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Author Topic: Is there is a correlation between BPD and physical beauty?  (Read 2242 times)
gotbushels
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« Reply #20 on: March 22, 2016, 12:27:46 PM »

While there are good points in the thread, I don't think there's a good statistical link between attractiveness (absolute) and BPD.

Also, the research about BPD causes being nature/nurture during childhood seems much more causally persuasive. Even though there is simply more volume of research in nature/nurture as cause. Attractiveness on its own doesn't make sense to cause BPD. Attractive men or women being difficult is not BPD. Also I do believe pwBPD traits + pwBPD would seek relationships where power/control comes to them easier.
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tryingsome
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« Reply #21 on: March 22, 2016, 11:19:18 PM »

I find that pwBPD are no more physical attractive than the rest of the population.
I'll give you a bit of story, though it might seem self centered.

when I first met my ex I was not physically attracted to her. actually she was the least attractive person I ever dated. Though she did have a nice rack. She was also the pursuer (butI don't know if that has any bearing). All my close friends known for 20 years also did it find her particularly attractive. However I did know other people who found her very attractive. The difference, I  feel my friends were mentally healthy. The others were always a bit peculiar. After six years together and at the end, I found her attractiveness irresistable. I wanted her every night.

It makes me think that the attractiveness to each other has to do with our mental makeup. I was/am a pretty far shell of what I was before. And looking at the pictures throughout the years she suddenly did not become more physically attractive.
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wundress
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« Reply #22 on: April 11, 2016, 06:50:39 AM »

My first thought was "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

I think the theory of physical beauty is that the more symmetrical a person's face is, the more attractive it is to humans. If you look at nature most things we find beautiful are also symmetrical.

My wife has been described as "striking" but she wouldn't win any beauty pageants.

I would find it odd if there was some evidence that people with bpd had a higher incidence of beauty under the symmetry classification of beauty. Only because I've read that mental disorders which have a genetic cause tend to cause anomalies in facial construction.

But then there is no evidence to show whether bpd is genetic or a result of nurture.

There is also a theory that we find people more attractive because of certain personality traits such as confidence. My understanding is that many people with bpd appear very self assured and confident. Even if a person was not physically beautiful could it be that they seem beautiful because of the bpd traits.
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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT

This board is intended for general questions about BPD and other personality disorders, trait definitions, and related therapies and diagnostics. Topics should be formatted as a question.

Please do not host topics related to the specific pwBPD in your life - those discussions should be hosted on an appropraite [L1] - [L4] board.

You will find indepth information provided by our senior members in our workshop board discussions (click here).

Cat Familiar
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« Reply #23 on: April 11, 2016, 09:26:25 AM »

Another thought on attractiveness and BPD is that pwBPD, in my experience, are very self-focused, a polite way to say narcissistic. And because of that, they tend to think about how they look and how they present themselves. It's likely that because they are so needy and fearful of rejection, that they pay more attention to their appearance than the average person. So that might account for being perceived as more attractive.
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Notwendy
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« Reply #24 on: April 11, 2016, 12:19:30 PM »

That is an interesting point Cat. I care about my appearance in the general sense, but I am perfectly fine running errands in workout clothes and no makeup. I try to stay active, not just from a vanity point, but as a necessity to stay healthy- but I am not obsessed with it. I watch what I eat for health reasons too, but again, not an obsession. I tend to choose athletic, comfortable clothing. I will dress appropriately at work, but like to be casual otherwise.

My BPD mom on the other hand is meticulous and will not leave the house unless she looks perfect. She is Saks Fifth Avenue and and I am LL Bean. She can spend a whole day in the beauty salon while I just shower and be on my way. Now, my H is more concerned with how he dresses, and looks in public than I am. Very triggering for me as the comparison with mom.

Looking good was a big concern of my mother- and she still looks great. I don't know if it is that it was not my only focus or I so didn't want to be like her that I focused on other things.
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tryingtohelp
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« Reply #25 on: April 11, 2016, 05:54:21 PM »

I have often wondered about this very subject ,  a good question....... and in my own case my diagnosed BPD SO , is EXTREMELY attractive, the sort of looks that she can use to manipulate males to do almost anything  for her, I have witnessed it ! 
She gets away with bad behaviour that ordinary people would have no hope of doing!
I will give an example.. I was with her in her car , she was driving, with her baby in the back seat, driving at high speed  (she was in a bad mood of course)  well over the speed limit, and a police car pulled her over,  he took one look at her an melted,  I kid you not,  he let her off and was very kind to her ,  if that was me driving I would have got a huge fine and a ticket.
I can give dozens of other examples.  Other women don't like her, and aren't taken in by her appearance of course, and I notice on the whole, she doesn't like other women.
But when it comes to males , she has got them on a stick, if she was fat with a big nose, none of this would be happening.
Her appearance is a huge blank cheque , except with her female employer,  she got the sack yesterday LOL.

Some time ago I visited a counsellor , who is experienced with BPD patients, and I asked him about his experience re- BPD women and appearance, he said in his experience nearly all of them he has dealt with over the years have been very attractive. Interesting.

What I am noticing now that she is 34 and starting to look older, she is becoming very aware that this attribute is fragile, and I often wonder what will become of her when her looks fade, as this is all she has , when this happens, she will no longer be the 'movie star' and people will not tolerate her antics, this will be very hard for her to deal with.  I watched her face a few weeks ago as she was watching some young women , students in their early 20's , she had a look of absolute hatred towards them , they were young and happy,  she was glaring at them with a look that would have burned paint off wood.  Devilish  Jealousy ?

The whole subject re- beautiful women and BPD is fascinating for sure and there appears to be more about it that simple coincidence. Maybe worth some research?

 rolleyes




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snowmonkey
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« Reply #26 on: April 11, 2016, 09:44:18 PM »

Hi Tryingtohelp,

I wrote this question a while ago and there was quite a hotly contested debate on it at the time. I still find this question very interesting and more importantly a useful topic for the NON in gaining insight into the dynamics of our relationships with pwBPD.
That said, for those whom I came into conflict before, I have no desire to renew that conflict, I think we all have enough conflict in our lives already.

View points varied from those in complete agreement, to those who thought that pwBPD were not more attractive in general but
chose partners who were less attractive and thus appeared more attractive, and some who argued that pwBPD were in fact less physically attractive in general.

It would take a significant amount of research (given my experiences and the weight of anecdotal evidence) to convince me that female pwBPD are not more attractive on average than other women.

Some time ago this topic was actually split and some posts lost (deleted) when the debate was going. But, at the time I did find some research that indicates there is something in this:

"Early predictors of emerging features of borderline personality disorder in adolescence"

This is only one piece of research but well worth a read. The other very interesting theme that comes out of this work is that there is substantial difference between the development of the male and female pwBPD. That is, attractiveness is a useful predictor of BPD in women but not in men. Perhaps this goes some way to explain the difference in rates of diagnosis between males and females with BPD.

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Notwendy
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« Reply #27 on: April 12, 2016, 04:39:20 AM »

But when it comes to males , she has got them on a stick,


I have watched men turn into a puddle of mush around my mother, but not all men.

These are men who are receptive to my mother's flirtations and behaviors.

What may be more helpful than considering the attractiveness of someone with BPD is the being attracted to someone with BPD. It is said, we choose a partner who matches us emotionally in some ways. This is beyond appearance.

Being in a relationship with an attractive person with BPD may have it's high points, but if someone wants to have a different kind of relationship, then it would take some personal work to make that change.
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Notwendy
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« Reply #28 on: April 12, 2016, 06:22:00 AM »

For instance, let's say two women are at a party. Both are attractive. One is nicely dressed, the other wearing something "hot". Woman #1 looks at you and smiles. Woman #2 looks at you just a little longer with a "come hither" look. Not saying either one has BPD or not or that either of them is going to want to go home with a guy that night. However, a man looking to get lucky is more likely to assess the situation and decide that he is more likely to succeed with woman #2. A man who is seeking a stable relationship may spend some time talking to both of them, to get to know them better before taking the next step.

If part of the thrill of the BPD relationship is that it moves fast, and hot, then a guy who is seeking that may find himself in a hot fast relationship with someone with BPD because he has in a sense, screened his potential prospects already. Not all women who are fast and hot have BPD, but since some BPD relationships tend to start this way, he may have encountered more of them than someone who waits to get to know someone first.

The point being is that initial lust and attraction are part of the relationship attraction, but things can get hot and heavy before each person knows each other well. That takes time. Someone who takes the time to get to know someone longer may realize there are problems before getting very involved.

If someone finds themselves having had several relationships with pwBPD that start out fast and hot, then one needs to consider that this is a part of their own attraction process. A guy looking for a stable relationship may not show as much interest in that aspect of meeting people.
« Last Edit: April 12, 2016, 06:27:26 AM by Notwendy » Logged
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