Help - I Want Him Back

[Think About It...]

Lot's of good advice - thanks. I'm feeling much stronger today. It helps when I  look at my missing "Mike" as an addiction - which it probably truly is. It's easier to deal with it that way - do you think a 12 step program would work with emotional addiction?

I read a very interesting article here in the Fact section - It was about BPDs mirroring their nons good traits - that was an  eye opener! Being very perceptive, my ex instantly picked up on my good traits and just took them on (briefly) himself. No wonder we think they are so wonderful and our soulmates - they are acting like us! Until they decide they can't or don't want to keep the act up - then they act like themselves - and that is where the pain comes in.

Once again - thank you all

[flower1sun1]

Lot's of good advice - thanks. I'm feeling much stronger today. It helps when I  look at my missing "Mike" as an addiction - which it probably truly is. It's easier to deal with it that way - do you think a 12 step program would work with emotional addiction?

I read a very interesting article here in the Fact section - It was about BPDs mirroring their nons good traits - that was an  eye opener! Being very perceptive, my ex instantly picked up on my good traits and just took them on (briefly) himself. No wonder we think they are so wonderful and our soulmates - they are acting like us! Until they decide they can't or don't want to keep the act up - then they act like themselves - and that is where the pain comes in.

Once again - thank you all

[brucey]

It's great that you are feeling better today.  Yes, emotional addictions can be treated with many different approaches.  You will get over it.  For now, just remember that the urges will come again.  You need a plan to combat them.  Don't act on your urges.  Contact with him will only cause you pain; either short-term or long-term.  There is no good that can come from contact with him.  What could he say that would make things better?  Could you believe what he says?  What would happen in the future?  Could you trust that it would work out?  Of course not.  There is only pain that comes from contact.  When you get the urge to contact him, which you will, you need to combat it.  You need a plan of action.  What will you do?  Call a friend.  Call a family member.  Go out with someone.  Come to BPDFamily.  Whatever.  Just stay on track.  Things will get better.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[forgotten]

Flower-

Glad you are felling better today.  You will have good days and bad days.  As Bewildered says have some discipline because you will have to fight the urges on the bad days.  The urges are natural and to be expected and I think most of us on here in a similar situation have faced them...and sometimes we have given in.  But you know something I don't think there is a single story where if someone did they came out of it talking about how glad they were that they did break NC...invariably it led to more pain.  The hard truth is that going through recovery from this addiction or whatever you want to call it will be tough and it will hurt but the qucikest way to recovery is through NC.  Breaking NC only draws out the recovery and increases the pain.  If you do give in though - pick up the pieces and start over again and we will be here to help!  The great thing about this place is that we have all been there and can really identify with what you are going through.  Occassionally you may get a tough love approach from some on here and sometimes that may be what you need to hear but never fear that people in this community are not on your side.  It sucks that we have gone through all this but it does bond us together.

Stay strong!

A1313

[flower1sun1]

Thanks for the advice - don't think I would go back at this point - think I can get through the urges for contact. I took one bit of advice - today I took some action which will ensure I could never open the door to that relationship ever again, even if I wanted to - and I feel very empowered!  And - it didn't include any contact with "mike". But that relationship is done forever - no turning back. Don't think it was necessarily revengeful - but I look at it as an insurance policy.

Here is what I did - I sqaushed his hopes for running for political office by talking to my friend the Mayor and laying it on the line about "mikes" IRS tax delinquency. "mike's" political career is over before it began and I have guarenteed that there is no way we will ever get back together.

Hell hath no fury . . . .

[forgotten]

Wow - well I think that was a result of my advice...not exactly what I had in mind but whatever works!  Just be careful with vengence as there is nothing worse than a Vengeful borderline!

[Peace4us]

Great thread.

I was afraid to read this one, fearful of another soul lost to the calling.  Wow was I impressed.  Great support from a great board of members and how sweet to see this "flower" bloom in her own realization.


Nice.

flower

We all have good days and bad days, I love what Aames asked, what did you really miss?
Make a list of the really awful stuff, the hurt, the anguish, the lack of trust, the manipulation and read that on those days you waiver.  I assure you it will get you over the humps.

May your heart heal and your spirit soar.

Peace4us

[cali girl]

I agree Peace, but sometimes our anger highs are shortlived, I know mine were... it will always subside, then comes all the other emotions  ;== 

Flower, we're all rootin for ya... this guy sounds horribly abusive, and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.  Stay away from him at all costs!  I know you're angry and want revenge, but be careful your actions don't come around and kick you in the butt  /:)

Stay your course, stand your ground and stick around BPDFamily.

~ Cali

[isthisreal]

ITR-

I was wondering too if Lenny was talking about you!  I read all your posts when i first joined this board due to the similarity of our situations and I was like why does he keep going back for more abuse...if I am ever that bad someone please shoot me!

But even you survived and got out of it...inspiration for others on here!

LOL Alex, if I ever get that bad again, I agree.  Shoot me!