Just thought I'd add to the thread...HELP YOURSELF STAY SAFEIF YOU STAY
If you are living in an abusive relationship and are not ready to leave, you must keep yourself and your children safe. Whatever your reasons for staying, you do not deserve to be abused. If you decide to stay with your partner and work things out, seek outside help. See a counsellor who does not blame you for the abuse, and who puts yur safety first.
Contact a women's shelter, public health nurse, nursing station or hospital to get recommendations for counselling. Prepare a Safety Plan
- Be aware of any weapons in the house
- Make a plan about what to do and where to go if you are in danger. Tell your children of your plan if they are old enough to understand how to follow directions.
- If you have a car, truck, skidoo, or motorboat, make sure it has gas.
- Try to keep your transportation in good repair so it won't fail you.
- Keep an extra set of keys in a secret hiding place.
- Always keep some money hidden to help you get away.
- Keep a list of important phone numbers in the hiding place with your money.
- Work out a code word that can be used on the phone with someone you trust if you are in danger.
- Have a signal - some women hang something out of a window that can be seen by a passerby who can check on you.
- Have a place of hiding to go to.
- Call people in advance to tell them you are coming over, so they can watch for you.
Save whatever money you can in a bank account which is in your name only. Kep the bank book in a place where your partner won't find it. Many people are surprised at how quickly and suddenly they may be in an emergency situation. Save from the grocery money or however you can if you don't have any other sources of income. Knowing that you have an demergency fund will help reduce your anxiety. Pregnancy
Do not get pregnant if you think that your relationship is not good and may become more abusive. Make sure you control your birth control method and that your birth control method works. Your parner may abuse you even more while you are pregnant - and after you give birth. Pregnancy could also make it harder for you to leave. IF you become pregnant and don't want to be, get counselling to discuss your options. If you are already pregnant, you can still follow these other survival measures. If you are a man take charge of birth control. No glove no love.Secrets are Harmful
Don't be ashamed to discuss your problems with others who believe abuse is wrong. You need support. There are still many people who believe, wrongly, that it's okay for a man to abuse his partner and that it is her fault if he does. Choose the people you talk with carefully. Many people do not understand the seriousness of abuse of men by women. The abuser is Responsible for their Behaviour
Remember, his/her behaviour is not your responsbility. Do not be ashamed to tell someone if he/her is abusing you. It is not your fault. if he/her abuses you they have a problem. Encourage them to get help.
If you feel something is wrong, it is smart to ask for help. It does not mean you are weak, sick or stupid if you askd for help. You are doing something positive for yourself. Stand up for Yourself...
IF the abuse is just starting, tell your parner you will stand up for yourself and your rights and that you will not them abuse you. If possible, ask his/her family, as well as your own, to tell them this behaviour is not okay. ...But Be Careful
If he/her is used to getting their own way and you giving in, they may abuse you even more if you try to stand up for yourself. If you are afraid this may happen, try to get support from family or counsellors before you make a stand. Do not try it when you are alone with them and make sure you have a safe place to go if you need it. Be prepared to take the step of leaving your partner in order to be free from abuse. Suicide is Not the Answer
It is normal to feel depressed at this time of your life. Many people have the feeling that suicide is the only real option. Killing yourself may seem like the best escape. It is not.
If you feel suicidal it's often the result of believeing your partners's put downs, denying your anger twoard them and turning it on yourself.
There are other options. There are shelters. There are crisis lines. There are people who will help you if you reach out. IF you do not find help at first, keep on looking and asking for help. You have the right to be angry at your situation. Use your anger to begin to take care of yourself.
Faith and trust in yourself are important to feeling good about yourself. Face your feelings and fears. Praise yourself for what you do well. Have faith in your future. You can learn from your experiences. You can change your life. Relax and Play
Find something you like to do for yourself. You deserve to have some happiness and fun in your life. YOU ARE STRONG
You need to remind yourself that you are strong. No one has the right to abuse you. Violence is not a private family affair. There's no excuse for abuse.