May 22, 2013, 10:27:17 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Today's Feature: VIDEO: NEA-BPD Family Connections  - Supporting a BPD Child  more info
Moderators: briefcase, Clearmind, GreenMango, lbjnltx, PDQuick, Want2Know   Software Coordinator: an0ught
Advisors: Blazing Star, DreamGirl, GeekyGirl, ScarletOlive, Surnia, Suzn, tuum est61, United for Now, Validation78, vivekananda, Waverider
Ambassadors: Being Mindful, Catnap, ennie, heartandwhole, just me., laelle, mamachelle, GreyKitty, sunrising, waddams
Guidelines: Terms of Service, Abbreviations
  Home Blog   Boards   Help Login Register  
What is this?
Think About It.... It is very important to talk to children about anger, about what they see in the world, and to evaluate the effects of the behavior they observe. Otherwise, their observations become the lesson itself.~ Jane Middelton-Moz, Ph.D., LCSW, Ultimate Guide to Transforming Anger
168
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Preliminary hearing with the NPD first husband was... not completely a bust  (Read 401 times)
Her Mama
formerly "Ks Step Mom"
Emeritus
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3137



« on: April 05, 2007, 11:58:14 PM »

I am merging my thread in Non-Sense here.  (Since that is what was going on in the days leading up to today.)  That link is: http://www.BPDfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56131.0

Well, to start, my Dad's appointment didn't last long enough so he ended up going to the hearing.  (ERGH)  My oldest daughter (nearly 21 and the one that my exH plans on calling as a witness later in the case) went with me to "babysit" her grandpa and to make sure if he got out of hand, someone would be there to guide him away.

My attorney, who is quite skilled in not revealing his hand, had us sit around the corner from where the waiting area for this particular courts litigants would normally sit.  Even though I retained him a couple of weeks ago, he never filed as my representation until 20 minutes before the hearing.  My ex and his attorney showed up five minutes prior to the hearing.   My attorney and his attorney chatted for a couple of minutes (I could see them in the hall mirror).  I then overheard him say that he had to go meet his client.  He then came around the corner and brought us around the corner to have us sit in plain view.  The look on the faces of my ex and his attorney was priceless.  I thought the ex would poodie himself when our daughter came around the corner.

In the few minutes before we went in, I watched my ex do a slow melt down (when you're with someone for 14 years, even if you have been apart as we have for 10 years, you know all the tell tale signs of that person about to lose his mind).  I thought I should have her (our daughter) go talk to him for a bit before he 1) rubbed all the hair off his head AND/OR 2) popped the vein that runs up his forehead AND/OR 3) his ears would finally explode (when he's really angry or drunk, his ears turn this bizarre shade of purple) AND/OR 4) the carpet would catch fire from his pacing.  She spoke with him for a couple of minutes before they called us in.

The appearance of an attorney with me completely blew their minds.  They were caught completely off-guard.  When we got in there, the first thing out of he and his attorney's mouths directed to the judge was to the effect of "we didn't know she had representation." (as his attorney started furiously shuffling her paperwork and slamming things into her brief case)  I just looked at them both and gave them my best "who's the btch" snarkiest smile I could come up with.  See, not only do I have "the" attorney, I have an attorney who serves as a visiting judge in my county.  His attorney now has to oppose someone who, in the normal course of business, she has to kiss booty to on the occasions when he hears her cases.   bweeeeewww hahahahahaha  :evil:  The judges response to the complaints about this "unexpected" surprise was, "Well, apparently she does now." as he glanced in my direction and smiled.  OOOh that felt good.  The judge had tried his best to help me at the last hearing without appearing to be helping me.  I think he was relieved to see I had someone to combat the things he knew they were doing and I don't think he liked how my ex and his attorney were treating me at that last hearing.

So the judge starts the hearing by "Were here today in the case of ... and to hear testimony in reference to Defendant's (exH's) motion to quash and Plaintiff's contempt motions relating to the Defendant and (his attorney) not complying with the rules of discovery."  His attorney pipes up and says, "You're honor, as I was not aware that the Plaintiff is now represented, I feel this hearing should be continued so that we can properly prepare our case."  to which the judge replied, "You should be prepared to present your defense of the contempt of discovery rules now, regardless of whether or not the Plaintiff has retained representation.  Motion denied"  to which she said "Your honor, I think these matters can be resolved between the Plaintiff's attorney and I, and I don't think this should be a problem now at all."  The judge said, "Then there shouldn't have been a problem when the Plaintiff was without representation.  Are you going to request to withdraw your motion to quash?"  She said "Yes your honor."  The judge then asked my attorney about the contempt motions and he said "At this point, if the Defendant's attorney agrees to no longer withhold discovery, we are willing to withdraw our contempt motions."  The ex's attorney looked like she was ready to eat her briefcase.  She said "I think that we can work together."  The judge then looked at his calendar and said, directly to the ex's attorney, "I expect you have all documents with you that have been subject to this proceeding and both of the Plaintiff's subpoena's?", to which she said "I do believe I have most of the information at my office".  I couldn't resist.  I said, "After the last hearing I went to pick up some documents and your office manager said you keep them in the case file."  I thought she was going to shoot laser beams out of her eyes as she opened her case file and tried to act all surprised to find them there.  I thought my attorney was about to start giggling but he managed to change it into an apologetic "throat clearing".  The judge then told her that he expected that my attorney "will have copies of all requested documents by the end of court today" and that all discovery would be concluded by May 7th.  (This is because even though they can give us his information, and they already have all of mine, we wouldn't have had time to subpoena his employers records, something they've already done with my employer.)

So, the next scheduled event is a "settlement conference" when both attorneys, the ex, and I meet to discuss if we can resolve the support and contempt issues without having another hearing.  I've already told my attorney that anything less than the ordered child support amount plus reimbursement for all the money I've paid to insure the kids all these years (something for which I've found precedent case law (from last fall) in our county court of appeals records for a nearly identical case) would not be acceptable to me.  He said he wouldn't let me settle for less than that plus attorneys fees.  That conference isn't scheduled until May 11th.  If we can't resolve things at the conference, the final hearing is scheduled for June 14th.  They are already screwed because the judge knows they've been playing games.  I hope his attorney is smart enough to know that she lost major ethical points today.

On the way home, my daughter started telling me what her Dad was saying.  He's trying to claim that "You're mom is making this more difficult than it has to be.  Now she's gone and got an attorney just to make things worse."  and "I can't afford for this case to keep dragging on."  She told me she can't believe that he thinks she's that stupid.  Apparently he's been bragging about how he and his attorney were going to bury me in court.  That I was too stupid to know when I was in over my head.  Really? 

Hummm, when the judge asked my attorney if he needed to amend or withdraw any of my motions, my attorney said "No.  My client has prepared a very sound case and I am quite prepared to follow her course.  The only thing she needed me for was to make sure her discovery was allowed to proceed (as he looked over at the ex's attorney).  and "She knows the law.  I couldn't have a better client in a complex case."  BAM!  Look who's looking stupid now.  (He has ALWAYS tried to make me feel inferior and insecure.  It's how he controlled me for so long.)

So, really, nothing got done today except that I got to see him and his attorney squirm and try to worm their way out of the mess they have made for themselves.  It wasn't a total loss. grin 

I have to admit though, I did have an inappropriate moment of childishness.  I made a reference to his attorney during a post hearing conversation with my Dad out in the hallway.  She was around the corner eavesdropping on our conversation and I caught a glimpse of her in the security mirror.  I couldn't resist addressing her rudeness and said "I guess the butt thought I was stupid."  I then leaned around the corner and asked if she enjoyed listening to other people's conversations.  bad me.  bad me. :smiley
Logged

Learn from your experiences in the past but do not live there.  To do that steals from today. 
Live in the present with an eye to the future and leave the past where it belongs.
Oy-vey!
*********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2216


WWW
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2007, 12:19:30 AM »

OMG KSM.  You have a great mind, a great attorney, and a great talent at telling your story (not to mention a great way of putting people in their place grin).

CONGRATULATIONS!
Logged
csandra
*********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2380


« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2007, 12:20:10 AM »

Only in my dreams.  Would you mind being my temporary hero ?

 I would give anything to see my uNPDstbxh exposed.  His attorney has GOT to be on to him by now.  I am sure that she will be SO glad when this is over.  The interesting thing is that he always thought it would help his case by hiring a female attorney.  Who knows, maybe he really IS getting away with all this BS .
Logged

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?

The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way.

If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

djbett
*********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3164

Believe...


« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2007, 12:46:31 AM »

I would have loved to be there... it would have been fun to watch!  :evil:
Logged

Her Mama
formerly "Ks Step Mom"
Emeritus
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3137



« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2007, 12:50:42 AM »

I have to admit, there were several times I thought I might have busted out with a giggle of my own, but I made it through and only did it out in the hall. lol :evil: grin
Logged

Learn from your experiences in the past but do not live there.  To do that steals from today. 
Live in the present with an eye to the future and leave the past where it belongs.
happygirl
*********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2414


« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2007, 01:04:36 AM »

You can be my hero any day (along with Oy).

HG
Logged
Rose
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1063


« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2007, 07:53:06 AM »

You brought a smile to my face -- the audacity of your ex's attorney to prepare for a case differently, depending on whether you were self-represented or not, speaks volumes about their case.  Kudos to you.
Logged
eastmeetswest
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 504


« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2007, 08:34:11 AM »

Seems to me like lot's got done.  Excellent job!  Well done!
Logged
aames
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1643


« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2007, 09:18:10 AM »

Holy Cats!

and good on ya, KS...for getting one (or ten) in on the turd and his ethically questionable representation.  :-*

I concur with Oy : Great mind, and great narrative style.  I was actually riveted when reading your accout.    wink
Logged
Mr. M
*********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 4296


« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2007, 09:57:01 AM »

At the risk of diminishing your excitement in some capacity... if I was your attorney, I would have sternly admonished you for opening your mouth in court without my asking you to.

I would suggest that when you're in court, you don't speak unless you're ordered to do so, don't smile, don't shoot laser-beam glances... as much as you would like to (I've been there many times) - you do risk alienating the judge.

I know that my judge is wise to my ex's antics and finds me very credible and real.  I still don't get smug, don't get | please read |y, etc... and I suggest that despite all you've been through... you do the same.

Congrats.
Logged
Peace4us
Emeritus
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3734


« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2007, 10:01:18 AM »

K's    :-*

I personally would have let him rub the hair off his head smiley  The better for the judge to clearly see the little horns that exist there.

You rock lady. I love this story, you think very little got accomplished, I beg to differ.  They got a glimpse of the "caliones" you have (giggle). You got a feeling of the context that this judge is going to hold everyone accountable.  You got to give that little tramp of a bad lawyer a dig (waahhhooooo) and you had a chance to show the idiot that you can't b e manipulated and that daughter is not a pawn of his to use.

I personally think lots got accomplished this day.

Love it, just love it.

((K's step mom))


Peace4us
Logged

There are two ways of spreading light, be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. E. Warton
Her Mama
formerly "Ks Step Mom"
Emeritus
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3137



« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2007, 01:40:19 PM »

Thank's guys.  It's so good to be able to post something positive.  It's been quite a while since I've been able to do so.

Mr. M, always the voice of reason, I do understand what you are saying.  I did raise my hand (kind of in a grade school kind of way) and the judge nodded at me before I spoke.  I just couldn't let her get away with that same "I don't have / don't know what they are talking about", game again.  She had done that very thing to me at the last hearing.  I needed to make sure the judge was made aware of the deceptive ways they were attempting to play with discovery.  My attorney did whisper that I needed to run things by him first but that what I had said needed to come out.  Since this was supposed to be his "first" encounter with our case, he couldn't show he was aware of the "game".

I was on the receiving end of the laser beams because I stopped her from playing stupid again.  I will try to refrain from the smiling thing in the future.  However as brief as the smiling lasted (only during their slightly frantic effort to get a continuance), it did cross my mind that I needed to be professional and I did regain my composure once the judge showed he was intent on disposing of the business of the day.


Peace, on the way home that very sentiment of not being a "pawn" was relayed to me by my daughter.  She said "Well at least Dad knows that he can't push me around and that I'm not going to be on any one person's side." and "He must really think I'm stupid if he thinks he can blame all this on you and I would believe it."  She went on and on but generally the sentiment was that he was the one making things difficult by trying to screw me over and now he's just mad that things won't work the way he thought they would.  She's been ticked off with him about this case from the start when she found out after the first hearing (the one that got cancelled without me being notified) that he and his attorney were pretending that they did not know my phone number on their first motions for change of venue.  She said sure she can testify that she lived with her dad for the last 9 months but still, even though she didn't live with me I still paid all her expenses for school and activities (sports camps, private tutor, book and school fees, etc...) and he never gave a dime towards that stuff.  (I have cancelled checks that show many times during that year, the amounts I paid for these things were much more than I got from him in child support.)


Anyway, thank you guys for being here through thick and thin.  I wish I could hug all of you for your friendship and support!
Logged

Learn from your experiences in the past but do not live there.  To do that steals from today. 
Live in the present with an eye to the future and leave the past where it belongs.
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.10 | SMF © 2006-2010, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!