July 24, 2014, 04:39:50 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Moderators: DreamGirl, LettingGo14, P.F.Change, Rapt Reader
Advisors: an0ught, livednlearned, Mutt, pessim-optimist, Turkish, Waverider
Ambassadors: BacknthSaddle, corraline, cosmonaut, DreamFlyer99, formflier, free'n'clear, HealingSpirit, Kwamina, lever, Love is Not Enough, maxen, maxsterling, NorthernGirl, OutofEgypt, woodsposse, ziggiddy
  Directory Guidelines Glossary   Boards   Help Login Register  
bing
Think About It... Acceptance doesn't mean you approve; it doesn't mean you're happy about something; it doesn't mean you won't work to change the situation or your response to it, but it does mean that you acknowledge reality as it is--with all its sadness, humor, irony, and gifts--at a particular point in time...~ Freda B. Friedman, Ph.D., LCSW, Surviving a Borderline Parent
153
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: single player, or multi-player  (Read 414 times)
united for now
Emeritus
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 11111


Talking about solutions create solutions


WWW
« on: August 24, 2007, 12:47:30 PM »

I've been off all summer (a perk of being in education), and busy with my uBPbf, so haven't had much opportunity/time to be on here. Update... I  started to implement many of the things i've read to make myself stronger, and while I can't say the summer has been pefect, there has been some improvement on his part, and MAJOR improvements on mine. My boundaries are getting stronger, with me becoming more vocal on how and when he violates them, and also in following through on consequences.

I did want to relate a story, to see if anyone else has had similar experiences though.
My uBPbf suggests we both learn to play an action game, one of those war/soldier blow everything up kind of games. I had never previously played them, but I'm willing to try, so he spends one day learning, while I putz around the house doing other things. Then, he goes off to work and I try my hand at it. Of course my boys, 9 and 13, find this mildly amusing, and offer their own unique imput into helping me. I end up playing some single player by myself, and a few games as multi-player, with them helping me.

When bf finds out boys helped me, he is furious, saying that if they play, I don't learn enough on my own. Now, I finished 3 levels by myself, before I switched to multi-player, but that obviously wasn't enough in him mind. Wow, major blow up over how to play a game... I see is as a control issue on his part. I hurt no one by playing with my boys, and it is a personal preference if someone prefers to play by themself or with others...  :P

I held my ground, while also trying to let him know it wasn't about me not listening to him. While it is only a game, it was also a power struggle, and one that I wasn't going to give ground on.  Weird, how they can get so focused on something, and not let it go.

Anyway. I am still here. Reading and learning. You will hear more from me now that school is about to start again. I hope you have had an enjoyable summer 8)


Logged

Change your perceptions and you change your life.  Nothing changes without changes


Links and Information
Tools
Validation
Ending Cycle of Conflict
Triggering and Wisemind
Values and Boundaries
Becoming more empathetic?
On-Line CBT Program
>> More Tools

Video
What is BPD - Family
What is BPD - Romantic
What is BPD - Child
End the Cycle of Conflict
Validation Skills
Empathy Skills
Parental Alienation
Dialectal Dilemma (audio)


Book Reviews
Endorsed Books
Other Staff Reviews
Member Reviews
Articles - New
Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde
Diagnosis of BPD
Treatment of BPD
Series: My Child
Series: My Significant Other
Series: My Parent/Sibling
Series: My Failing Romance

Articles - Archive
Symptoms of BPD
A Clinical Perspective
Supporting a Loved One
Helping Him/Her Seek Treatment
Treatment of BPD
Leaving a Partner
Depression
Codependency
Sexual Addiction
Healthy Relationships

Content - Messageboard
Top 50 Questions
Top Workshops
About Us
The Mission
Professional Endorsements
2,000 Member Testimonials
Policy and Disclaimers
Blog


Messageboard
Directory
Guidelines
Appeal Moderation
Help-Technical
Manual

Donations
Become a Sponsor
Your Account

Other
Domestic Violence Crisis
Suicidal Ideation

EMERGENCY
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

index.php?topic=56206.msg913187#msg913187
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.10 | SMF © 2006-2010, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!