seriously... i'm completely black..

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

will she ever speak to me again? does she really feel like I'm a threat to her? her myspace page is blocked now also. i think my calling her last weekend must have triggered her. i left a nice message just asking her to call me back. then the angry message back from her accusing me of prank calling her from an anonymous phone. i need some clarity. i know it is pretty typical BPD stuff but this is so creepy. it's making me feel like i've done something wrong. it's terrible to get such hateful stuff from someone who i was so good to. i know she will go on to the next victim and probably play him the same way, but it still hurts. i know i am having a hard time letting this go but what could i have done to make her feel like i am a threat? i really need a reality check on this one. do they treat the people who were good to them worse than the people who were not good to them? my reality is completely messed up by this. should i give up any hope of becoming friendly with this person again? seems like such a shame that the 6 nmonth intimate relationship completely ruined a frienship of 15 years. i have been banished from her life. i am afraid she will never see me again for who i really am. does she know in her heart that i am not evil? or does she really think i am a danger?

[tracer]

will she ever speak to me again? does she really feel like I'm a threat to her? her myspace page is blocked now also. i think my calling her last weekend must have triggered her. i left a nice message just asking her to call me back. then the angry message back from her accusing me of prank calling her from an anonymous phone. i need some clarity. i know it is pretty typical BPD stuff but this is so creepy. it's making me feel like i've done something wrong. it's terrible to get such hateful stuff from someone who i was so good to. i know she will go on to the next victim and probably play him the same way, but it still hurts. i know i am having a hard time letting this go but what could i have done to make her feel like i am a threat? i really need a reality check on this one. do they treat the people who were good to them worse than the people who were not good to them? my reality is completely messed up by this. should i give up any hope of becoming friendly with this person again? seems like such a shame that the 6 nmonth intimate relationship completely ruined a frienship of 15 years. i have been banished from her life. i am afraid she will never see me again for who i really am. does she know in her heart that i am not evil? or does she really think i am a danger?

[tracer]

p.s. why on earth cant i get over this crazy woman?  good god i hate relationships!
please tell me there are other people on this forum who have this as bad as i do. it's really brutal!

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[JPH]

Will she ever speak to you again?  If you're lucky, no.  Do you honestly want to hear from her again?  Is that what you really want?  Are you really willing to lose yourself forever along with whatever happiness was intended for you in return for a proven source of misery?  Run like hell.  Move on with your life.  Close the book on this chapter of your life.  Turn the corner.  Rediscover yourself.  Heal.  Find true love.  By that time you won't want anything to do with her.  That's when she'll resurface.  By that time you'll wish you'd never heard from her again.  You may even have to resort to cops, attorneys, and judges to fend her off.  She's doing you a favor, friend.  Take advantage of this escape before she changes her mind.  Leave her alone, man.  I know it hurts.  You loved her.  She didn't love you.  She doesn't love herself.  She's broken.  She's predestined to fail in every relationship in which she finds herself.  It had nothing to do with you.  You're not a bad person.  If you have truly been "banished from her life," you will be among the minority here at BPDFamily.  She may not come back, but odds are she will.  You need to steel yourself for when that time comes.  Don't do this to yourself again, man.  Stop looking for her on the web.  Stop calling her.  Stop e-mailing her.  Drop her like a bad habit because that's what she is.  You've already begun to heal.  She has nothing to give you but misery and confusion.  If you don't believe me, re-read your posts.  You're an adult.  You have the capacity to make your own decisions, but you must also live with the consequences of those decisions.  I stood in your shoes five years ago.  I had the same guilt and confusion.  I wondered how someone who told me I was the greatest thing that had ever happened to her could so easily cut me out of her life and brand me as the spawn of Satan.  I wasted a lot of time and energy...time and energy I could've dedicated to family, friends, myself, hobbies, self-improvement, etc.  Focus on yourself for a change.  You can't change her condition.  You can't change her mindset.  You can't change her actions.  However, you can change your direction.  What caused you to become involved with someone like her?  Are you trying to be some kind of martyr?  Do you not believe you could do better?  Do you not believe you deserve better?  Every second you spend on her from this point on is a second you'll never have back.  Wouldn't you rather spend your life with and around people who make you feel good?  Empower yourself.  Let go.  You'll discover strength you never knew you had.  And you'll need it when she returns.  Self-preservation ain't a bad thing.  Take care of yourself.

[thomaso61]

Yes, it is quite brutal. They paint you black and then say things to instigate pain. It's obviously worked on you. You really need to go NC. You won't ever get the closure you desire...sorry to say.
I called mine one day quite a while ago only to get her boistrous loud facade. She made some off the cuff statements that totally pissed me off.
Who knows, if you go NC, she might call you back...You'll get the "re-engagement." It's your choice should you decide to pick it up and talk to her. Chnaces are she might even be nice to you when she does call you.
I'd stay NC though. It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do.
Stay strong bro!

Tom

[JoannaK]

tracer, you are indeed fortunate that she has painted you black.  She broke up with you months ago, for whatever reason, and she has no interest in getting back with you.. not as a friend, not as a lover. 

I'm sure you are upset that she has rejected you so totally, but you must find a way to move on.  If you've been working with a good therapist, then the only one who can change this situation is YOU.  She's out of your life.  Nothing you can do about it.