I've been off all summer (a perk of being in education), and busy with my uBPbf, so haven't had much opportunity/time to be on here. Update... I started to implement many of the things i've read to make myself stronger, and while I can't say the summer has been pefect, there has been some improvement on his part, and MAJOR improvements on mine. My boundaries are getting stronger, with me becoming more vocal on how and when he violates them, and also in following through on consequences.
I did want to relate a story, to see if anyone else has had similar experiences though.
My uBPbf suggests we both learn to play an action game, one of those war/soldier blow everything up kind of games. I had never previously played them, but I'm willing to try, so he spends one day learning, while I putz around the house doing other things. Then, he goes off to work and I try my hand at it. Of course my boys, 9 and 13, find this mildly amusing, and offer their own unique imput into helping me. I end up playing some single player by myself, and a few games as multi-player, with them helping me.
When bf finds out boys helped me, he is furious, saying that if they play, I don't learn enough on my own. Now, I finished 3 levels by myself, before I switched to multi-player, but that obviously wasn't enough in him mind. Wow, major blow up over how to play a game... I see is as a control issue on his part. I hurt no one by playing with my boys, and it is a personal preference if someone prefers to play by themself or with others... :P
I held my ground, while also trying to let him know it wasn't about me not listening to him. While it is only a game, it was also a power struggle, and one that I wasn't going to give ground on. Weird, how they can get so focused on something, and not let it go.
Anyway. I am still here. Reading and learning. You will hear more from me now that school is about to start again. I hope you have had an enjoyable summer 8)