kids will be safe,

Marc

[TexasSky]

You are missing one of the easiest solutions to this dilema.

Remind your child that she is not required to open or read anything addressed to her.

If son needs to deliver it, fine.
If daughter receives it and tosses it into the fireplace unread, fine.

Son is off the hook. He did what he was asked.
Daughter is not forced to go through the trauma of what she read.

You might even be able to show her how to mark email addresses as junk. (Don't junk it for her. Show her how to do that.)

[kellaroo]

thanks Marc (and welcome back) and Texas...

D has actually blocked email addresses from both dad and his gf.
And we actually discussed that...just not accepting things and not opening them etc.   The whole following daughter scene at mall and the letter d wrote to them has been reported in detail to my lawyer and to childrens services, who are involved with the situation.
I want to help son too...and that would not help son, who says he doesn't like being the in the middle messenger boy.   I have made some rules inregards to all of this.  Post title :  ENOUGH!

THANKS!

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