Who of you nookies has been brutally dumped by BPD?
Bdawn:
Count me in. I got the brutal dumping about eighteen months ago. One day he loved more than he had ever loved anyone, and a few days later I was the most heartless, selfish, evil gf to ever walk the face of this earth. And just a few weeks after he dumped me he had a brand new perfect gf that had moved right in with him. Can you imagine that? Ooops, guess we don't have to imagine this stuff cause it's our real lives. Anyways I spoke with him one time about 4 weeks after we split and he absolutely oozed contempt for me, told me he never wanted to speak with me again and if I ever tried to contact him he would call the police on me. It was the most brutal break up I have ever experienced in my entire life. Took me a long time to deal with it and I'm still dealing with it in some respects.
Oh and about six months after this horrible ordeal he comes to where I work to do some business and walks right up to me and starts chatting me up like were old buddies or something. Crazy motherx-x-x-xer!
Magnum:
My god what a stories? Why do they have to talk about marriage faking that everything is ok till the last moment and then brutally out of nowhere end it. I don't understand... .They could have talked about it?
I read this so many times here on bpdfamily. Can anyone explain?
Magnum
dontunderstand:
was recently talking to someone i know who is a phsychoanalyst... .i discussed with her my recent disappointment when my bf broke up with me unexpectedly (oh... .just to note here, my exbf does not have BPD - he was a great guy - but his exgf b4 me did)... .
at any rate, she said situations like this center around the issue of intimacy... .she said that people will break up enexpectedly (and sometimes over the phone) when they are afraid of getting too close or intimate with someone... .they will also often diminish the relationship so as to not acknowledge the importance of their feelings for you... .this way, they will not get hurt... .
i, of course, argued that i had no intention of hurting him as i had no intention of breaking up with him (i really liked him!)... .but she said that people who have been hurt in intimate realtionships in the past will often prompt a break-up when they sense you getting too close to their heart (better that than to risk the possibility of getting hurt again)... .
Jeffree:
Magnum,
Why do they have to talk about marriage faking that everything is ok till the last moment and then brutally out of nowhere end it. I don't understand... .They could have talked about it?
Like FrankTalk said, "there's no middle ground." Thus, I would assume once they feel it has come down to having to talk to "fix" things, the relationship is already broken, done, gone in the mind of the BPD. They're either great and perfect, in which case you can just revel in the false belief that this is the greatest thing since sliced bread, OR they're broken and awful and no amount of talking will help. In other words, they might think, "Eh, what's the use?"
When I asked my STBxW why couples therapy was not an option, she said it might have been a year or two ago when all "this" started, but she's tired of trying to work it out. Now, while that might make sense on the surface, it is a completely insane thing for her to say.
For one, if things were so horrible a year ago, why didn't she say anything in the first place? Secondly, there is no time limit on when a couple can seek the help of a third party. And, as a matter of fact, that she was at the point of leaving was the PERFECT time to get into couples therapy when she up and left. Third, she never tried to do anything to work anything out previously, so how could she be tired of doing something she never did? Fourthly, I was the one who expressed concern on multiple occasions about the state of our relationship and that we were disconected. Those were perfect opportunities to express HER concerns, but she never did. She cried, said she didn't know what was wrong, and was afraid of losing me.
I think during those conversations, all the evidence would have pointed to her having to go back on her meds and get back into therapy if we really sat down and hashed things out. I figure that's the reality she didn't want to face. And, it was easier for her emotionally to give me up rather than go back on the meds and re-enter T. This way, she is able to feel as thought she REALLY is better, rather than feeling like a failure for not being able to stay off her meds and out of T.
BUT, the reality is talking things out really is the essence of the relationship, and many people, BPD or otherwise, do not want to deal with that. It too difficult. They'd rather NOT give you answers when you have concerns, then blame you for ruining their fun, then run away, disappear, and leave you in the dust, rather than have to deal with the most intimate of intimate moments--the working together, sharing, caring for the greater good of the relationship.
That's my 2 cents!
--J
bewildered2:
I was. But only after I booted her out first for her crazy, abusive, and threatening behaviour. Meaning, I got rid of her then sought a reconciliation and she blanked me and then called the police. Very mature, just what you would expect from a Borderline.
B2
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