What if the pw/ BPD recovered tomorrow?

[Surg_Bear]

I have never thought about this.

If my wife recovered, would she apologize for 25 years of abuse? 

What would that even look like? Recovery.

If she finally had the capacity to know what it feels like to be normal, I would tell her think about what she had put me through, and when she was done with that, to go F_-K herself and divorce her.

What is hardest for me in trying to muster the will to leave is the knowledge that she has an illness / disease.  A chronic, incurable disease.  If she was cured miraculously, I would leave.

Simple.

Surg_Bear

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SurfNTurf]

If my uBPDhusband recovered tomorrow, I would have considerably less stress in my daily life, and therefore fewer flares of my Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Our social life would improve as I would no longer be wary/embarrassed of inviting others to our home, b/c then home repairs projects would actually get completed and his behaviours would not be raising eyebrows.

We would have more conversations and less tantrums/silent periods. We would have more sharing of affection and intimacy because he would be bathing/taking care of his hygiene.

I would have better sleep as he would no longer be excalating at my bedtime. I would be better rested overall as he would  no longer practice intentional antagonism.

I would actually get to use the TV remote to watch my programs from time to time, fairly, b/c he would not be co-opting the remote all the time.

We would have more decisions negotiated as he would not be a control freak.

My sister and brother would notice he no longer minimizes me and actually might start liking him again.

But, I expect to see a pig flying first.

[maxsterling]

I can say it would take a while for me to actually trust that she "recovered".  And once I did actually trust it, I would:

- be happier, and live with less fear

- have more money

- have more free time

- see friends more often

- start a family

- get back involved in my hobbies.

BPD is really sucking the life out of me right now.  

I should add, the above would also be true if the r/s were to end.

[MaroonLiquid]

If my wife recovered tomorrow, I would be ecstatic, yet cautious for a while.  It would take some time to get over the constant pressure and fear of the next time she dysregulates.  I would be excited about the future again.