Fall of 2007: Part II of Part IV (lol)

[Think About It....]

Part I of Fall of 2007 Part IV: Litigation Threats

Had the exchange this evening.  Only discussion was update on the kids' health and we departed.  Tonight, the ramblings continue...

Mr. M,

I am upset about this situation with Christmas.  I wasn't trying to ruin your Christmas last year, I even offered for you to have the boys the day before Christmas.  Regardless of saying that I didn't think it was fair for me to have to drive them out to [Exchange Point] on Christmas eve I wound up getting very sick.  I've never kept them from you...you did get them on the 27th last year and I even offered to bring them out on the 26th.  I didn't fight this 50/50 arrangement because I know they need their Dad.  This is so wrong, not just for me but for them.  The summer was the same thing...I've never done anything like that to you, what you pulled after I came and spent the weekend down there was terrible.  You are totally breaking my heart.  I am so distraught, I can't bear the thought of not seeing them for three weeks straight and not a day during the Christmas season. I do believe the order said that the "Christmas holiday" was your this year but not the whole week...she never uttered those words.  She didn't say "Christmas Break" or "Christmas Week", she said the holiday, which is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I've been praying everyday that you somehow move past the hatred you have for me and do the right thing.  Why are you doing this?  I AM their mother remember...I know you wish you could change that but you can't and they love me very much.  Please please do the right thing.  I am just sick about this.  You have been so cruel and I don't understand it at all.

~Psychex

Victim, victim, victim, victim, victim, victim, victim.  Selective memory.  Failure to recall and accept responsibility for her sinister behavior (we PROVED in court that her alleged illness last year was a farce).  Notice her emphasis on mother of the year, and how my desire to spend my first Christmas if 4 years with my children is evil, underhanded, and rooted in hatred for her and not the desire to have a happy, healthy holiday with the children... one without drama and chaos.

Also I have no idea what she is talking about with regard to the summer.  My guess is holding fast to the schedule change she agreed to and then unagreed to, resulting in a contempt petition against me which was dismissed outright.  "What I did to her" after she came down... from the woman who filed a false abuse with CPS from 4 states away fully a week after the alleged abuse was to have occurred.

Scary.  Scary stuff.

[Mr. M]

Part I of Fall of 2007 Part IV: Litigation Threats

Had the exchange this evening.  Only discussion was update on the kids' health and we departed.  Tonight, the ramblings continue...

Mr. M,

I am upset about this situation with Christmas.  I wasn't trying to ruin your Christmas last year, I even offered for you to have the boys the day before Christmas.  Regardless of saying that I didn't think it was fair for me to have to drive them out to [Exchange Point] on Christmas eve I wound up getting very sick.  I've never kept them from you...you did get them on the 27th last year and I even offered to bring them out on the 26th.  I didn't fight this 50/50 arrangement because I know they need their Dad.  This is so wrong, not just for me but for them.  The summer was the same thing...I've never done anything like that to you, what you pulled after I came and spent the weekend down there was terrible.  You are totally breaking my heart.  I am so distraught, I can't bear the thought of not seeing them for three weeks straight and not a day during the Christmas season. I do believe the order said that the "Christmas holiday" was your this year but not the whole week...she never uttered those words.  She didn't say "Christmas Break" or "Christmas Week", she said the holiday, which is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I've been praying everyday that you somehow move past the hatred you have for me and do the right thing.  Why are you doing this?  I AM their mother remember...I know you wish you could change that but you can't and they love me very much.  Please please do the right thing.  I am just sick about this.  You have been so cruel and I don't understand it at all.

~Psychex

Victim, victim, victim, victim, victim, victim, victim.  Selective memory.  Failure to recall and accept responsibility for her sinister behavior (we PROVED in court that her alleged illness last year was a farce).  Notice her emphasis on mother of the year, and how my desire to spend my first Christmas if 4 years with my children is evil, underhanded, and rooted in hatred for her and not the desire to have a happy, healthy holiday with the children... one without drama and chaos.

Also I have no idea what she is talking about with regard to the summer.  My guess is holding fast to the schedule change she agreed to and then unagreed to, resulting in a contempt petition against me which was dismissed outright.  "What I did to her" after she came down... from the woman who filed a false abuse with CPS from 4 states away fully a week after the alleged abuse was to have occurred.

Scary.  Scary stuff.

[sonnyboy]

Sociopath + victim.  She should go bowling with our borderline.  They'd get along great!

SB

[safetyfirst]

tsk,tsk...shame on you, Mr. M for 'breaking her heart'

She's reading the BPD play book again and quoting from it!

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

[doc101]

Crazy, crazy,crazy...Ignore,ignore,ignore

What's so freaky is that if you didn't know the history, if you only knew what was written, if you took the letter for face value and judged it soley for it's content, you'd look like a prick. Their selective amnesia is the part of the disease that cause me the most grief. There is no way I could disconnect from the past as effortlessly as they do...How does that work anyway?...And other normal people couldn't either, which is why they are believed...How could you be such an ∂ƒ∫∆˚, Mr M? Because you know the woman that typed that email and she doesn't deserve the consideration she's already gotten.

[Rose]

Dealing with BPD has definitely hardened my heart: I feel no sympathy for her.  You are exactly right: there was no apology in any of that, no acceptance of responsibility for what was done last year, or this summer.  The hard part is when they start to apologize, we go running back thinking things have changed, when all it is is a shear manipulation to get what they want.  In some ways, perhaps this is easier.

Have a happy holiday! 

[bewildered]

What's so freaky is that if you didn't know the history, if you only knew what was written, if you took the letter for face value and judged it soley for it's content, you'd look like a prick. Their selective amnesia is the part of the disease that cause me the most grief. There is no way I could disconnect from the past as effortlessly as they do...How does that work anyway?...And other normal people couldn't either, which is why they are believed...

By making minor changes, you can use that as a definition for the BPD ... I remember telling people that the story I am telling about my trials and tribulations are so incredible that if I had heard them BEFORE I was enmeshed, I would NOT have believed them ... I mean C'mon - they cannot be true ... Impossible I would have said. 

I believe that they truly believe their own distortions - that BPD is perhaps chemically driven in some way - some imbalance, something ... that the BPD is "evil" is obvious - at issue is intent - is there intent?  I have seen intent, deliberate and otherwise.  But I am sure there are other situations when they cannot help but be who they are ... for perhaps a nanosecond or slightly longer. 

I have learned that there is no discussing anything with the BPD - no room for any compromise, any give and take.  When they cannot respond to something, some situation, their response is essentially - throw a tantrum. 

I'll reproduce a segment of a "conversation" I had with my BPDexW

What I wrote

BPDexW,
I regret that it has been impossible to discuss issues related to child with you.
Your positions have always remained at odds with what Courts/Judges have seen fit to rule.
It is in fact at my discretion that I started the process of your having access to child, in my town, under conditions that would ensure stability.
Child does want to keep contact with you, I do what I can to help her.  I am glad that you are now sending her small gifts, it reminds her that you care about her.  She is happy to see packets in the mail.  She is happy to speak with you on the phone.
It saddens me that I am not comfortable with changing the visitation arrangements we currently have. 


She wrote back

Just because you have money...doesn't mean you are the better father.
I remember what you were like when I was married to you.
It won't take long for child to start expressing herself.
Your anger is uncontrollable. 


Uh?

(yea, conversations have consistently been like that - i.e. no conversation. 

What I'd like to write is far different from what I actually write ...

One more insight into the workings of a BPD brain ...

One particular weekend, she had planned a visit (atleast told the child) ...
She wrote to the supervisor at a family services center (for supervised visits)

Hi Supervisor,
My airline ticket and trip is costing over $500.00.
Is there anyway I can see my daughter more than 4 hours?  I know you are taxed with clients and you're working hard to fit people into schedules.
As you know, I am a wonderful mom and this is so unfair to both child and myself.
I have to leave at 3 am in the morning and won't get to town until about 3 am the following morning.  It will take 24 hours just to get from here to town.
Is it possible for child to spend the weekend with me at my parent's house?
Child is begging and pleading for me on the phone.  Her telephone call was pitiful.  She was begging to be with me.
BPDexW


The supervisor contacted me, I said No, sorry, cannot do it.

So, she cancelled the visit.  Child was disappointed, she asked mom later - mom blamed me (heard a snippet on the phone - and as soon as that thread started, I had the phone hung up)

Yes, anyone examining ONLY such emails will wonder as to how terrible I am ... and yes cruel and keeping child away from mom and all that.  So, the PR battle will always rage on since people do have short memories.

So, it does not pay to respond to every email/message - yet it is important to respond sometimes - without getting sucked into too many exchanges.  It is also important that we keep a track of such incidents best we can - so when the child is older and starts blaming the non for being cruel/unusual and all that, slowly but steadily the evidence can be trotted out to show that while it may look cruel/unusual on the surface,  they were all attempts at protecting the child from a fundamentally unstable, difficult to the child mother.  I am hoping that I would never, ever have to share all the gory details of the BPD with the child - but am sure there will come a day when the child will demand some answers and I'll have to do my best to provide some answers that will hopefully help ...

[hestia]

Mr. M,

Every day I wake up and thank god my husband's ex isn't as bad as yours. She is just pathetic.

[Mr. M]

The hard part is when they start to apologize, we go running back thinking things have changed, when all it is is a shear manipulation to get what they want. 

That's one thing that I have never done.  Of course, I gave up on there ever being a fix long before the relationship "officially" ended.  If there was ever even a hint of apology or a minimum of acceptance of responsibility, my first thought is and will always remain, She is up to something.  Expect chaos, expect to be sued, expect a tantrum, expect something untoward within the next few days.  For as long as I can remember - I have been 100% correct in my expectations.

At this point in time, there isn't even apology, even acceptance of responsibility, anything on her part that would change anything.

[Mr. M]

So, today I had to return to the school shortly after dropping off the kids... S9 complained of a stomach ache on the way to school.  He went in and promptly went to the nurse's office where he barfed. 

Rolled back, picked him up, dropped him off in bed back at the homestead, gave mmm the brief and headed back to work.

I communicated with the teacher to just fax me any homework or reading assignments for tonight and, seeing if he feels okay enough to work on them, we'll get'em done.

Since then, 2 voice mails and 1 text message insisting that I have S9 call her.   :

Yeah, if you're so concerned, call tonight like you normally might and we can give you an update.

This gets filed under "sense of entitlement" - the demand for immediate contact (interference) so that she can weigh in (tell us what we should be doing to care for him).

Please note:  S9 wasn't feeling great last week, but I received no report, no email, no phone call detailing what was happening in "real time" ().

My guess... that doesn't matter.  Does what the BPD does (or doesn't do) ever matter?  Of course not.   

[doc101]

By this afternoon you'll have a notice for an emergency hearing because you are interfering with her knowing the health related issues of her son...you may even be causing him to be sick

Take him to the doc...at least she won't be able to say your not properly caring fo him.

[bewildered]

My guess is that the BPD wants immediate contact so she can tell you what is wrong - even better than any physician can.  Oh, and of course she is a better teacher than any teacher your child has, so knows better.  Mr. M - C'mon - you know that the BPD knows everything about everything and needs to know everything all the time.  You are irrelevant.  "Resistance is Futile" (The Borg - aka - the BPD)

(At one time, when my little one had a cold/allergy, she wrote to me that "If that doctor does not prescribe any medication, you should take her to another one who will" (Uh?) (yea, right ... this has been the same physician who has taken care of the little one since she was a few weeks old - and his advice on antibiotics, cold medicine (you name it) has borne out ... Just recently, there were several news items on how cold medicine can actually harm children - they do not do anything for the cold/allergies) ...

[Mr. M]

lmao... you guys are great.

- Yes, I'm ready for the emergency hearing required ordering me to take him to the doctor.

- Yes, I'm ready for the contempt petition for interfering with her contact with the children.

No, I'm not taking him to the doctor.  We don't take our kids to the doctor for every stinkin' ailment that comes down the pike.  We let their bodies fight it off, like normal people should. 

SO many people (all ages) have gotten this "fine one day, throw up all day the next day, fine the following day" bug - it's almost silly.

He has a cold and whatever stomach thing is going around.  He'll get over it and if he doesn't, I take him to the doctor.

[funefarm4]

I just read  the "victim" letter. I gagged too...

Laughed at the "pray" part. My ex does that too--I pray we can all calm down and work something out--throws it out at just the right moment.  Back to psych ex--I've been praying everyday that you can get past your hatred...ok, you go first. :-*

PS--I know you know this, but the right thing(and she did ask you to do the RIGHT thing) is to hold her accountable and to obey the court order.

Just for the record, I do take the kids to the dr often--more than I would otherwise, but for no other purpose other than to document.  Head all the accusations off at the pass.

[Love the man hate the BP]

LOL...my son barfed on the way to school, too.  Fortunately he was in his father's car (my ex)...heheheheh...where did that devil icon go?

He slept all morning, and is just fine now.  It's going around.  But to the Munchausen-prone BPD, it's potentially stomach cancer, or at the very least, some type of intestinal Tooma (a la Ahnold).  Hey, it gave her a focus for the day, anyway.

[funefarm4]

ohhh, the kids will be driving to PA on Friday to visit their dad--can I arrange the virus to hit after we do the exchange in DE?

I'm bad today I suppose.  Just over the drama.  Tomorrow is our court hearing and I expect to hear fall out tonite.

[doc101]

ohhh, the kids will be driving to PA on Friday to visit their dad--can I arrange the virus to hit after we do the exchange in DE?

I'm bad today I suppose.  Just over the drama.  Tomorrow is our court hearing and I expect to hear fall out tonite.

Nope...But you could bake some brownies for dad with a large dose of x-lax...You could send some honey with botulism...oops now I'm being bad. Just tell the kids not to eat any.

[funefarm4]

Ok, I'm hijacking, sorry Mr. M...

Kinda like when my ex feeds my youngest peanuts because he KNOWS she's allergic and she gets sick from them RIGHT after we do the exchange. Lovely.

[Mr. M]

Ok, I'm hijacking, sorry Mr. M...

Kinda like when my ex feeds my youngest peanuts because he KNOWS she's allergic and she gets sick from them RIGHT after we do the exchange. Lovely.

That's criminal and if he does this knowingly, you should file criminal wreckless endangerment charges against him. 

She called tonight to check on him... I still await the scolding email telling me how I handled everything wrong.   

[funefarm4]

I've tried Mr. M...ohhhhh, I've tried...

He claims he does it accidentally...and the CPS people well...The truth is he tells her that mommy's lying to convince her that she's allergic and he'll prove it to her. If she'll only believe him...a cruel thing to do to a "challenged" child, isn't it?

I'm in the process of getting her allergy testing to prove that she's REALLY allergic to nuts, and sending him a copy.  Then, he can't say he did anything accidentally. He should be watching...

Taking bets--how long before you get the scolding e mail? What say you, a few hours?

[Mr. M]

Please tell me that professionals don't really believe that after several instances of adverse reactions, he "accidentally" purchases peanuts... has them in his possession... and then gives them to the child... in a bizarre series of "unfortunate accidents" and on several occasions.  Please.  Please tell me.

Taking bets--how long before you get the scolding e mail? What say you, a few hours?

It's possible it won't happen and it's the lesson of low/no contact.  After being ignored... repeatedly... all friggin' day - she'll call it quits for a little while.  A little while meaning... perhaps until tomorrow.