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Author Topic: Do pwBPD have violent tendencies?  (Read 366 times)
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« on: August 19, 2014, 11:25:52 PM »

Someone mentioned on another thread that BPDs do not have violent tendencies and I wondered if this is true.  

My uBPDexh scares the crap out of me.  I have not witnessed anything terribly violent but I believe he is capable, his black and white thinking, believing 'an eye for an eye' and with this jealousy and possessiveness he showed throughout our r/s I always worried that he might stalk me or hurt someone new in my life.  He did threaten that if he had ever found me with another man he'd give him the lead treatment.

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« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2014, 12:33:12 AM »

Yes they can be.  I would guess that a lot of physical abusers might have BPD, but I don't necessarily think having BPD makes you a physical abuser.  pwBPD are impulsive as hell anyway so if they have a violent streak or history of substance abuse too watch out.
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« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2014, 02:31:30 AM »

I think BPD's mostly scare people because they want to control the fear in you.

Mine did stalk me for a while after I fled, and I was always afraid he would come kill me when I least expected it, simply because he could be violent when in a rage.

Fortunately by establishing "no contact" in my part,  he moved onto easier targets.


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« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2014, 05:39:47 AM »

I don't think that violence is a marker of the disorder, although of course pwBPD can be violent as anyone can. Some pwBPD I'm sure aren't that way inclined.

My xBPDbf was, without a doubt - he had an incredibly violent past and confessed he enjoyed hurting people. He was never physically violent to me (he said never women or children), but I'd argue that his treatment of me was psychologically violent.

On the other hand, he didn't have the markers of impulsive spending, gambling etc. He was addicted to working out, I know that much, but I think his impulsivity manifested as physical aggression. It could be road-rage or anything like that.
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« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2014, 02:37:40 PM »

I lived the exact same thing, and I went to a therapist. He didn't want to consider my ex as a BPD because he never saw him, but he told me the only thing this kind of people want is to scare you, so they can control you. My xBPDbf used to stalk me and I really though I was in danger. But now, he finally got a new girlfriend ! I don't know what to think, sometimes I'm still afraid and I understand how you feel. But I think my therapist was right ; those people need to control their partner and if they can't control you, they'll find an easier victim. I couldn't believe it was possible but he did move on.

I know it's very hard, but we all need to forgive, forget and move on  Welcome!
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« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2014, 03:34:34 PM »

the only thing this kind of people want is to scare you, so they can control you.

those people need to control their partner and if they can't control you, they'll find an easier victim.

From my experience this is true.  My exbpdh managed to control me quite successfully for a while as my kids were young and I relied on him financially and didn't have the freedom to go out much.  He also controlled my kids, (by using physical violence, as I later found out).  The problems really started when my son became older and bigger.  My ex suddenly had a real thing against my son and blamed him for every little problem we had.  He even looked for faults and took any opportunity to have a go at my son.  Eventually he went too far and the police became involved after he beat my son.  This was when we separated.

At this point my ex just found somebody else.  Even though I was stupid enough to believe we could still work things out, he just replaced me without a second thought.  Strangely, (or maybe predictably) he has replaced me with a woman who will be very reliant on him financially.  She has also moved from her own country to be with him so she is now very dependent on him.  She also comes from a culture where women are very much second class to men and are often physically abused by their husbands.

I think he is probably over the moon to have found a woman like this!
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« Reply #6 on: August 28, 2014, 03:09:21 PM »

Little is known with violent behaviors and borderline personality disorder. A one year study shows co-morbidity must be developed with anti-social personality disorder (ASPD) and psychopathic characteristics. 73% showed violent behavior over a 12 month study.

Violent Behavior in Borderline Personality

Little is known about the nature and prevalence of interpersonal violence among individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Employing a longitudinal, multi-site sample, this study examined the degree to which BPD constitutes a risk marker for future violent behavior, and describes the characteristics of violent individuals with BPD and the nature of their violence. Findings showed that 73% of BPD subjects engaged in violence during the one-year study period, and frequently exhibited co-morbid antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and psychopathic characteristics. Reported violence was mostly characterized by disputes with acquaintances or significant others. Results also suggest that the shared variance among ASPD, psychopathy, and BPD served to diminish the independent predictive effect of BPD on violence. These findings point to violence as a serious and prevalent problem among individuals with BPD, for whom targeted violence reduction strategies that take into account ASPD and psychopathic co-morbidity must be developed.

Read More: http://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/pedi.2009.23.6.541

  “Be who you really are and go the whole way.” -Lao Tzu

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« Reply #7 on: Today at 11:04:28 AM »

This thread has been a sobering read.  Thank you all for sharing.
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