OK... this is a new one... ever have your childs luggage held hostage?

[Think About It....]

Funny how clothes seem to be such an issue. I learnt never to send the kids to their father or grandparents in anything that wasn't from a thrift shop.  Anything new or nice would come back ruined - paint, grease etc. I used to send the kids with a nice outfit in case they went shopping or something, but no, that would be worn while the car was being degreased.

So I learnt - tough on the girls but until they got older and learnt when it was appropriate to wear good clothes that was the way it was.
Washing was another one - always came back with the dirty, preferably wet, clothes together with the clean ones hours late on a Sunday, knowing full well that I washed on the weekend and would start work Mondays. I often washed and dried late on a Monday because in the tropics you can't leave wet stuff around. the only time they ever came back washed was when he wanted something - half dry, nicely folded, couldn't finish the job because he needed to get the kids back on time (a one and only).  So it wasn't like he wasn't capable.  It was all a wind up.
I just refused to play.
Rose

[Rose1]

Funny how clothes seem to be such an issue. I learnt never to send the kids to their father or grandparents in anything that wasn't from a thrift shop.  Anything new or nice would come back ruined - paint, grease etc. I used to send the kids with a nice outfit in case they went shopping or something, but no, that would be worn while the car was being degreased.

So I learnt - tough on the girls but until they got older and learnt when it was appropriate to wear good clothes that was the way it was.
Washing was another one - always came back with the dirty, preferably wet, clothes together with the clean ones hours late on a Sunday, knowing full well that I washed on the weekend and would start work Mondays. I often washed and dried late on a Monday because in the tropics you can't leave wet stuff around. the only time they ever came back washed was when he wanted something - half dry, nicely folded, couldn't finish the job because he needed to get the kids back on time (a one and only).  So it wasn't like he wasn't capable.  It was all a wind up.
I just refused to play.
Rose

[AKnightInTheMaking]

This just in from Ex's L:

I have sent this to Ex and will get back to you with her comments.  In the meantime, I know that the parties exchanged the child outside the in front of the security area, not at the gate.  As for the clothing, it is my understanding that the child was ill and in order to exchange the comfortably (for the child) exchange the child, Ex flew with a carry on with several outfits for the child and no luggage.  Ex had to work yesterday and today and so she will be able to mail D2's belongings back to Knight tomorrow. 

Additionally, we would like to address the issue that when D2 is in Ex's care, it may happen that she could need medical assistance.  In order to have any treatment, Ex would likely need Knight to document that Ex may do so while D2 is in her care.  For example, if D2 has an ear infection that requires her to see a doctor or if she needed emergency medical attention.  We would ask for Knight to sign an authorization for medical treatment while D2 is in Ex's care.  Please advise if Knight will agree to the same.  Thank you.



So... let me get this straight... in order for D2 to be comfortable from the time it takes to exit the car and walk to curbside luggage check-in... she decided to skip that pesky step all together.  After all, it makes much more sense to deprive her child of the majority of her clothes for over a week rather than be inconvenience for 5 minutes..

(should be read: Ex is a lazy heifer that shouldn't be expected to endure the inconvenience of working out the logistics required in rolling a carry-on with a small dufflebag secured on top of it while being expected to walk with a two year old more than 30 feet at the same time.  Clearly this was beyond the capabilities of this woman.  Just one more example of why I have sole custody.)

Just warms the | please read |les of my heart (whatever they are... they're toasty) to know that she is at least going to have to pay some hefty postage on it.  Next... boo hoo... no money for child support.  Yada yada.  Same ol' song and dance.


Alas... back at the castle...

Right now we have 2 sets of pj's that we keep reusing and washing, one pair of shoes, and a some backup clothes that are a little small but do the trick.  Trying not to resort to wearing and destroying dress clothes.  Boy have we learned a lesson.


Luckily my SO wrote down all that was in the suitcase:

1 pink Pooh Bear blanket, 1 jean jacket, 1 multicolored jacket, 1 pink winter coat and 1 snowsuit, 7 pj's, 17 pants, 19 shirts, 1 dress, 13 pair socks, 5 sweaters, pooh bear hat and gloves, 4 panties, 1 black pantyhose, 5 pair of shoes.  My mother also added 1 blue sweat suit outfit,  1 white pants / 1 aqua top with hood fleece outfit, 4 onesies, 1 black sweater, 1 dark tan cord pants, and 1 cream colored long sleeved shirt.




So... now that seems to be resolved...

How is this release for medical attention going to bite me in the arse?  Any thoughts? Concerns?  Experiences?  Jokes?  Funny stories? Rants?

Thanks all,

-Knight

[Oy-vey!]

Knight,

How are the orders written in terms of medical care (NOT decision making, but for obtaining care)?

As a parent, the x (even without any custodial rights) should ALREADY have the right to seek and obtain care under emergent conditions - such as an ear infection.

Should the MD want/need written permission, then the MD at x's location should just call you and you can authorize it.  End of issue.

Advise opposing counsel that the MD can call you to discuss medical treatment.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

[Matt]

Your SO must be amazing to think of making such a list of the clothes that went with your daughter!

Why not e-mail that list to your X, or her lawyer, to make sure she sends it all?  (And they'll both notice that you and your SO are on top of things!)

Best wishes,

Matt

[safetyfirst]

Are you protected financially if she decides to take your D to the ER just for the heck of it and have them send you the bill?

[happygirl]

Heh,heh, heh  . . .

Your SO must be amazing to think of making such a list of the clothes that went with your daughter!

Matt, you have no idea how we secondary nons have figured this game out and think of these things before hand.  This is our life, managing these types of games.  It is sad to say.

Knight, your ex doesn't need permission to take daughter to a doctor for an emerging condition.

 Don't sign anything else away on this until you have considered the ramifications, this is just them being stupid.  IN our situation, Joho had to be stopped from taking her older sons to the emergency room.  The judge told her that she had to pay for them herself because she loved the attention of it and would do it continually . . . the judge told her she was on her own and responsible for the bills if she continued to do it.

HG

[Matt]

Heh,heh, heh  . . .

Your SO must be amazing to think of making such a list of the clothes that went with your daughter!

Matt, you have no idea how we secondary nons have figured this game out and think of these things before hand.  This is our life, managing these types of games.

I need a secondary non!

Matt

[happygirl]

I need a secondary non!

 

I believe that we are indespensable!  At least, that is what I tell Walt every day.

HG

[nowwhat]

Combine all that with a DISASTROUS, DORKY haircut, ...It baffles me, because she is soooooo extremely appearance-conscious for herself, but yet cares absolutely nothing about the appearance of her kid.

One time the uBPDxw cut the ss10 hair herself...OMG, it was aweful!  I told ss, leave hair to the professionals.  I think she was irrated that I was suggesting to leave his bangs long, instead of 1-2 inches above his eyebrows. 

We ended up taking him for an expensive hair cut to make it look half-way decent.

Now she is buying/sending him here in adult med. That is the same size my non-h wears...he is swimming in the shirts.

[Mr. M]

In the absence of a real-life secondary non, I would offer that these forums ARE your "substitute secondary non."   

[Major_Dad]

I need a secondary non!

Matt
[/quote]

Me too! We need to add a personals forum to FTF! 

Let's face it, only we can truly understand each other.     

[AKnightInTheMaking]

Update...

Apparently the luggage was delivered on Monday. 


I say apparently because the dumb cow mailed it to the wrong address.  I guess one of my neighbors has it...


Great.


-Knight

[kellaroo]

Good gawd...what a joke.  Its almost funny how screwed up it all is.  PRobably not for you guys.  Glad you will get it soon.

[safetyfirst]

Personally, I don't believe it was the 'wrong' address.  I think she did it on purpose to make it more difficult for you while at the same time being able to say, "I sent it right away.  I must have made mistake with the address.  It was accidental."

[copperfield]

Both of my girls go to Catholic School and I have to send them to her house with the uniforms that I have for my house due to me taking them to school on Monday and the BPD Gma picking them up.  When they return to my house, the uniforms are as they were when they got home that previous monday.  Kool Aid stains and what ever else they got into that day at school.  I just grin and wash them, never giving her the satisfaction of thinking she got the best of me.  There was a time once where she refused to give me the uniforms during the exchange and then after I drove off she calls my house and tells my wife that I FORGOT the uniforms.  Of course the wfie is hip to her illness and just blows her off.  It was only after she realized that I would keep them at home the next day without uniforms did she contact me and get me the uniforms. 

[happygirl]

It was only after she realized that I would keep them at home the next day without uniforms did she contact me and get me the uniforms.   

A parallel parenting guideline to avoid this type of manipulation:  double up on all uniforms if at all possible.  I know that there is a cost but the relief that it provides for the kids is immense and not having to deal with them is priceless.  Also, removing these items as power trips is another benefit if the cost can be afforded.

By having duplicate uniforms, you minimize these issues.  Of course, it does not take it away, but it is helpful if you can eliminate the stress for the kids.  It becomes unbearable for them should they inadvertantly leave an item at home and now it becomes the fight du jour.  Also, as the child becomes older, send them with a list of things that they need to be responsible to make sure to return.  Teach them about getting ready the night before, lining out their clothes.  These are responsibility skills that they need to learn anyway.

The same goes for ball uniforms, I would check with the coach, see if there is a standby uniform just in case something goes awry.  Often teams have extra uniforms,  check and see if there is and if it would fit your kid.  Ask the coach if she ( )/he wouldn't mind carrying it with the equipment during the season.  Even better if they would check out an extra one to you.  Explain your situation and offer to place a deposit, if necessary.  Letting the coaches know your situation helps them understand your kid and their player.  It also opens the door just in case BPD psycho mother is working the crowds and the coaches' wives.

  A little bit of forethought and planning can eliminate a part of these games and makes your child safer and happier when they are with you.

HG

[LEO]

cell phone and computer with his time with me,he always brought them before?another little twist of the knife for us