Fall of 2007: Part V - The All Clear? (A Must Read)

[Think About It....]

Okay, tonight I wanted to watch a movie. I really did! I even put it in the TV and started it, but I couldn't concentrate. So I said "what we should do is take our wine, and our computers and our Parmesan and Garlic chips and go to bed and have a good time." So here we are, and Mr. M keeps yelling at me because I make comments and don't post them. But people, do you know how hard it is to POST and EAT chips at the same time?

Here are my favorites:

"I have a really really really hard time believing that you are THIS mean" Oh holy crap. Seriously? This mean? You can't believe a man, who you told the judge, and I quote "I just would like to say on the record that I was involved with Mr. M for 12 years in an abusive relationship, filed for divorce." A man who ABUSED you for 12 years? And you can't believe he is THIS mean?  :

"particularly one time I remember when you asked me to marry you." Mr. M, and honestly I have had a hard time believing this, but I'm pretty sure he is serious, has told me many times that he can't even remember asking her because she was relentless is goading him into doing it. She just wouldn't give up and by that point it wasn't even memorable. How sad is that?

"worry more about squaring youself with not letting the mother of your children see them because it bothers your girlfriend" See when he didn't have 50/50 it was because "I" didn't want the kids around, and he wanted to make me happy, but now he wants the kids around because he wants to make me happy  :

"also, by the by the boys tell me that MMM's not so nice when "daddy's" not around...what's that all about? a little resentment that's what I'm thinking" I can count on 2 fingers the number of times I've been alone with the boys since the CPS incident, once was on Monday when SS9 was sick, we had a blast. All the boys talk about are things we do, so we know who's insecure and feeling resentment, and it's not me.

"remember the time I made you and MCB sing the SOUND of MUSIC?" LMFAO. She says this specifically because the last week we had the boys we were here singing "Do Re Me" and I had to feed Mr. M the words, they told her about it on the phone and she got ticked that I was mentioned by her precious sons who should hate me.

It's really sad and I know we can't even comprehend how miserable someone has to be to literally list all the people that love her, and then have to ask her ex husband, whom SHE divorced, to love her in order to feel good about herself. I'm honestly surprised how many times she said we were smarter than her, because typically her e-mails are about how dumb we are and how superior she is, and how she knows all and we are in for a rude awakening when we get to court  : For a second she really glimpsed into her soul, but 46 minutes later she had rewritten things already.

[mmm]

Okay, tonight I wanted to watch a movie. I really did! I even put it in the TV and started it, but I couldn't concentrate. So I said "what we should do is take our wine, and our computers and our Parmesan and Garlic chips and go to bed and have a good time." So here we are, and Mr. M keeps yelling at me because I make comments and don't post them. But people, do you know how hard it is to POST and EAT chips at the same time?

Here are my favorites:

"I have a really really really hard time believing that you are THIS mean" Oh holy crap. Seriously? This mean? You can't believe a man, who you told the judge, and I quote "I just would like to say on the record that I was involved with Mr. M for 12 years in an abusive relationship, filed for divorce." A man who ABUSED you for 12 years? And you can't believe he is THIS mean?  :

"particularly one time I remember when you asked me to marry you." Mr. M, and honestly I have had a hard time believing this, but I'm pretty sure he is serious, has told me many times that he can't even remember asking her because she was relentless is goading him into doing it. She just wouldn't give up and by that point it wasn't even memorable. How sad is that?

"worry more about squaring youself with not letting the mother of your children see them because it bothers your girlfriend" See when he didn't have 50/50 it was because "I" didn't want the kids around, and he wanted to make me happy, but now he wants the kids around because he wants to make me happy  :

"also, by the by the boys tell me that MMM's not so nice when "daddy's" not around...what's that all about? a little resentment that's what I'm thinking" I can count on 2 fingers the number of times I've been alone with the boys since the CPS incident, once was on Monday when SS9 was sick, we had a blast. All the boys talk about are things we do, so we know who's insecure and feeling resentment, and it's not me.

"remember the time I made you and MCB sing the SOUND of MUSIC?" LMFAO. She says this specifically because the last week we had the boys we were here singing "Do Re Me" and I had to feed Mr. M the words, they told her about it on the phone and she got ticked that I was mentioned by her precious sons who should hate me.

It's really sad and I know we can't even comprehend how miserable someone has to be to literally list all the people that love her, and then have to ask her ex husband, whom SHE divorced, to love her in order to feel good about herself. I'm honestly surprised how many times she said we were smarter than her, because typically her e-mails are about how dumb we are and how superior she is, and how she knows all and we are in for a rude awakening when we get to court  : For a second she really glimpsed into her soul, but 46 minutes later she had rewritten things already.

[Her Mama]

M, every time I refresh my page to post there is more and more of what I could say but has already been said, so... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

     MERRY CHRISTMAS    

[Mr. M]

The following will be my next problem:

Hi Mr. and Mrs. M,

          I am sorry I did not respond to S9’s day yesterday. AS you can imagine, things are extrememly crazy around school for the holidays and I apologize. Yesterday he had a good day, but I do think it is time that we all sit down and talk after the Holidays. S9 really needs to get on track with everything – remembering things and his frustration level is a huge problem right now. I will contact you after the New Year and we can hopefully set something up where we can all sit down and help S9 come to a solution to some of these issues. So far today has not been too bad, but not his best day either.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday and I will contact you when we come back!

S9Teach

Great teacher.

I've spoke briefly here about S9s issues with handling adverse situations "appropriately" - and also a big problem is "forgetfulness."  Of course, when you have zero (or near zero) discipline at home and "MOTY" does everything for you - you don't learn a sense of responsibility... but I digress...

I will spend part of my holidays figuring out how to carefully word an email back to S9Teach explaining that we are not in a position to sit down together and why (without too much detail up front).  I believe I made brief mention of being in a "contentious" situation before at conferences, but something like this is going to drop it all in her lap.  It's unfortunate, but it's the reality that we live with.

One of the cracks tonight was forwarding that series of emails to S9Teach, followed by the email explaining that things are still "contentious" and we are in no position to sit in on a joint conference to work "together" for the "best interests of the children."  The reality is, it's impossible and isn't "in the best interests of the children."

It's that tightrope walk again because you know she is going to lay all the blame on me... and obviously, I will lay the blame on her.  That leaves S9Teach caught in the crossfire.

It's another "venue" for Psychex to cry "poor me."

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

[csandra]

Oh man, she is absolutely pathetic...truly.  I have to say that I was thinking "alcohol" as I read through her emails.  Then I read the responses and saw that I was not alone. 

In all seriousness, she lacked all(most) inhibition.  How is she able to turn off that craziness when she is with the boys?  No wonder the boys are so excited to spend more time with you...and I imagine it could turn into some tinges of guilt for not being with mom when she is so looney tunes.  I don't remember your ever mentioning alcohol as a factor but it could explain a few things.

[safetyfirst]

   Oh, My, Goodness! I'm up way too late tonight, but this read was SOOOOOOOOOO worth it!  My hubby couldn't figure out why I was sitting here laughing out loud!  LOVE IT! 

Read an email son's ex sent last night and see so much of the same kind of stuff.  Laughed at some of her stuff too!  She ends hers by saying "tattling is so thrid grade".  All I could say was HUH?  She was pissed because she is being forced to follow certain guidelines laid out by the evaluator and my son is not being nice an making exceptions for her 8)

[sucker_no_more]

Wow, Mr M, that tirade of emails really showed her in her true light.  I think it's very telling that she's assuming that the "brains" of the operation is MMM - she can't seem to comprehend that you have your own mind, can she?  And how beastly of you both to use your intelligence, memory and general organisational skills to promote the best interests of the kids... : 

You all have a great Christmas!  You definitely deserve it!

  SNM

[mmm]

I realized in the middle of the night that it really is classic BPD, she literally can't comprehend that Mr. M hates her because of what SHE has done. Nope. Can't do it. It must be because of me. Mr. M is now white, and I am black. Let me shed a tear    :  And we are somehow supposed to teach the kids about responsibility 

[Coolmomof4]

I don't get to post much on here lately, but I do keep up with all of you and read lots.  But this...  Thank you so much for the laugh!

You all have a wonderful Christmas!

[kellaroo]

What is with the baby talk anyways?

My exh signs letters/emails to S10..."daddy".   Son doesn't even call him that?  wth?

wow...them some crazy emails.  Its such a bizarre delusional disorder.

[laurena82]

in summary...I know who calls the shots..and it's NOT YOU. sad...

~Psychex

Split much anyone?

Followed in mere minutes by...

Mr. M,

I got it...worry more about squaring youself with not letting the mother of your children see them because it bothers your girlfriend.

~Psychex

WOW...this is EXACTLY what my nonSO's UPBDxW does...after she realizes she can no longer push nonSO to do her dirtywork/cater to her whim/pay her every last cent he has/etc etc...she then BLAMES it all onto  how he has no "gonads" to handle his "GF"...and "she runs you"...etc etc...(obviously exW "ran" him for years, and now that she realizes she is losing that power...it must be because some other woman has this power...cant be that nonSO actually is MAKING HIS OWN DECISIONS...geesh...)

oh yeah, then the next thing:

Telling us how much the kids "hate" me ("GF")...this is the same kid who runs to give me a big hug everytime he sees me...

They are all clones...geesh...

[funefarm4]

I laughed, laughed, laughed, laughed at the letter. Did I say laughed.

Straight  out of the BPD book. STRAIGHT OUT!

So, now it's alllll mmmm's fault.  Yup.  That's what happened. She had you in the bag and then, THAT woman.

We had the same thing here.  They(the lawyer, he, sister/wifie) simply could NOT believe it(they had finally hung themselves and I was going to hold them to the court order)--and so they went after my dear hubby(who, with 23 years military experience was NOT the one to go after, because he laid it out for them all and blew them away).  

I do believe that mmmm can handle all of this, with rather a humorous outlook on it all?  

You know, you've gotten to her, so she has no where else to go, but to spew on your dear one now.  She's lost and she knows it and she knows that YOU know too.

Hoping that it all works out for you today...happy holidays...

[Mr. M]

What is with the baby talk anyways?

It's always sickened me.  My kids sometimes do it and I remind them that they're not babies anymore and I want them to talk normally.

But it's just not the way she talks, that's annoying enough.  The over hyper-kissy-face when they go back to her.  I can actually see S6 do the half-pull-away cringe when she does it.  It's across the board - she has no expectations of them...

- If I didn't work on the potty training, they'd still be wearing diapers at 6 and 9.  I only FINALLY got S6 out of "training pants" (back in the Spring) at bedtime because it disincentivized the discipline of only milk after 7PM, doing a "final pee-check" right before bed, and getting his body in tune with no peeing the bed.  I still wake him up when I head to bed for a "midnight check" - and the kid doesn't wet the bed all that often - he's thrilled with himself.

- S9 still won't ride a bike and didn't learn to tie his own shoes until he was about 8.  I still have to get to work on getting S6 to tie his shoes.

- I finally got them to stop taking "baths together" like they were toddlers.  I taught both of them how to take showers and, for the most part - do it by themselves.  S6, I help with washing the shampoo out of his hair, but the rest - he is on his own.  Just the other day, when he was whining about the water in his face I leaned in close to him and said, S6, listen to me.  You are going to HAVE TO figure out how to do this.  I've told you, close your eyes, close your mouth, and breathe through your nose.  Shower water is the same as swimming or playing in the rain.  The water will not hurt you.  He calmly said, "okay" and then just did it.

- It's why they drop their clothes, towels, bags, jackets, etc. wherever they happen to take them off.  I feel like a nag walking around and making them pick them up (only because it happens ALL THE TIME) - but it's the only way they'll learn.  She must still walk around and pick up everything after them.  She probably still puts on their shoes for them and ties them for them.

She NEEDS that dependence from them AND she is incapable of actually teaching them anything.  Well, except to depend on her to do everything for them.  She has no concept that she is actually destroying their ability to learn and grow.

We can only do what we can the 50% of the time we have them... until we get them more.

[Mr. M]

You know, you've gotten to her, so she has no where else to go, but to spew on your dear one now.  She's lost and she knows it and she knows that YOU know too.

It wasn't that long ago when she would try to reel-in mmm, be her best buddy.  The were going to be "buddies in surviving the abuse at Mr. M's hands."  She was going to set mmm straight on just the kind of vicious, abusive person I am.   :

Fact is... I wish mmm was running this show and I could just wash my hands of having to deal with her at all!  ! 

[Coolmomof4]

Mr. M, I have to agree too that the baby talk weirdness is totally BPD.  My step-son is 13 now and *IF* he even answers the phone when she calls, he puts her on speakerphone.  This is basically because she would deny anything he called her  on in conversations.  But anyway, she talks to her 13 yo son like he's 2.  And when she sees him?  The huggy kissy crap every time, and she is hurt and offended hwn he isn't interested.

When DH was a single dad, he had SS in a toddler bed when he was 2, and pottytrained.  At mother's during visits, he was still in a crib at 4 and in diapers at night.  He never wet at night past age 2!  When DH made a big deal out of it, she had SS sleeping with her until he was 8 or 9.

It is the dependence thing.  They have to keep them babies as long as possible becuase they cannot stand the idea that they can have their own thoughts, feelings, and lives seperate from them.  We still deal with the birthday cards with a whole dollar in them, nerf toys for Christmas, etc.  But then again, what do you expect from someone who is stuck at a 13 year old mentality?

[Rose]

Now, that's my idea of the perfect holiday gift.    

[Sissy]

I haven't even gotten through this thread all the way...maybe there were even more emails from Psychex...and maybe someone already made this point:  Can't you get her for harrassment of something for sending you all those?

-Sissy

[Mr. M]

Nah.  I'll just file them away for the next contempt petition. 

[hestia]

Merry Christmas Mr. M and mmm,

Santa has been VERY good to you guys.
And thanks for the laugh.

Hestia

[safetyfirst]

You know, we've all noticed that their communications with us seem to come from a play book.  Now I'm seeing in these responses that there seem to be a lot more behavioral similiarities in the way they treat their children.  i.e. baby talk, kissy face, etc.  I know that WOES lists lots of the spousal/partner negative behavioral traits of this disorder but have never seen a list of these wierd, but seemingly common, parent/child behaviors.  Maybe we should start a thread of these and see just how many other similarities of behaviors we can come up with.  Ours is not diagnosed and the evaluator will only admit that she exhibits 'some' BPD traits but insists she is not BPD.  I beg to differ as I see her qualifying on all 9 points!  I'd like to see how completely she fits in with the common parent/child behaviors.

BTW, I had to laugh again at her comment that she is 'dropping the petition'.  Sounds like her way of saving face since its been continued til late January, after the time in question is long past!

Happy Holidays!

[Mr. M]

She still doesn't know it was continued.

Also - the sleeping with the children is another common characteristic.  I understand that mom still sleeps "with them" until they fall asleep.  Sometimes, their Bipolar alcoholic sister "sleeps with them" when she stays over there... and that deeply concerns me.