BPD BEHAVIORS: Emotional Immaturity

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Here are some characteristics of emotional immaturity from When the man in your life can't commit by David Hawkins:

1. Volatile Emotions Emotional volatility is indicated by such things as explosive behavior, temper tantrums, low frustration tolerance, responses out of proportion to cause, oversensitivity, inability to take criticism, unreasonable jealousy, unwillingness to forgive, and a capricious fluctuation of moods.

2. Over-Dependence Healthy human development proceeds from dependence (I need you), to independence (I don’t need anyone), to interdependence (we need each other — see also the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey).
Over-dependence is indicated by: a) inappropriate dependence, e.g. relying on someone when it is preferable to be self-reliant, and b) too great a degree of dependence for too long. This includes being too easily influenced, indecisive, and prone to snap judgments. Overly-dependent people fear change preferring accustomed situations and behavior to the uncertainty of change and the challenge of adjustment. Extreme conservatism may even be a symptom.

3. Stimulation Hunger This includes demanding immediate attention or gratification and being unable to wait for anything. Stimulation hungry people are incapable of deferred gratification, which means to put off present desires in order to gain a future reward. Stimulation hungry people are superficial and live thoughtlessly and impulsively. Their personal loyalty lasts only as long as the usefulness of the relationship. They have superficial values and are too concerned with trivia (their appearance, etc.). Their social and financial lives are chaotic.

4. Egocentricity Egocentricity is self-centeredness. It’s major manifestation is selfishness. It is associated with low self-esteem. Self-centered people have no regard for others, but they also have only slight regard for themselves. An egocentric person is preoccupied with his own feelings and symptoms. He demands constant attention and insists on self-gratifying sympathy, fishes for compliments, and makes unreasonable demands. He is typically overly-competitive, a poor loser, perfectionistic, and refuses to play or work if he can’t have his own way.

A self-centered person does not see himself realistically, does not take responsibility for his own mistakes or deficiencies, is unable to constructively criticize himself, and is insensitive to the feelings of others. Only emotionally mature people can experience true empathy, and empathy is a prime requirement for successful relationships.

Hello, That post was quite interesting I thought. Most of the emotions on there describe how my emotions work ( I have BPD). One thing that was said in there though about being insensitive to others feelings is not correct about me. I often care too much about others or love them very deeply. I am also not selfish, I try to do as much as I can for others and focus on them rather than myself. I do have a big anger problem though and my anger seems to come often and sometimes for no reason at all or it's something I shouldn't be angry about. I'm not sure why it happens but I would like it to stop. I hate having a bad temper. Does anyone else here have an anger problem?

Quote from: elphaba on August 03, 2007, 11:19:59 AM

BPD's and emotional immaturity...found this info online that seemed to fit.

Immature people may demand immediate gratification. They cannot wait. They may seem thoughtless and impulsive. They may be loyal only while you are useful. They have chaotic social and financial lives.

Emotional Immaturity

LOVE -Love is NEED.  Demands affection and love but avoids any sign of “weakness” and has difficulty showing and accepting love

EMOTIONS-Cannot handle frustration or criticism; jealous, unwilling to forgive, fluctuating moods, temper tantrums, fears change

REALITY-Avoids and denies bills and relationship problems which demand integrity, seeks people to blame

FEEDBACK-Does not learn from experience, good or bad experiences are casued by fate, little or no personal responsibility

STRESS-Avoids reality, pessimistic, angry, attacks people when frustrated, often anxious

RELATING-Dependent, easily influenced, indecisive or snap judgements.  Is not responsible for own actions or deficiencies.  Hyper sensitive to criticism but insensitive to others feelings
Immature adults are not children not teenagers. They are often self-centered and selfish adults. They may have little regard for others. They may be preoccupied with their own feelings and symptoms. They may demand your constant attention, sympathy and compliments. They may avoid participation if they can't have their own way or be the best. They may be obsessed with impressing people.

This is exactly why I see myself as some type of monster, and get suicidal because it makes me hate myself for what I put others through.

My ex uBPDgf was pretty much incapable of emotional maturity. She was very childlike in the way she responded to other people's problems, often saying she couldn't deal with it because she was stressed or tired. She accepted very little responsibility for her own actions and the pain they caused others. This included blaming her infidelity on me not being there enough, or even blaming work colleagues for her own inadequacies.

If she was given any criticism she took it to heart and would get very emotional. This included in a work environment (she is a writer so comments from editors did not go down well!) or even basic domestic things such as doing the cooking, washing up or cleaning (she never did any of these and if I tried to discuss them with her I faced a verbal onslaught). Every time we discussed bills she got upset and actually started blaming me for how high they were saying "you are going to have to change the way you live in this flat."

She was constantly anxious about social interaction, saying people found her boring and as soon as they got to know her they would lose interest. She said she only felt relaxed when drinking.

She was very demanding of affection but would be picky about what she wanted. She would constantly say "can I have a hug" or "please kiss me" but then snap if I did something else, for instance stroking her hair, she would tell me off. If I was late home from work she would get really upset and say she had been lonely. If I got home too early she criticised me for not warning her.

Interestingly she would often talk in a childish, baby voice, usually when she wanted something. She would say things like "chocolate" or "beer" and expect me to then go out and buy her these things. 8:-)

Whoa this thread is a lot to take in but its very validating to what I have experienced with my uBPD husband.  Making a mental to note to come back and finish reading, I had to stop myself at the second page  :p


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