Did you feel different to your friends as a result of your BP parent?

[Think About It...]

I would be interested to hear from those of you with BP parents.  When you were growing up, did you feel "different" to your friends?  Were you ashamed of how your family behaved?  Were you too embarrassed to invite friends over?

I certainly felt different and very ashamed. My family were from another planet.  I hated inviting friends to my house (boyfriends included).  Actually, I felt very "different" until I found out about BPD and joined this board!

Patty 

[Patty]

I would be interested to hear from those of you with BP parents.  When you were growing up, did you feel "different" to your friends?  Were you ashamed of how your family behaved?  Were you too embarrassed to invite friends over?

I certainly felt different and very ashamed. My family were from another planet.  I hated inviting friends to my house (boyfriends included).  Actually, I felt very "different" until I found out about BPD and joined this board!

Patty 

[scaredy-cat]

I was never really allowed to have friends.  When I was in elementary through grade school if I did have friends they weren't allowed to come over more than once or twice and I was never really allowed or encouraged to visit them.  Basically the only people I was "allowed" to see where the neighborhood kids, and even then I was not encouraged to visit or see them.  Course, then again, I'd needed glasses at the time and I couldn't recognize who they were half of the time until I was next to them...

By the time I hit high school I did have a couple of friends.  Depending on who they were (ie: the one who didn't drive would need to be dropped off at my house, the one who drove usually picked me up) would depend on who's house we went to.  I wasn't...uhm...encouraged to get my license until my senior year.

Honestly, at that point I was in such denial that any of this stuff was happening and repressing it as hard as I could I don't really know how much of an impact it had.  Apparently though I told my friends in high school a bit more than I thought because one of my friends was with me when my mother had a freak out and then  my mom blamed it on me & my friend later told me "I'll never disbelieve the stories you tell me again."  Basically that was the first time that someone EVER supported the idea that maybe there was something wrong with my mother...

As for feeling different, I always considered myself one of the 'crazy' ones growing up.  The ones that aren't quite all there; one of the 'outcasts' in the school who feels that they just don't fit in.  Yeah, I guess I felt that I didn't belong anywhere.  Except when I was at the karate studio.  That was probably the single best thing that ever happened to me.  Oddly enough that's the only place I got to be rebellious, and probably the only place that they cared enough to help me regardless.  (My mother had had me in ballet classes.  I hated it.  One day I planted my feet in the parking lot going to another class I didn't want to go to.  I opened my mouth and out came "I WANNA GO TO KARATE!"  oops  : )

SC

[michelle]

Yes!  I felt like I was on the outside, looking in.  That kind of feeling.

I had friends, but didn't feel worthy at times because of the treatment of my uBPDmom.  I would see their families going on vacations and doing fun things and would wonder what was wrong with my family.  At the time, I didn't know just how disfuntional my family was.  I wasn't really exposed to anything beyond my house.  I didn't know how to act in certain situations and felt uncomfortable and out of place.  We NEVER went out to dinner, to the movies or anything.  Most vacations were at the ocean and even those were cut short because Mom would become "sick". 

My friends would come over and my mom would be okay.  She really wasn't the raging type.  Sometimes she would say something so ridiculous that I was embarrassed by her.  She's always done that.  And she would talk in a babyish voice at times.  I hated that!

[thenextstep]

Friends?  What friends?

Most of my friends were my mother's friends.  I really didn't have friends my age, at least not for very long.  I think my mother may have been on her way to training me to become a good little BPD myself, because looking back I see how selfish and "showy" I was.  When I did have a truly good friend, I usually started to resent and/or hate that person after a time, and dissolved the relationship without a reason.  I remember one friend who went with me, at my invitation, to my grandparents house.  We had even at one point planned for me to run away and live in her club house in her back yard (some rebellion - I still planned to go to school every day).  Shortly after the trip to GP house, I decided she was obnoxious and not worth my time.  Now, looking back, I can recognize the hurt and confusion in her eyes.  I'm sure there were others also, but that one stands out.  She was truly a decent and innocent person, and a good friend.

I've always had, for the most part, friends who were either considerably older than me or considerably younger.  Older because I never thought people my age were up to my level of maturity, younger I think because I'm an only child and it gave me someone to take care of and look after.

[Puttingittogether]

Yes, but I always thought it was me.  I really believed that people could take one look at me and know I was deficient, pathetic, dirty and something to be pitied.  It had to be me because my parents were smartly coifed, intelligent and charismatic.  I remember this one time that dad got mad at me and came tearing through the house shouting how "I'm gonna get that little butt."  They were fighting and he had said something to me about her.  I knew not to tell her what he had said but they always used us a wedges.  She berated and tricked me into telling her with promises not to tell and then she told.  I was maybe eleven or twelve and terrified.  I'd seen dad in action.  It was about that same time that I came home from school to find him choking her on the floor saying "Die you devil, die.  I want you to die."  Anyway, when he came gunning for me, I climbed out my bedroom window and ran with my heart in my mouth around the corner and through the pines to Robin's house.  I think I was going to tell.  I really do but when she opened the door I could see that they were all sitting down to dinner and they looked so surprised at how I must have looked, I changed my mind.  My mom thought the whole thing was "sort of cute and thank goodness I didn't say anything to anyone, afterall, they wouldn't understand."  I honestly believe that had I said something she would have come unglued and called me stupid and selfish.  I didn't say anything.  I kept our awful secrets.  I knew even then that her satisifed smile also had a lot to do with "turning one more of the kids against dad."  It was truly a mission in her life to turn the kids against him.  He was certainly a monster but she was the biggest one.     

I never really learned to play with kids.  I think they can smell inferiority and I was exuding it.

She tought me to never invite friends to the house.  I was maybe nine years old and so lonely.  It was summer and the kids in the neighborhood were getting together and doing little sleep overs.  I didn't have anyone and there was this one other little girl named Nicky that didn't have anyone either.  I asked her to sleep over.  My mother got in my face and told me how selfish I was and how I was ruining her life all because I was nine and had the nerve to ask a little friend over to spend the night with me.  She wouldn't let me get away from her either.  She got right down in my face and hissed her evilness at me. 

I grew up in Florida but we would have some cold snaps unlike anything I have out here in Colorado.  It would be twenty degrees with a wet gulf wind from the ocean blowing at forty.  The neighborhood moms would take turns piling a bunch of us kids in one or two of the cars to stay warm while we waited for the bus to come.  My mom never participated and after a while the parents stopped asking me to get in their cars.  I loved getting in their cars.  The moms seemed so happy and I swear I could still smell the fried eggs that they had fixed their kids for breakfast.  So when they stopped asking me to get in and just let me stand their on the sidewalk with a few other misfits it changed me even more and not for the good.

Funny thing is, that as soon as I left home at twenty, things changed a lot.  I'm not the slightest big shy.  People say I have a good sense of humor and I am fun to be around.  I don't know where that could have come from given my childhood but there it is and I am plenty grateful.

[loki8447]

I was very reluctant to have friends in my house, growing up.  I knew that my household was messed up.  I think that a part of me thought many people's households were crazy--but they hid it better.  I knew that uBPDm didn't hide it so well, so I didn't like having too many people exposed to it.  The ones that I did have there usually came from households that were obviously a bit screwy.  I knew that it wouldn't faze them too much.

As far as boyfriends, uBPDm always has hit on all of our boyfriends/husbands (my sisters and I).  It's creeped quite a few of them out but we all seemed to be oblivious to it since it wasn't amongst her most extreme behavior.

There is always a part of me that will feel "different" because my life was so, ummm, well, unusual.  Not only did I live with a crazy person, I was abused, went back and forth from poverty to parental spending sprees, stayed with different relatives and went to 11, or so, different schools.  I've become very alright with this.  I find that many of the things that make me feel "different" also make me a great observer.  They also help me work with students who come from unusual backgrounds.  I often "get" their attitudes or perspectives.  I also like the perspective that I gained from all of this.  Since I've gotten rid of much of the fear, guilt and paranoia that comes from this background, I've come to see the world as a very interesting and diverse place.  Living with a crazy and moving a lot helped create this perspective.

These boards are great, aren't they?

[Patty]

Some painful memories on here from all of you.   

I find that many of the things that make me feel "different" also make me a great observer.  They also help me work with students who come from unusual backgrounds.  I often "get" their attitudes or perspectives.  I also like the perspective that I gained from all of this.  Since I've gotten rid of much of the fear, guilt and paranoia that comes from this background, I've come to see the world as a very interesting and diverse place.  Living with a crazy and moving a lot helped create this perspective. 

Loki, you are right, these boards are great!  I feel very similar to you.  I enjoy people (not BPs though) and feel I can relate to lots of people on different levels.  A friend of mine once said to me that trauma has a flip side.  I would agree with her although I wouldn't put anyone through it!  I enjoy life and want to make the most of it.

Sad to hear that your mother hit on your boyfriends.  How twisted it that   ! 

Funny thing is, that as soon as I left home at twenty, things changed a lot.  I'm not the slightest big shy.  People say I have a good sense of humor and I am fun to be around.  I don't know where that could have come from given my childhood but there it is and I am plenty grateful.

PIT, sorry to hear you were so lonely.  I too felt the same.  Like you now, I am not shy either and love having fun.  Maybe having BP parents made us all want to go out and experience/enjoy life (must do a thread on this).

Friends?  What friends?

Most of my friends were my mother's friends.  I really didn't have friends my age, at least not for very long.  I think my mother may have been on her way to training me to become a good little BPD myself, because looking back I see how selfish and "showy" I was.  When I did have a truly good friend, I usually started to resent and/or hate that person after a time, and dissolved the relationship without a reason. 

Wait&see, it must have been very difficult for you being an only child in the midst of all this.  Our parents were supposed to be our role models (what a joke!).  Hope you have managed to find good friends who support and understand you.

Yes!  I felt like I was on the outside, looking in.  That kind of feeling.

I had friends, but didn't feel worthy at times because of the treatment of my uBPDmom.  I would see their families going on vacations and doing fun things and would wonder what was wrong with my family.  At the time, I didn't know just how disfuntional my family was.  I wasn't really exposed to anything beyond my house.  I didn't know how to act in certain situations and felt uncomfortable and out of place. 

Michelle, I remember the awkwardness too and feeling out of place.  I overcame it as I grew older but I hated feeling like that at the time.

Except when I was at the karate studio.  That was probably the single best thing that ever happened to me.  Oddly enough that's the only place I got to be rebellious, and probably the only place that they cared enough to help me regardless. 

Good for you SC! Hope you are still doing karate!  I am glad you found a niche to vent some frustration!

Thanks again to all of you

Patty

[LavaMeetsSea]

Yes, I felt different, but I was also told I was different, and being the only kid in kindergarten with a therapist is a bit of a mind-mess.

Still, my BPD mother was also very neglectful in other ways, so I was on my own a LOT, and broke many, many rules, like coming straight home (hah!) and never inviting anyone over (right!).  K through 3rd was miserable.  I had no friends, and had maybe five outfits, most of which were stained second-hand and forget about having any candy or friendship anythings to share at school.  I blame my parents, but I also blame the teachers and administration of that school, because the only thing that changed in fourth grade was the school and it's tolerance for teasing and shaming.  I was encouraged to talk to the other kids, but I tended to react overly sensitively.  One kid called me a nerd, for example, and I heard one of the girls I considered a friend repeat that, and so I stopped talking to all the girls in the class.  For like three weeks.  Finally one of them said "I miss you and it's not fair!  I didn't say you were a nerd, and even if I had, what's wrong with being a nerd?  I'd rather be friends with a nerd than someone who hurts my feelings by ignoring me all the time."  I was stunned.  "I didn't know I was your friend.  I thought you were faking, and I didn't want you to have to fake anymore."  "Well I wasn't faking.  I think you're smart and usually nice.  Except for lately.  I didn't know your feelings were so hurt that you thought I didn't like you.  It's just you read so much, and you always know the answers.  That doesn't mean anyone thinks your bad or we don't want to be your friend.  It seems like YOU don't want to be OUR friend anymore.  You never came to my party."  "My mother wouldn't let me.  I didn't know you thought about that."  "Oh.  I didn't know your mother wouldn't let you."  "I'm sorry."  "Me too."  A couple of months later, a gorl from my old school transferred to my new school.  She immediately started picking on me, and telling people that I'd had accidents at recess and stuff.  (True, by the way.)  I began to withdraw, when something incredible happened one day at recess.  We'd been taught flag football, and had been driving the recess staff nutty by playing tackle football instead, and refusing to let whoever got caught take the blame.  We broke the rule as a class.  It wound up being a kids vs adults thing, and it was bonding.  The new student was being introduced to it.

"Don't invite her.  I won't play with Lava.  She still wets herself."

"You're a liar, and you're mean."  "We don't want to play with YOU.  You say you knew her before, well we know her now, and she's never wet herself.  Why are you always picking on her?"  "Yeah, you can't just lie about people like that.  I bet you lie about everything."  "Lava's been here all year, she's one of our class.  Who are you to tell us who we can and can't play with.  She's the best runner of all the girls.  I call her on my team."  "No, she's always on my team.  Girls versus boys."  "Well then you have to play with <new kid> too."  "No, she can play with the second graders.  Maybe one of them will wet their pants and give her something to talk about."

I'll never forget that.  I still had a lot to learn about making friends and stuff, but I never doubted the worth of the effort after that.  I was so lucky.

[visionmaker]

Hi Patty,
Wow, I can soooooo relate to each of you.
Oh yes, as a young child I felt that, and there are many times as an adult now that I still feel that way. As we go into the holiday season it affects me the most. I have friends who have a healthier relationship with their parents and are all excited about going there to spend time with them. I always wondered what that was like. The only way that I can try to relate to it is when I go and hang out at some of my friends houses. When I was 8th grade, I became friends with someone and her family was wonderful. They were all so tight, connected, compassionate, and genuinely cared about each other. I so craved that. When I was growing up my parents moved around alot. I never felt like I fit in anywhere. I always felt like an outcast. I didn't have any brothers or sisters so I had really noone I could connect with as a kid. My parents wouldn't let me go and do slumber parties. Afterschool activities were off limits. Anyone I gravitated towards was usually much older than me. I was afraid and embarrassed to invite anyone really over. I was terrified that my mother or father would have one of their outbursts or breakdowns. It wasn't till I was in my 30's that I started to develop healthy friendships. A couple of years ago my mother found out where I worked. She started stopping in there on a regular basis. I would have such a fear of her behaving inappropriately, saying the wrong things, talking extremely loudly, or bringing out the family laundry in front of my coworkers. Now, I have been transferred further away, so, the chances of her coming out there are slim to none.
Some friends I have made later on in life don't understand the dynamics of it. It's hard to explain on a level in which that they can understand. If one hasn't been through it, I don't think they can truly understand it.
I am new to this board, but as I read many of everyone's posts, I feel as I know many of you because it sounds like alot of us have been through the same war.
take care of you
vsionmaker

[LavaMeetsSea]

Welcome ((Visionmaker)).

[LilacWine]

It's only been recently that I have any friends at all. I never really had any growing up. My mother did everything in her power to make sure I was an outcast everywhere I went. Some examples
1. She wanted me to be "well rounded".. so we went to church, synagogue, and the pagan temple... except that my Rabbi was not to keen on my wearing a cross to Shul.. or my pastor on my wearing a pentagram to Church.. But my mother literally superglued the lock on to my neck. She didn't want me "losing" them.. but it was more like she didn't want me to be able to take the charms off and hide my "other" sides.

2.) She would walk around naked in the house even if people came over. I stopped inviting people over because when I asked her to put on pants if someone was coming over, she'd tell me that it was "her" house and "she was paying the bills" (even after she quit her job and I was making all the money) and if I didn't want people to see her ass, then I couldn't have people over.

3.) I wasn't allowed to go to other people's houses or go to certain places. I couldn't stay out past 11 even at twenty years old. I couldn't go to the arcade with friends; kids went there to "Get in trouble" according to her. I didn't "need" to go out, she said. I didn't need to go "hanging around" with people. She said if I wanted something to do, I could clean for her because I didn't do it well enough otherwise. I couldn't play pool in college cause only hoodlums played pool. I couldn't go to school events with friends because I was obviously lying to her and I was going to do something she wouldn't want me to. I couldn't even go just walking around the Strip ( I live in Vegas) to go to the movies with friends because it was "too dangerous" and some "bandit" would take me away and rape me or kill me. She wouldn't let me go to other people's houses (nevermind spend the night).. I couldn't go to OTHER people's houses after a certain time of day because she was afraid "my car would get stolen".. nevermind that something might happen to ME, but my CAR would get stolen...and people's parents wouldn't bring them over anymore because they were tired of being the only parent in the friendship making an effort.. so I lost a lot of friends that way.. and then people just stopped asking me to hang out because the answer I got would always be "no".. I still had to ask permission to see people after 18 years old because my mother held the title to my car and threatened to take it away if I disobeyed her.

4.) My friends didn't believe me when I told them something wasn't right with my mother. Whenever they'd be around her, she was mother of the year. Making food for everyone.. offering rides to people.. giving "motherly" advice to people.. stuff like that.. The things that she refused to do for ME without an argument. She made sure that my friends thought she was innocent. That I was the one that was crazy.. until a friend came to stay with me for an extended period, as well as my fiance.. they started to see the real her, especially when they were around more than I was.. She would start to take things out on them that she would normally take out on me.

It wasn't until I met my fiance and spent a lot of time with his family that I saw that my life was in the hole. His parents don't take everything out on him. They call just to say they love him (and me too! :D).. They make sure he has money and other things he needs so that he doesn't have to worry about them while going to school.. They're even trying to get me back on health insurance because they know I get sick fairly often. (They offered to pay for it even!) They invite us over for dinner just so they can do something nice for us.. My mother never did anything like that.  She was so wonderful to anyone who didn't share her genetics. To me and my sister, she was Joan Crawford from Hell.

[Patty]

Lava, what a painful story but it had a nice ending!  Your ability to write is incredible!  Why don't you write a book about your experiences of BPD?  Maybe that is not something you would want to write about but it would be a best seller.

Visionmaker , welcome!  Never linked the talking extremely loudly to BP behavior before, but one of the BPs in my life does it too (and now it makes sense!)!  Like you, I have never met anyone outside of this board who really understands what it is like to have BP parent with this disorder.  You have to live the experience to really get it.  It is a disorder with very unusual behaviors (that is putting it mildly!).

Red , like you, my mother hated me going out.  Just hated it and did all she could to stop me.  I am glad you have met someone nice and that his family support you as well!  You deserve it! 

[tryintogetby]

Patty, I've been meaning to reply to this for DAYS, and just got around to it now, Sorry! 

Yes, I felt completely different than the rest of my friends.  I didn't feel like a GIRL.  I felt like everyone else knew something about femininity, beauty, and girlishness that I didn't.  I felt more comfortable around guys.  They laughed, they talked, they didn't snip at you behind your back---heck, they'd just TELL you if something was wrong!  (or punch each other, , but I was still a girl, so never got any of that.  )

Now I realize that uBPD momster probably played a big role in my dislike of girls.  She would TELL me, "you know she was really being catty when she gave you that compliment."     What do you do with that?  Even a compliment has a hidden meaning! She'd tell me to "lie awake on my bed at night," to think of come-backs for catty things that people say.  She told me that other girls' boyfriends were fair game and that if I liked one, I should try to steal him away ( I NEVER believed that).   

Twice, and I do mean TWICE in my life have I ever had an "instant" connection with another girl, and I've carried that with me my whole life. 

One of them lost her mom to breast cancer, her dad beat her, and I'm pretty sure her mom is uBPD.  When she got married, her husband left her for another *man* and she really never forgave me for telling her he was gay before they got married.  It broke my heart to lose her. 

The other one is the girl I just welcomed to this board.   I hope she comes. 

[tryintogetby]

Oddly enough that's the only place I got to be rebellious, and probably the only place that they cared enough to help me regardless.  (My mother had had me in ballet classes.  I hated it.  One day I planted my feet in the parking lot going to another class I didn't want to go to.  I opened my mouth and out came "I WANNA GO TO KARATE!"  oops  : )

SC

Scardy-cat, are you my mirror-image? LOL!  I was also in Karate.  I was so excited about it as a kid, but later, I WANTED to take ballet...but my mother was convinced that I'd get beaten up and raped unless I could kick some guy's lights out. ! 

[Patty]

Wow Taylor, I am not surprised you felt that way about being a girl!  Telling a child to try and think of catty remarks is very very twisted  .   I am really sorry she made you feel like that!  BPs seem to go to great extremes to destroy those around them.

I hate cattiness as well!  I grew up listening to btchiness all day long and became an expert at switching off from it.  I once wore ear phones and carried on listening to music during one of my mothers tirades about neighbors or whatever, and she didn't even notice I had them on!  Every so often I nodded and made some noise just to make it look as if I was listening.  I saw it for what it was, a total waste of time and energy.  I switch off from conversations like this to this day.  Cannot be bothered to listen to stuff like that.

I am sure you are wonderful woman!  Your friend is very lucky to have someone like you in her life!  I hope she joins us as well!

Hugs
Patty

[visionmaker]

((lava)) THANKS
Right back at you

Visionmaker

[LavaMeetsSea]

Aw Patty, that's so encouraging.  <Bangs head on desk once, twice, then again.>  I'll think about it. 

[thenextstep]

I hate cattiness as well!  I grew up listening to btchiness all day long and became an expert at switching off from it.  I once wore ear phones and carried on listening to music during one of my mothers tirades about neighbors or whatever, and she didn't even notice I had them on!  Every so often I nodded and made some noise just to make it look as if I was listening.  I saw it for what it was, a total waste of time and energy.  I switch off from conversations like this to this day.  Cannot be bothered to listen to stuff like that.

I learned the same thing, and like you do it to this day.  I find at times that it's become so ingrained that I have to fight it in order to communicate well with people I want to communicate with.  I used to lay on the couch at my Dad's and mock him while he talked to me.  He never seemed to notice, even though the couch was right next to his chair, but I would grunt and nod in all the right places.  Before I went no contact with momster, I would "listen" to her on the phone, while doing all sorts of things, reading, writing, etc.  She never noticed, unless I forgot to make noise in the right place, and then only ocassionally.

Yes, I felt completely different than the rest of my friends.  I didn't feel like a GIRL.  I felt like everyone else knew something about femininity, beauty, and girlishness that I didn't.  I felt more comfortable around guys.  They laughed, they talked, they didn't snip at you behind your back---heck, they'd just TELL you if something was wrong!  (or punch each other, , but I was still a girl, so never got any of that.  )

Now I realize that uBPD momster probably played a big role in my dislike of girls.  She would TELL me, "you know she was really being catty when she gave you that compliment."     What do you do with that?

Taylor, I had the same situation growing up.  Most of the friends I did have were guys, and usually treated me like "one of the guys."  I had a friend at church with whom I would go out to the playground after Wednesday services and we would fist fight.  This was a weekly activity.

It's only been in the last few years that I've starting learning what it is to be a "girl" and not be embarassed or ashamed by it.  My mother would tell people all the time that I had the upper body strength of guys my age, or better, and I somehow became "Ms. Fix-it" even as a little kid.  She never gave me the chance to balance my identity.  I became her surrogate partner after she divorced my Dad.  She didn't tell me the types of things your momster did, not that I remember, but it was much more subtle and covert with her.

[confusedandtired]

Red -

That struck a chord with me, if any friends came over when we were young, mother had to prepare the best meals, treat them kindly, take them places, etc. Show them what a good mother she was.

It's taken me 30 plus years to even work out that there was something wrong with this set up, i knew that friend's parents just behaved normally when i went to their houses but couldn't quite see where the problem was with my mother's behaviour.

[Special thanks to our sponsors!]

Special thanks to our sponsors! Keeping us on the air in 2013 Pay it forward Here
	123Phoebe 1989 1bravegirl 20years 23tesla 5keepers Alastor alf aluminumRob Amber3 ambi AmericanTemplar an0ught Arecibo armsreach Arthur artman.1 At_Bay Auspicious aussie mumma Aussieman babyducks Bananas bb12 beachgirl009 BeenReplaced BeenThereB4 BehindTheWall Being Mindful Belka berry Blazing Star BlueTiffany BradyK briefcase cal644 CalledaPerson Cannon captain4464 cbas cfh charred chayka Chosen Cici cindyr cleotokos Cmjo CodependentHusband ComoLu ComplexOpus Conundrum coworkerfriend Cumulus dauada David Dare daze deelee950 dharmagems Dire Wolf dusk eac elessar eniale Exonerated eyvindr faithfull fakename findingmyselfagain Firequelcher flatspin Forgetmenot Free One freshlySane fromheeltoheal Gbirdmom GeekyGirl goldylamont goodguy gottafixit Grammy17201 griz GustheDog Healing4Ever heartandwhole Her Mother heronbird heyhey hijodeganas hithere hopeforhealing How do I do This? HowPredictable Hunter56 Hurt llama Hurtbad Inspirationneeded isshebpd Jai Yen jalbright jaleo2000 jargon337 jb1 jessienbp JetsFan joanlee johnnyonthespot jordana418 Joseph54 just me. Kate4queen keepwalking keldubs78 kellygirl601 Kelsie Kewahkah kimberlysc knowing laelle lbjnltx Leaf livefreebpdfamily loved_her? LoveNotWar LP luckyduck LuckyEscapee LuvMontana Major_Dad mamachelle MammaMia mango_flower maria1 maryy16 meditator Memorial Donation (11) mggt michaelwriting midori0 Mightyhammers Millie12 MomsBestFriendNoMore Moorpark Mountaineagle mp2? Mr Mom... mymiracles MySanctuary Nelson1962 newlyhopeful nomoredrama71 nonhere NorthernGirl nothinleft NotTheMama NYCgirl NY-LON Odysseus. Oldsoldier2411 OnceConfused ontherox opheliasmom Orange patientandclear Patty peaceplease peppie Phoenix.Rising pinkpeony PrettyPlease Pugman Rapt Reader really refuge rethinking RiseUp rj47 Robhart rockman Rocky777 Rockylove rogerroger rollercoaster24 Rose1 Sabine saddle_tramp SadWifeofBPD SailMonkey salvia Sancho scallops Scarlet Phoenix schwing scraps66 screechowl seahorse Seb sfgirl skinny13 somuchlove southernsis splitinga still around strangerinparadise StrongEnough struggli stupafly Sullyone Surnia susanleona swampped T. Moore tailspin Take2 Tess Russell Thursday TigerEye Tippy toliveistofly Tracy62 Triptoes tryingtohelp tuum est61 twojaybirds upsidedown VeryScared vfsdan Vindi vivekananda waitaminute WalrusGumboot Want2know watersedge waverider wee_one whatshappening whiletheseasonspass whirlpoollife whitemouse Wimowe winston72 wishingwell17 withBPD WorkingOnIt worn_out WrongWoman wuzdownandgetnbetter yamada yeeter
	If you made a donation and your name does not appear on this list or here , please contact us so that we can confirm that the payment was properly credited to BPDFamily.
	Pay it forward Here