Pre-Trial Settlement Conference (Long)

[Think About It...]

First, a little background, the condensed version, of course:

-Stink Weed and Jewls owned successful business #1 for 10 years.
-Stink Weed begins a new business venture in 2004 called business #2.
-SW and Jewls sell business #1 in early 2006.  Profit from the sale is enough to create a nest egg and pay for kids' college educations.  Jewls inquires about where the money is being deposited since personal accounts aren't showing any large deposits.  SW demands that she "trust" him, he knows what he's doing, all will be well.  Jewls becomes increasingly concerned as weeks go by and no news of where money is, SW continues to elude all questions.  Marriage has reached its end and Jewls asks for a divorce.  Business #2 employees approach Jewls with concerns, tell her to get possession of books and do research.  Jewls is horrified, discovers hundreds of thousands gone, money also being syphoned into another business owned by female.  SW gets wind of Jewls' discoveries, takes books and copies of evidence from Jewls' car and destroys and/or has bookkeeper change evidence.
-Lawsuits are filed against SW and Business #2.  SW isn't paying bills.  Jewls finds out the hard way that she is 50% owner in Business #2, a fact that SW hadn't previously disclosed to Jewls (Jewls asked not to be part of Business #2 at the inception, SW assured her she wasn't until lawsuits were filed, then SW gives Jewls the "Oh, by the way..." news).
-SW and female business owner move in together shortly after SW and Jewls' separation.  There is a CD set up for tax purposes (taxes owed as the result of sale of Business #1).  SW borrows over $200,000 against CD (estimated tax forecast is there will be significant proceeds from CD after taxes are paid) without Jewls' knowledge and with a Financial RO in place, and pours the money into female business partner's business.
-SW sells jointly-owned personal belongings for thousands and claims they "disappeared" from storage.
-SW living high life in Indy, LA and NYC with female business partner/gf/fiance, squanders away all profits from that business, as well.  SW and gf call things off in summer '07 leaving both broke. 
-Several attempts to settle with SW have failed.  He feels entitled to the little bit of remaining assets that are left.

As most of you are aware, SW has physically, emotionally, and verbally abused me, our S18 and D16.  He wasn't around enough (working or traveling) to do the same to D12 and D8.  He has actively tried to alienate me from D12 and D8 from the beginning of our separation, the depth of which I couldn't prove but was recently verified by ex-gf.  He has refused to exchange D8 when his visitation terminated on 3 separate occasions this past summer, one time for as long as 3 days.  He filed contempt charges against me because D16 won't visit him and claims I'm the reason.  He's chronically late with child support payments and consistently complains to all the kids, specifically D12 and D8, that I am the reason he doesn't get to see them very much (he has almost 50% time with them).

-His most recent settlement proposal was 50/50 division of remaining assets (very small amount), joint custody and 50/50 time with kids, a vehicle that I possess that he had given to me in the past, and 50/50 division of any remaining liabilities including lawsuits.  Unbelievable.

He remained in this stance yesterday.  My L began the conference by berating SW.  I had never seen SW so pale.  His L did not return the favor.  We managed to get through the financial issues with a large percentage awarded in my favor, he still felt entitled to more.  There has been some money coming in from the sale of an asset and when asked why he hadn't shared the proceeds with me, he actually tried to convince everyone in the room that he had handed me envelopes full of cash on a few occasions this past summer and I wasn't admitting to it!  He's a miserable liar.  My L, his L, and the paralegal that was also present were obviously disgusted with this statement, their facial expressions said it all. 

SW then made the statement that I was purposely keeping D16 from him (she tries to visit but every time is either grilled about me, disgusted with his behavior, or upset by his blaming, etc.) and that I am "badmouthing" him to the children and wants language in the settlement to specify that further badmouthing be grounds for contempt and that I have to actively encourage D16 to spend 2 hours EOW with him.  I let all in the room know that I have been actively encouraging and that this will continue to be a difficult task.  SW's L said he knows I am doing my best but will include the wording because his client wishes to do so.

The sticking point was and still is that SW indemnifies me from all current and future lawsuits and judgements (we're talking hundreds of thousands, folks).  He got us into this horrible mess, he should have to pay the piper.  We have insurmountable evidence against him and my L told SW and his L that he would be happy to take this issue to trial if need be and represent me PRO BONO.  SW actually jumped as though he had been slapped in the face. 

The settlement papers are being typed up today for my review and SW will be given a deadline.  Time to pray, cross fingers, do a rain dance, whatever.

[Jewls]

First, a little background, the condensed version, of course:

-Stink Weed and Jewls owned successful business #1 for 10 years.
-Stink Weed begins a new business venture in 2004 called business #2.
-SW and Jewls sell business #1 in early 2006.  Profit from the sale is enough to create a nest egg and pay for kids' college educations.  Jewls inquires about where the money is being deposited since personal accounts aren't showing any large deposits.  SW demands that she "trust" him, he knows what he's doing, all will be well.  Jewls becomes increasingly concerned as weeks go by and no news of where money is, SW continues to elude all questions.  Marriage has reached its end and Jewls asks for a divorce.  Business #2 employees approach Jewls with concerns, tell her to get possession of books and do research.  Jewls is horrified, discovers hundreds of thousands gone, money also being syphoned into another business owned by female.  SW gets wind of Jewls' discoveries, takes books and copies of evidence from Jewls' car and destroys and/or has bookkeeper change evidence.
-Lawsuits are filed against SW and Business #2.  SW isn't paying bills.  Jewls finds out the hard way that she is 50% owner in Business #2, a fact that SW hadn't previously disclosed to Jewls (Jewls asked not to be part of Business #2 at the inception, SW assured her she wasn't until lawsuits were filed, then SW gives Jewls the "Oh, by the way..." news).
-SW and female business owner move in together shortly after SW and Jewls' separation.  There is a CD set up for tax purposes (taxes owed as the result of sale of Business #1).  SW borrows over $200,000 against CD (estimated tax forecast is there will be significant proceeds from CD after taxes are paid) without Jewls' knowledge and with a Financial RO in place, and pours the money into female business partner's business.
-SW sells jointly-owned personal belongings for thousands and claims they "disappeared" from storage.
-SW living high life in Indy, LA and NYC with female business partner/gf/fiance, squanders away all profits from that business, as well.  SW and gf call things off in summer '07 leaving both broke. 
-Several attempts to settle with SW have failed.  He feels entitled to the little bit of remaining assets that are left.

As most of you are aware, SW has physically, emotionally, and verbally abused me, our S18 and D16.  He wasn't around enough (working or traveling) to do the same to D12 and D8.  He has actively tried to alienate me from D12 and D8 from the beginning of our separation, the depth of which I couldn't prove but was recently verified by ex-gf.  He has refused to exchange D8 when his visitation terminated on 3 separate occasions this past summer, one time for as long as 3 days.  He filed contempt charges against me because D16 won't visit him and claims I'm the reason.  He's chronically late with child support payments and consistently complains to all the kids, specifically D12 and D8, that I am the reason he doesn't get to see them very much (he has almost 50% time with them).

-His most recent settlement proposal was 50/50 division of remaining assets (very small amount), joint custody and 50/50 time with kids, a vehicle that I possess that he had given to me in the past, and 50/50 division of any remaining liabilities including lawsuits.  Unbelievable.

He remained in this stance yesterday.  My L began the conference by berating SW.  I had never seen SW so pale.  His L did not return the favor.  We managed to get through the financial issues with a large percentage awarded in my favor, he still felt entitled to more.  There has been some money coming in from the sale of an asset and when asked why he hadn't shared the proceeds with me, he actually tried to convince everyone in the room that he had handed me envelopes full of cash on a few occasions this past summer and I wasn't admitting to it!  He's a miserable liar.  My L, his L, and the paralegal that was also present were obviously disgusted with this statement, their facial expressions said it all. 

SW then made the statement that I was purposely keeping D16 from him (she tries to visit but every time is either grilled about me, disgusted with his behavior, or upset by his blaming, etc.) and that I am "badmouthing" him to the children and wants language in the settlement to specify that further badmouthing be grounds for contempt and that I have to actively encourage D16 to spend 2 hours EOW with him.  I let all in the room know that I have been actively encouraging and that this will continue to be a difficult task.  SW's L said he knows I am doing my best but will include the wording because his client wishes to do so.

The sticking point was and still is that SW indemnifies me from all current and future lawsuits and judgements (we're talking hundreds of thousands, folks).  He got us into this horrible mess, he should have to pay the piper.  We have insurmountable evidence against him and my L told SW and his L that he would be happy to take this issue to trial if need be and represent me PRO BONO.  SW actually jumped as though he had been slapped in the face. 

The settlement papers are being typed up today for my review and SW will be given a deadline.  Time to pray, cross fingers, do a rain dance, whatever.

[Her Mama]

Fingers, Toes, Eyes... all crossed and hopefully this will all be resolved.  Make sure he is forced to take your name off the debt.  I learned the hard way that in my divorce decree, a statement of being "held harmless" for the debt meant nothing.  As a result, there is a lien on my home for debt that J was held responsible for in our divorce.  Ya live and ya learn I guess.

[Fabelli]

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you too.

On a practical note - you can't be a 50% owner of business #2 if you never signed anything (like a subscription for shares, etc), so don't let the threat of lawsuits regarding that business carry too much weight with you.

Fab

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[Jeffree]

Sweet fancy Moses, Jewlsie! You're doing great.

We have insurmountable evidence against him and my L told SW and his L that he would be happy to take this issue to trial if need be and represent me PRO BONO.  SW actually jumped as though he had been slapped in the face. 

The settlement papers are being typed up today for my review and SW will be given a deadline.  Time to pray, cross fingers, do a rain dance, whatever.

Oh, yeah. Here comes his signature. "Happy to take this to trial" and L will represent you "Pro Bono"?

Case fricken closed!

It's just a waiting game with these BPDs. Once they have to pay the piper...see a judge, they shut up toot sweet.

Is this the settlement of the finances and custody will be treated separately?

It's hard to type with all my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you.

--J

[Jewls]

Nothing is settled until all is settled, Jeffree.  We are going to revisit custody/visitation, etc., at a later date because it's such a sensitive, separate issue.  For now, everything will remain the same.  I will continue to document and watch closely.  My L and I agreed that any changes will result in Stinky working overtime on the alienation and the kids just don't need the extra drama right now.

Thanks for all the crossing everyone!

[safetyfirst]

Woo Hoo! Sounds like 2008 is ramping up to have some positive results for us here on the board...Praying it continues!  Son's custody issue is heading in a positive direction, too!

Hallelujah!

[doc101]

WOW Jewls...WOW...did I say WOW

I am happy for you. It's coming full circle. Just a matter of time. Keep doing what your doing. I'm am so proud to feal your confidence growing through your posts. You can beat him Jewls and you will.

The pallor in his face..That was the sudden slap of the realization that you will fight to keep youself from taking the blame for his finacial and legal failures.

Just for my own curiosity...If you are deemed "not liable" legally, what has your lawyer said about criminal charges against SW? Also, what are the implications with the IRS? Any provable fraud? Any chance of stinky going to the pokey?

[funefarm4]

Wow. 

I am so keeping my fingers crossed for you.  Hoping it all works out and that you'll be closing this chapter of your life soon.

 

[JoannaK]

Keep on keepin' on, Jewls.

I can't believe that the L said he would go to trial Pro bono..  that was quite an offer.  I hope Stinky will agree to your terms... eventually.  

[Jewls]

I was extremely surprised but pleased to hear my L say pro bono.  He's from an international firm and his fee is high.  He told me afterwards it's about the principal.  This was the first time he met Stinky and he said he was even worse than he imagined.

Last night was Stinky's visitation.  D8 was sick yesterday and was still sick this morning so we met and exchanged.  She told me she was feeling horrible last night but "daddy made me go look at a house he wants to buy."  She said it was "very big like the house we used to live in but the pool is outside instead of inside."  Monday, SW's L was explaining how much SW needed some cash from this settlement because he's broke and needs it to live.  How does a man so poverty-stricken suddenly have the means to buy a house of this magnitude? 

He's stinky, nasty, slime...

[Her Mama]

Hidden assets?  How do you know for sure he blew the money and didn't just put it in an account?  Perhaps in a friend or family members name?  I would definitely let your lawyer know about this, before things are finalized.

[Jewls]

Who knows with him.  I did email my laywer.  I'm not settling until all feels right.

[funefarm4]

Hmmm...me smells something Stinky.

Jewls, we went thru the same thing, on a smaller scale of course with my ex.  He went apt shopping. Too poor to pay this and that mind you, can't cover health insurance, but he can afford to move out of state.  Turned out that it was all a ploy.  Signed the lease and everything.

In your case, could it be a Stink Meister game? 

[crystal]

Jewls.

fingers crossed.  All sounds very very promising.  Keep strong and stay the path. He will not doubt create a hiccup (or hurricane) but I think you can outlast it!

Crystal

[Jeffree]

How does a man so poverty-stricken suddenly have the means to buy a house of this magnitude?

Any chance he is dissociating even futher from reality and really doesn't have the means?

Could he be playing a game using your D8 to piss you off?

Maybe he's hidden lots of money and getting away with it.

Who knows with him? He's a sicko.

--J

[JoannaK]

A selfish careless npd/aspd type can go through a huge amount of money in a relatively short period of time, especially if there isn't adequate income.  I think that Stinky is also very good at talking people into things, such as perhaps loaning him money that he shouldn't be loaned.  The other big house is in foreclosure?  Or he could just be "looking" so as to sound like a big shot when he talks to potential customers or associates:  "I'm going to be buying a house in such-and-such neighborhood as soon as I get everything worked out with the exh (you know what a b she is; keeping this going for all of this time)...   great neighborhood over there, good schools, great neighbors.  The house has bla bla bla."  

But, I agree, Jewls, don't settle unless you are fairly comfortable that the creep isn't hiding money in a Swiss bank account ... or some such.

So your L thought he was that repulsive?  

[Jewls]

Any chance he is dissociating even futher from reality and really doesn't have the means?

Could he be playing a game using your D8 to piss you off?

Jeffree and JK, I'm erring more on the side of game-playing and BS.  He is truly not capable of letting money sit in a bank account for long periods of time, it's just too out of character for him.

[Jeffree]

I have shared my ex's own grandiose thinking from the past. But here's a refresher.

In 2006, she took over the NYC territory and walked into the potential to make $735K if she closed the deals that were in her territory. That is part of the reason I believe she up and left. She didn't want to share. So, I was originally defending my honor, but also looking to split 50-50 the proceeds of those sales considering the huge sacrifices I made to support her career while we were married. Her case was in part set up to discredit my contributions so she wouldn't have to share.

So what wound up happening? She closed one deal worth $1.5 million instead of the $8 million that was out there and she got fired for that and having an affair with her boss...oh, and spending $56K in corporate travel expenses to fund her affair. Once there was nothing of much financial worth to protect, she cut her losses and settled.

The lesson? They're insane.

But, no, really...get what you need to get by and forget the rest, Jewls. Chances are there isn't anything there worth fighting over, and who cares what more you could possibly squeeze out of him as long as you can get by with what's been settled on?

The thing about BPDs is they are masters at using what we want--fairness, to be heard, to control the situation, money, vindication, custody, etc.--against us. Meanwhile, all they want is to control and destroy us and we often give them the fricken keys.

Take back all the keys and let him rot in tarnation.

--J

[funefarm4]

But, no, really...get what you need to get by and forget the rest, Jewls. Chances are there isn't anything there worth fighting over, and who cares what more you could possibly squeeze out of him as long as you can get by with what's been settled on?

The thing about BPDs is they are masters at using what we want--fairness, to be heard, to control the situation, money, vindication, custody, etc.--against us. Meanwhile, all they want is to control and destroy us and we often give them the fricken keys.

Take back all the keys and let him rot in tarnation.

Wow.  Now that is wisdom.  Such truth and applicable in many situations.  Jeffree--I'm going to print this out, save it, and see how I may be giving my ex "the keys" so to speak.

I know in my case the house was the big thing.  HUGE.  He was so convinced I'd never leave if he just wouldn't let it be sold etc.Wouldn't give me back any of my possessions either.  And so, we messed around for years, and spent almost as much as the equity and I signed over the rights to the house and walked away. Mourned the loss of the baby pictures, the family heirlooms etc and gave it all over to God.  Relatives, friends all bashed me.  What the HELL was I thinking to give him the house while the kids and I were in a 2nd story apartment? Did I know that great great great grandma brought that over from England? I knew what I was thinking.  I wanted my life back. I realized that my sanity and my life were worth more than equity and things. Yup, it stung, but I decided I didn't want to play anymore.  I let him keep the ball and the bat and went home.

You know, the karma bus came for him 2 months later.  We lived on the top of a hill and the rains came, the farmers field on the hill in the back of our house got flooded and a wall of mud came in and destroyed the foundation. The house was cracked in 2 and condemned. All the possessions I gave up for gone really were gone.  Nothing could be done financially...since he hadn't kept up insurance... :

Now who's in the apartment?  >:D

Thanks for posting Jeffree

[Jewls]

...and gave it all over to God.  Relatives, friends all bashed me.  What the HELL was I thinking to give him the house while the kids and I were in a 2nd story apartment? Did I know that great great great grandma brought that over from England? I knew what I was thinking.  I wanted my life back. I realized that my sanity and my life were worth more than equity and things. Yup, it stung, but I decided I didn't want to play anymore.  I let him keep the ball and the bat and went home.

This is where I'm at.  There are those close to me who think it's insane that he be allowed anything, then there are those who know how exhausted I am and understand.  That karma bus will be following Stinky, oh yes it will, and I will be able to sit in my place of peace and watch it run him over.