From Mr. Anderson
I think this nails it. Her behavior changes for a bit then reverts.
In my experience, there wasn't any magic pill. Finding closure, or meeting of the minds in real time, oftyen just couldn't be reached. Things could only be left in some state of chaos... edgey.
The therapists feel this way as well . Just when they think they got the sucker nailed down some other facet of the disorder shows up thats part of the fractured self.
I think a DO for someone in a committed relationship is to be as educated as one can be about the borderline personality disorder from the clinical end . That takes lots of work and study on the Nons part . Its more important for the the person who has it to do the reading but its difficut to be reading something that already feels chaotic to be made into yet something more complex.
For those who are out of their BPD relationship more accurate knowledge can bring more understanding to what really happened in your relationship.
I found a book by John d. Preston that makes understanding BPD from the theraputic side understandable for the lay person as well. In other words its simplified a bit.http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-reviews/1572244461/ref=cm_rev_sort/104-5810199-3467948?customer-reviews.sort_by=-SubmissionDate&s=books&x=9&y=6
This book may have already been up for reveiw here and I missed it so this may be old news for some.
I have read some of it and actually found myself bursting out laughing , The man has a sense of humor .
To get to why I choose Mr. Andersons quote and Skips . I was reading about what John calls loss of temporal perspective on page 54 of his book.
He explains what most people are able to do when they are chewed out for doing something, they can call on past situations where they were working at top steam doing a great job so they can counter any reprimand.
Someone with BPD get caught up in the moment of feeling the shame that goes with being reprimanded or when they make a mistake and they can't recall the times they were okay. I believe theres an inner critic who deletes any attempt when they do try to recall the times they were just fine because they are not fine really everyone says so or maybe a caregiver gave thse messages over and over.
I think this plays a part in why they revert back to old behavior.
If someones in this place they need a touchstone of sorts to help them remember they are not all bad till they can learn to do it for themselves more often.They need someone to help them see the invalidity of thier claim .
If your a NON who thinks they are all bad your not gonna make a good touchstone. This is hard to do in the face of being tested or accused raged at . Another name for touchstone would be alter ego where another individual stands in for the good part of them selves they can't find , This is aslo why someone with BPD has so much fear of beng abandoned when in this process of becoming their own stone they can touch.
Some of you are thinking you've got a patient and a project not a partner.
I look at it as someone who has suffered abuse.
Its all in the wording and wording reflects ones feelings and thoughts about people.
I don't think its productive to keep thinking in terms that your partner is just a patient and a project.
This puts them in a "less than" pitying type of framework
encourage them to just not always focus on problems,
To encourage them to participate in life.
To encorage them to get back up after they stumble
Its okay, they deserve to be here even if others told them they didn't once upon a time.
And with every negative you hand them back a positive again and again.