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Think About It... Whenever we refuse to take responsibility for ourselves, we are unconsciously choosing to react as victim. This inevitably creates feelings of anger, fear, guilt or inadequacy and leaves us feeling betrayed, or taken advantage of by others.~ Lynne Forrest
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Author Topic: Should you let the BP in your life know that you believe they have BPD?  (Read 3126 times)
willowtree007
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« Reply #10 on: February 26, 2007, 12:49:46 AM »

My response is different than most. In the book Lost in the Mirror, Dr. Moskovitz states that one of the biggest diservices done to BPDs is keeping their diagnosis a secret. He of course was talking about the relationship between the BPD and his/her therapist. The age old question is how does one get their SO into therapy? I suggest you read this book.

In our last re-engagement, I brought the subject up, during a warm moment. I showed him a list of criteria and asked if he related to any of it. At first, he rejected it, but by the end of the evening, he thought there was a possibility. There was no raging. Of those others, who report a raging response, I wonder in what manner and under what circumstances, the suggestion was raised. I left him with the list (at his request) and also the book mentioned above.

One week later, (no fights, no arguments, just a wonderful re-engagement), he fell off the face of the earth and I didn't hear from him for nearly two weeks. I knew what was happening and I knew it was over for me. I was disgusted. He phoned eventually and explained his absence with "I went to a dark place". I figure the dark place was between someone else's thighs, followed by no success.

I would not recommend telling your SO if you want to continue the relationship as it is - with a project for a partner. I didn't want that, so I felt that I had nothing to lose, by bringing up BPD. (Also I knew I was in no danger of a physically abusive response. For those that are, forget it!) I loved this man in his finer moments and felt it was worth a gentle try. So what if your BPD rages, blames you or walks out? What have you lost? You've lost a dysfunctional relationship. And then you can get on with getting back on your own two feet, knowing that you gave it your best shot, probably experiencing less longing in your recovery process.

I would love to ask this question to recovering BPDs.

Wil





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JoannaK
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« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2007, 02:50:47 PM »

From the old Nook:

 
 
willowtree007
« Reply #10 on: February 26, 2007, 12:49:46 am » 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote
My response is different than most. In the book Lost in the Mirror, Dr. Moskovitz states that one of the biggest diservices done to BPDs is keeping their diagnosis a secret. He of course was talking about the relationship between the BPD and his/her therapist. The age old question is how does one get their SO into therapy? I suggest you read this book.

In our last re-engagement, I brought the subject up, during a warm moment. I showed him a list of criteria and asked if he related to any of it. At first, he rejected it, but by the end of the evening, he thought there was a possibility. There was no raging. Of those others, who report a raging response, I wonder in what manner and under what circumstances, the suggestion was raised. I left him with the list (at his request) and also the book mentioned above.

One week later, (no fights, no arguments, just a wonderful re-engagement), he fell off the face of the earth and I didn't hear from him for nearly two weeks. I knew what was happening and I knew it was over for me. I was disgusted. He phoned eventually and explained his absence with "I went to a dark place". I figure the dark place was between someone else's thighs, followed by no success.

I would not recommend telling your SO if you want to continue the relationship as it is - with a project for a partner. I didn't want that, so I felt that I had nothing to lose, by bringing up BPD. (Also I knew I was in no danger of a physically abusive response. For those that are, forget it!) I loved this man in his finer moments and felt it was worth a gentle try. So what if your BPD rages, blames you or walks out? What have you lost? You've lost a dysfunctional relationship. And then you can get on with getting back on your own two feet, knowing that you gave it your best shot, probably experiencing less longing in your recovery process.

I would love to ask this question to recovering BPDs.

Wil

dolface
« Reply #11 on: February 26, 2007, 05:03:46 am » 

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Quote
I was told, quiet bluntly that if I mentioned it to him again that he would punched me to the ground. I so wish that he would walk away, out of my life and leave me alone. Wishful thinking on my part!
 
 
 
geroldmodel
 « Reply #12 on: February 26, 2007, 08:00:11 am » 

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There was a time when I did not yet know my gf had uBPD.

I remember one time she raged at me again (with no obvious reason) and called me names
-I had drew a boundary on namecalling on a previous rage-
I got furious and said she was mentally ill for raging without a reason.
(little did I know...)

She actually physically attacked me.
 
 
 
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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?
This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board.
All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)
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