united for now
BOARD ADVISOR
 Offline
Gender: 
Posts: 11043
Talking about solutions create solutions
|
 |
« on: April 03, 2007, 10:07:16 PM » |
|
Here is a post I was refered to from a member in WelcomeToOz2, about warning signs that your dating a loser, who pretty much fits the profile of a person with BPD. some very scary stuff. Makes me want to run for the hills myself  www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/ |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Change your perceptions and you change your life. Nothing changes without changes
 |
|
|
TonyC
Distinguished Member
Offline
Gender: 
Posts: 11423
|
|
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2007, 10:42:39 AM » |
|
the warning your dating a loser post above
from united for now , i thought was awesome
tonyc
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Gudrun
|
|
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2007, 09:36:10 PM » |
|
Very good article, poor title selection imo. A better title: "Warning Signs That You're Dating Someone with a Personality Disorder"
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
JoannaK
|
|
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2007, 09:37:17 AM » |
|
This article has been around before, and it always receives raves. Actually I thought I saw it over at the FTF home page... let me look.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
MsHydesHubby
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 77
|
|
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2007, 10:02:40 AM » |
|
Very good article, poor title selection imo. A better title: "Warning Signs That You're Dating Someone with a Personality Disorder"
I agree. I think the label "loser" is a little harsh, IMHO. Brian |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
JoannaK
|
|
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2007, 11:37:14 AM » |
|
"Losers" is Dr. Carver's title... It wasn't made up here. I think Dr. Carver used the term "losers" because he doesn't want to restrict his comments to those who have or might have personality disorders. He thinks that people who fit his profile are "losers" in terms of relationships. It's the name of the article... it's what he named it.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Theireyeswerewatching
O boy my eyes can see
Offline
Posts: 329
|
|
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2007, 06:33:14 PM » |
|
Thank you for posting this: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/print.php?artID=157..."They Make You "Crazy" "The Loser" operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing "crazy" things in self-defense. If "The Loser" is scheduled to arrive at 8:00 pm - you call Time & Temperature to cover the redial, check your garbage for anything that might get you in trouble, and call your family and friends to tell them not to call you that night. You warn family/friends not to bring up certain topics, avoid locations in the community where you might see co-workers or friends, and not speak to others for fear of the 20 questions. You become paranoid as well - being careful what you wear and say. Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation. In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. While we think we are "going crazy" - it's important to remember that there is no such thing as "normal behavior" in a combat situation. Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach from "The Loser" before permanent psychological damage is done..."Best Wishes... |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
scooter964
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 40
|
|
« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2007, 07:41:27 PM » |
|
Wow, some of that was straight out of my life! Especially the examples about driving, and the part about blaming everyone else for everything.
Since I do plan to leave him, I found the tips on "pre-departure" to be extremely valuable. Thank you!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
not1iota
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 37
|
|
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2007, 08:36:40 PM » |
|
..."They Make You "Crazy" "The Loser" operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing "crazy" things in self-defense.
yup, there are days i think i'm becoming a borderline myself.  good article! |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Lost77
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 83
|
|
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2007, 09:03:47 PM » |
|
Wow, my whole life in an article. Love it! Thanks!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
michelle
|
|
« Reply #10 on: October 06, 2007, 02:49:41 PM » |
|
Oh Gawd! Not only was I married to one (worst 3 years of my life), but I was raised by one! This article fits them both to a T. Can you imagine how I felt when they both would gang up on me? Geez...it's a wonder I'm not more screwed up.
Luckily, my hubby of over 24 years is a teddy bear! I'm very fortunate that I found him when I did.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next.~Gilda Radner
|
|
|
|
eggshell
|
|
« Reply #11 on: January 03, 2008, 09:58:04 PM » |
|
Wow... the "they make you crazy" part was great.. so true... and actually kinda comforting...
But God.. it brings back some really bad memories that I'd love to erase FOREVER>..
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
RobertV
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 53
|
|
« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2008, 09:12:29 PM » |
|
Hey, do I win?
My uBD wife does 19 of the 20 bad things to me... we are still together, but I have 20years of crap to dig myself out of.
I didn't realise that my life was total crap until after my dBPdtr was diagnosed, and I started finding out about BP in general.
RobertV
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
jellybean75
|
|
« Reply #13 on: April 17, 2008, 08:04:10 PM » |
|
Thank you so much for posting this!
I'm not quite sure how to feel after reading this...it seems as if the whole article describes my ex-husband. He displayed every single characteristic listed! In a way it's like a validation to how I felt and what I went through. I never knew that there are people out there like him.
It's already been 3 years since I left him but I'm still recovering from the 11 years of constant verbal and emotional abuse. I hope that anyone out there that finds themselves in a similar situation may find the strength and wisdom to do what is best for them.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
dragonfly
|
|
« Reply #14 on: April 20, 2008, 03:29:27 PM » |
|
I thought this was a very good article, too bad I didn't see it BEFORE I married my husband. I have been living like this for 20 years and I am still with him, although my eyes are starting to open up now.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
ForeverDad
Distinguished Member
Emeritus
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 10184
You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...
|
|
« Reply #15 on: May 22, 2008, 12:08:18 PM » |
|
Dr. Carver has several handouts on his web site www.drjoecarver.com. Since these too are of interest to many of us, here are the ones currently featured on his Articles menu: - Personality Disorders: The Controllers, Abusers, Manipulators and Users in Relationships
- Identifying Losers, Controllers and Abusers in Relationships
- Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser
- Emotional Memory Management
- The Chemical Imbalance in Mental Health Problems
- Understanding Depression
- What Are "Bad Nerves"
- The Highway Patrol Approach to Parental Discipline
- ADHD: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment
 |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
izzo
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 203
|
|
« Reply #16 on: May 24, 2008, 02:09:56 PM » |
|
I wish I read that one ten years ago!great article.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
WorkingOnIt
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 35
|
|
« Reply #17 on: May 31, 2008, 11:30:15 PM » |
|
I first saw this article in a Mens Rights child custody message board and I found that I answered in agreement to 17 of the signs. This was my first indication (confirmation) that my relationship was probably with an abusive person. Unfortunatly since it did not refer to Personality Disorders I did not find out the disorder I was dealing with was BPD until 3 years later.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
speed of dark
Formerly "challenged"
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 111
|
|
« Reply #18 on: July 31, 2008, 06:53:52 AM » |
|
Great start to Dr Carver,s work. I will read all of his articles.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
ferocious
|
|
« Reply #19 on: August 08, 2008, 03:42:12 AM » |
|
great stuff! makes for a great exit strategy that feels just about right already when only reading through it. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Poll
