how many have had there children used to punish you by youre BPDx

[Think About It...]

 As the social workers here are not cognitive to that aspect of BPD please post and how the child has suffered.I will see to it they see the reply.3 years this has gone on and my son sinks deeper and deeper.

[LEO]

 As the social workers here are not cognitive to that aspect of BPD please post and how the child has suffered.I will see to it they see the reply.3 years this has gone on and my son sinks deeper and deeper.

[Fabelli]

You asked "Re: how many have had there children used to punish you by youre BPDx"

Well, I don't think I'm going out on a limb here to say "all of us".

Its awful and true and the impact on the kids is terrible.

Fab

[csandra]

Yes, it's the hypervigilance that I hate.  My life is better in that I do not have to deal with uNPDxh's problems on a daily basis but I still worry that he can hurt me where it will hurt the worst.  My kids are older (D16, S19) and can see through a lot of the BS but still, he is their dad and they want and need his love. Of course his love is more elusive and conditional.  They don't have to do much to know that I love them and am there for them.

 He does his worst damage when he is in his "used car salesman, Eddie Haskell mode".  He is like a little kid and wants everyone to be excited about what he is excited about.  They are all animated, encouraging when they talk to him.  I feel jealous.

I find myself worrying about things that never happen and then am blindsided by his "surprises".  He just moved into new home with gf.  They are buying all new furniture and have bedrooms for the kids, to be shared with her grandkids when they visit.  My house is always cluttered, I don't have money for special gifts and treats.  He complains bitterly about paying CS, yet now has a second income via gf.

 I worry that he will influence S19 to quit school, therefore he won't owe CS.  Oh, I am sure he will sweeten the deal with a car or something.  I hate when he takes up so many of my brain cells, still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

[LEO]

Casandra I see time at this point as critical.there is no doubt shes out to destroy him going back three years he got the black paint first.I am angry at the system that has failed him miserably.I will go over around and above.i will challenge it.anger will turn into action.Really don't think he can take much more.her sitting on a hundred pound pound kid hitting him with her fist is unacceptable.then they come back with he said she said I asked him it was fist.i know the child I raised and the so called social workers said his word againt hers when she has a history of violence.so hes under house arrest with the the one who has destroyed him?is there somewhere in print that shows they go after the kids so i may educate these PROFESSIONALS

[salt]

The book Understanding the Borderline Mother is very clear in describing the effects of a BPD mother on her children.  It is written by Christina Lawson and would be a credible source of information for the professionals. 

[LEO]

salt i will go to the library tomorrow and and if they dont have it will got to inter library loan.it would be good for co parenting parents to show the knot heads thanks

[kellaroo]

my ubpexh used my kids from the second we split.

1.  told kids he couldn't visit with them as too sad because of what their mom did to him.

2.  told kids their mom is taking all his money from him (child support) so he has to work extra and will not be able to visit with them.


3.  when did decide to visit would tell kids he is so sad because their mom split our family apart and it was all my fault.

4.  told kids that I had affair with guys friends and thats why we are not together  (untrue)

5.  told daughter that when she was young I pushed her in a fire and burned her (untrue)

6.  told kids they can not trust me as I am a liar and I didn't have the job that I said I did  (untrue)

7.  told kids he hated me and his dad.  then told kids about his attempted plan to murder his dad causing daughter to not hate me but fear him and not visit anymore.

8.  played son against daughter after she decided not to visit anymore.  They fought ever single time son came home from a visit with his dad for several weeks.

9.  told them I keep them from him even though he refused a "schedule" for visits for almost 2 years post separation...then refused weekend visits for another year.   It was his choice. 

10.  I would talk to him about consistency and seeing kids because it was tearing them inside to go 6 - 8 weeks with no contact.  He would not visit knowing it hurt me to see them hurt.  and then tell kids it was my fault he didn't.

11.  To this day tries to get son to "go live with him" and allows him whatever he wants when he asks for it.  Suggests extra visits knowing I will only follow the order dur to past conflict...making me out to be the bad guy, once again.

My kids are the most important thing to me and he knows it.  He has used them as pawns in HIS game since day one of separation.   Its pathetic and sad.

[csandra]

my ubpexh used my kids from the second we split.

[b]Interesting in that we had been separated for 10 months prior to my filing for divorce.  I was shocked that things could change so drastically when HE was the one who wanted the divorce.  During the 10 months that we were separated, it was business as usual except that dad didn't live with us and they would go to stay with him a few days during the week.  Once I filed ...WOW...abandonment issues really  kicked in.[/color][/b]
8.  played son against daughter after she decided not to visit anymore.  They fought ever single time son came home from a visit with his dad for several weeks.

This is SO painful for me, when it happens.  He told D16 that she was his "favorite".  Treats S19 like he is a peer, gave him use of his apartment for a weekend last Spring so Sthen18 could spend night with gf for Prom (without my knowledge or consent).

9.  told them I keep them from him even though he refused a "schedule" for visits for almost 2 years post separation...then refused weekend visits for another year.   It was his choice. 

I mistakenly "gave" him extra parenting time at mediation, only to have him not take any of the extra days.  It was merely to reduce CS.  He never has followed the parenting plan...always brings them back home 6 hours early, used to be as much as an hour late with pick up.  Of course kids would not say...no dad, we won't see you if you won't be on time.

My kids are the most important thing to me and he knows it.  He has used them as pawns in HIS game since day one of separation.   Its pathetic and sad.

Yes, and what is really bad is that I try not to let on how very much the PAS would affect me...to either him or the kids.  If he knew how I really felt, he would really kick it up a notch.

[Her Mama]

Little Bit and her siblings suffered terribly at the hands of their BPD mother.  Physical, mental, and sexual abuse, neglect, abandonment... their very most basic needs (those being safety, food, clothing, a place to live) were not met.  Physically, she was not the one to abuse them but she allowed and encouraged others to do so, for her own gain, then emotionally negected them when they would turn to her for protection.

Only the child taken from her at 11 days of age was able to avoid the horrors of her parenting.

The other three will have physical and emotional scars that will last their lifetimes.

[LEO]

four years ago when i took care of him worked while he was at school.he was perfect ab report cards,very funny and happy proud of his newspaper route never in a fight,never sent to the principal,one teacher said if she had every student were like him she would be in teacher heaven.four years this coming june she and her fellow activist on a trip to Poland bonded.Upon her return all she could do is talk about him . the detachment from the family began,three years ago i came back after one week in the next state building a activist retreat she insisted,that was requested  july seventh less than two weeks after her Poland trip.It was crazy as her over spending didnt leave money for basics often,I asked why dont the activist build it?in a call she said he wouldn't go to school.I came home friday night as planned to find him a wreck with in days he threatened suicide?I freaked out she had left with her activist friend for a one week trip.i called her no answer,held his hand told the assistant principal.had him in his pediatrician in 3 hours who said he was in a highly agitated state.an appointment was made with the best counselor in this town.went home got her on the phone she said her one week trip would be ten days?the old mom would have been on the next plane home.no questions as to why were asked?upon her arrival home within 48 hours she screamed at him till he would ball.why are social workers so STUPID  shes spokenserval times on focus  on the family my worry and seeing him go down is far worse than    up into a fetal position crying i got between them from then till now not one year of school completed.the house becoming hell.now he goes to court carrying a knife to school homicidal and suicidal after she beat him.I did everything possible to get to the powers that be to help.three years of torture for him why?i raised him from the hospital.three long years of pleading for help in vain.every time the school started seeing him as her victim she threatened to bring in national lawyers. they buckled :'(the counselor said in my absence he was neglected.she called and screamed at him a hour threat to sue im sure,court order he see that counselor and his same pediatrician nope contempt 2 cases contemt,a Internet post looking for swingers hurt like hell listing as divorced while still married?250 mile radius"must be willing to take chances?marital status unimportant?like a knife in my heart but it was what i needed to forget her the only way she can hurt me now is through  my son its like when I  saw the post but a thousand times worse i feel if it stopped soon he will be beyond repair or dead.ps  she does radio broadcast for focus on the family from time to time. I will legally end this if i have to sell cabin all.her Internet post is going out in mass the system failed him miserably

[duet_4-8]

My exh's favorite method of controlling me was to threaten one of our kids in some way.  Not with physical harm, but threaten to stop paying for this or that, or take this or that away from them, or tell them something about me. 

I'm almost a year out, they are grown men, and he still does it.  He hurts them to try to get a rise out of me, or tells them some outrageous tale to try to make them question me, or insists on telling them why every rotten thing he ever did was my fault.  a$$hole 

Sorry.  I'm not feeling very compassionate tonite...

[LEO]

duet_48-8 That hits it same deal just add destroy me and that I hold dear.sadly the youngest is 14.