Dh called CPS on BPDexw, anyone ever done this to a BPD? what can I expect?

[Think About It....]

Well...

Dh followed up for SS re: his doc appt that BPDexw said she was going to do... she didn't take him...

So, CPS is called for medical neglect. DH also informed them how SS is never bathed unless he was with us.
Bpdexw is VERY insecure re: her caregiving/parental skills... DH was the caregiver for SS. She is now being called out for her irresponsibilty thank god. I know the investigation can go nowhere, but just the fact they will show up will freak her out.
I can't tell you how many times DH has told me that SS tells him that the only time he gets a bath is when he is with his dad. DH was the "mom". SS looks dirty when he comes over, he's an 8 yo boy playing all day. These bath discussions don't happen in front of me, that would be awkward for SS for sure, but he makes comments about not needing one at his mom's etc. etc...

BPDexw is in law school, and moved out of the family home to a rental property where she lives with (I guess) another woman and child. Dont' know the details, if SS has his own room, he never says anything... So we don't know the living conditions.

So this is going to be interesting, anyone ever done this? What was the backlash you experienced? I can expect a visit in return of course, but we have nothing to hide. My worries are that she makes up something/false accusations, that type of thing especially with my pregnancy I dont' know what stunts she may pull

Dh says she is a big bully(which she is, she never follows through with anything except being sneaky and using people to get things... she is high functioning, but she's an idiot as well)

I am concerned for SS of course, not getting the care he needed. I am hoping that she took him to a doc close to her home since she made an issue of that at pickup last friday, however that was so unwise of her to not at least inform DH of that - we haven't heard anything from her at all. Is she trying to hide? who knows...

I don't know how long this CPS investigation thing takes re: them visiting her, but how much of a mess will this start? good grief.

[noway]

Well...

Dh followed up for SS re: his doc appt that BPDexw said she was going to do... she didn't take him...

So, CPS is called for medical neglect. DH also informed them how SS is never bathed unless he was with us.
Bpdexw is VERY insecure re: her caregiving/parental skills... DH was the caregiver for SS. She is now being called out for her irresponsibilty thank god. I know the investigation can go nowhere, but just the fact they will show up will freak her out.
I can't tell you how many times DH has told me that SS tells him that the only time he gets a bath is when he is with his dad. DH was the "mom". SS looks dirty when he comes over, he's an 8 yo boy playing all day. These bath discussions don't happen in front of me, that would be awkward for SS for sure, but he makes comments about not needing one at his mom's etc. etc...

BPDexw is in law school, and moved out of the family home to a rental property where she lives with (I guess) another woman and child. Dont' know the details, if SS has his own room, he never says anything... So we don't know the living conditions.

So this is going to be interesting, anyone ever done this? What was the backlash you experienced? I can expect a visit in return of course, but we have nothing to hide. My worries are that she makes up something/false accusations, that type of thing especially with my pregnancy I dont' know what stunts she may pull

Dh says she is a big bully(which she is, she never follows through with anything except being sneaky and using people to get things... she is high functioning, but she's an idiot as well)

I am concerned for SS of course, not getting the care he needed. I am hoping that she took him to a doc close to her home since she made an issue of that at pickup last friday, however that was so unwise of her to not at least inform DH of that - we haven't heard anything from her at all. Is she trying to hide? who knows...

I don't know how long this CPS investigation thing takes re: them visiting her, but how much of a mess will this start? good grief.

[sonnyboy1]

So this is your husband's son, right?

If your state is like mine, then CPS will likely talk to mom and son, give her a stern talk, and make a finding of "no maltreatment."  In my state there is a double standard regarding women.  Here, if a child is choked by a man, this man will go to jail and lose custody of his kids.  And if a woman chokes her child, she gets a stern talk, goes to therapy, and keeps the custody of her kids.  This is a true story.  My story.

I am guessing that the BP-ex will be unphased by the visit of CPS.  Borderlines love conflict.  A dearth of conflict is a fate worse than death. 

Let us know what happens.

Stay well --

Sonnyboy

[Love the man hate the BP]

In our case, DYFS was called initially by my SO, and almost immediately thereafter by his son's school, when he came in one day after a particularly grueling night involving the police at his home.  They are legally responsible to place that call.

I believe that was the tipping point for her rapid downward spiral.  Not much happened, as the wheels of those agencies are maddeningly slow, but they did come to her home, interview her, the child, etc.  They have never come to us, yet.  Did she escalate?  Oh yeah...with reports at how "complementary the caseworker was on her home", and "how abuse could never happen in such a clean home"!  Of course not...cleanliness is next to Godliness, right?

I must say, however, that the case is still open, we have never received any information as to the findings, and the judge is apparently going to review the information prior to making a custody ruling in February.

What it has offered my SO is another place to document and he calls the caseworker pretty much on a regular basis to report the big stuff (i.e. drunk driving, etc), but again, no real resolution or outcome as yet.  When he is unable to reach the caseworker, he goes to her superior.  These are state agencies, noway, need I say more?

Finally, I think it's always better for the CPS/DYFS to be notified by a third party when possible, such as the school, hospital, neighbor, etc.  However, as I see it, the more light that is shined on this crap, and the more eyes that turn to look, the better.

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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

[gettinthere]

Noway

  I think I am in the minority, my experience with cps was a lifesaver. I'm sure my outcome was directly related to the case workers insight.

  CPS in my case was called by a third party, CPS's safety plan said no unsupervised time with mom, they even stood behind me in court and recommended I have sole custody.

  The thing to realize is CPS has virtually no power, even a court order has little impact on someone with BPD, they don't need to follow the rules.

  It does help to show patterns of behaviour to the court, and if you can get cps on your side it's a plus.

  Make sure if the investigation turns ugly that your husband is totally up front about anything in his past. The BPD will twist anything to take the pressure off her.

  W

[evien]

My experience was similar to Sonny's. I think when the report comes from a mandatory reporter it makes a better/bigger impact than when it comes from a co-parent or (in my case) stepparent.

I called because the skids (9 & 10) were left alone for a few days/nights at BM's while she was out of town "on business" (a frightening concept in itself!). They did a safety check AFTER BM got back and found the skids were ok and told BM it "wasn't a good idea to leave kid alone overnight until they were in their teens". This blows my mind.

Evien

Oh, DH knew about this all along and didn't think twice. Is it just me? IS IT?

[PamelaMc]

Our attorney has advised us to file for custody of skids over health/sanitary issues, but my DH hasn't pulled the trigger just yet.  Honestly, I have little faith in the system.

Our uBPD is moderately functioning.  She is a school teacher who has had the same job for 12 years, and by outward appearances is a model citizen.  Peel back the onion and you will find that she is emotionally abusive to the skids, keeps an appallingly dirty house, cannot manage to balance a budget on ANY amount of money, and (our most viable source of ammo) has allowed my SS9 to develop into an obese child.  We've heard that unless there is feces on the floor and hypodermic needles laying around, CPS doesn't remove kids for the house being dirty.  Emotional abuse is almost impossible to prove and not punishable, and my (stupid) DH bails her out of her financial straits on a regular basis... so, so much for proving she's too immature to have a checking account or credit cards.  If we can ever have skids long enough to schedule a blood test... if SS's cholesterol and sugar levels are off we can press for physical neglect issues.  But odds are they would allow her to keep custody and just make her fill prescriptions for SS.

Keep us posted on your case.

[noway]

Dh has an appt with a social worker tomorrow(thought that was fast) with CPS.

The fact that this was medical neglect and the docs have documentation to back this up, takes it a step beyond just the "concern" type of thing. I wished the docs office filed this instead, however DH will be at the docs office prior to the appt.

I don't expect miracles at all, at least DH is pursuing this for his son's sake and has this documented for his case if things get out of hand down the road. At least it looks like he tried to do something.

[Fabelli]

Best of luck to you and your DH. We're pulling for you. Your SS needs your protection.

Fab

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