Is he really gone for good?

[Think About It....]

Well it sure appears that way.  Has not seen his child since 12/25/06.  The last conversation on the phone he has had with her was 12/25/07.  Made a couple of attempted calls (late in the evening) since then, but left no message for her.
He is still paying his child support (thank the Lord), but he has stopped with all efforts of securing our child's health insurance, paying uninsured costs and reimbursing me for the interplan monthly cost.  I "think" he is still living on that island in the carribean.  I have no idea if he did get married to his latest bizarre relationship or not.       

No more "crazy" emails to me either.  Just nothing.

Considering his bizarre behaviors and life choices, I know it is truly for the best this way.  He has rambled so many times in the past that "he was going to drop off the face of the planet, never to be heard from again."  Maybe this time it is really going to happen?  My life is hard as a single parent but it is calm now.  I have no more of his lies, adulteries, empty promises, and rages to deal with.  But the reality is I do live with that ~holding my breath and waiting for the other shoe to drop~ fear.  Who knows where or when...with a borderline you can predict the unpredictability.

My child, who is seven, displays such levels of disgust for him with twinges of intermittent hurt because of all this.  He didn't just mislead me, he mislead her.  I want to just tar and feather him for that.  But given the history, the disorder, and the facts, I AM GRATEFUL HE IS GONE, however disappointed in him I am, and however sad it makes me feel with how he has conducted himself.  But I have fully come to terms with how sick he is in his logic and his rationalizing of things, his abuse of women/relations, his serial marriage proposals, constant job changes and moves.  Plus, I have not ruled out abuse of drugs/alcohol either.           

I know my situation is not really the norm here for you parents who deal with constant upheavil from your "borderline co-parent" (which are two words that should not be together).  But I know that this is far from over for me.

It is nerve racking to know that at some point, he will probably pop back in.  At this point, the long absentism is just too much to overcome.  I am not optimistic that anything normal will ever play out.  My wounds, my child's wounds, his "imagined" wounds are simply too monumental to think that he should even be in the picture on any level.  I have survived since 2002 with being a lone parent, I think that I can go all the way.  Heck, the hardest years were when she was much younger, that is when I could have used his help/co-parenting the most!  But again, I weathered it alone.

So, I do wonder though, is he really gone...?  Has he finally succumbed to his thinking and his disorder and has he opted out and "dropped off the face of the planet?"  Or, is he just waiting and lurking in the shadows?

oneflewover

P.S.  As a person who works in family law, it sickens me to think that there are no laws on the books that protect children from a parent who is absent from a child's life six consecutive months or longer.  I am seriously thinking of pushing for new legislation that protects parties and their children from having to deal with the upheavil of an absentee parent re-entering into that child's life after a long period of "unexcused" absence.  It is not right, it is not fair.  It is no way to live.       

[oneflewover]

Well it sure appears that way.  Has not seen his child since 12/25/06.  The last conversation on the phone he has had with her was 12/25/07.  Made a couple of attempted calls (late in the evening) since then, but left no message for her.
He is still paying his child support (thank the Lord), but he has stopped with all efforts of securing our child's health insurance, paying uninsured costs and reimbursing me for the interplan monthly cost.  I "think" he is still living on that island in the carribean.  I have no idea if he did get married to his latest bizarre relationship or not.       

No more "crazy" emails to me either.  Just nothing.

Considering his bizarre behaviors and life choices, I know it is truly for the best this way.  He has rambled so many times in the past that "he was going to drop off the face of the planet, never to be heard from again."  Maybe this time it is really going to happen?  My life is hard as a single parent but it is calm now.  I have no more of his lies, adulteries, empty promises, and rages to deal with.  But the reality is I do live with that ~holding my breath and waiting for the other shoe to drop~ fear.  Who knows where or when...with a borderline you can predict the unpredictability.

My child, who is seven, displays such levels of disgust for him with twinges of intermittent hurt because of all this.  He didn't just mislead me, he mislead her.  I want to just tar and feather him for that.  But given the history, the disorder, and the facts, I AM GRATEFUL HE IS GONE, however disappointed in him I am, and however sad it makes me feel with how he has conducted himself.  But I have fully come to terms with how sick he is in his logic and his rationalizing of things, his abuse of women/relations, his serial marriage proposals, constant job changes and moves.  Plus, I have not ruled out abuse of drugs/alcohol either.           

I know my situation is not really the norm here for you parents who deal with constant upheavil from your "borderline co-parent" (which are two words that should not be together).  But I know that this is far from over for me.

It is nerve racking to know that at some point, he will probably pop back in.  At this point, the long absentism is just too much to overcome.  I am not optimistic that anything normal will ever play out.  My wounds, my child's wounds, his "imagined" wounds are simply too monumental to think that he should even be in the picture on any level.  I have survived since 2002 with being a lone parent, I think that I can go all the way.  Heck, the hardest years were when she was much younger, that is when I could have used his help/co-parenting the most!  But again, I weathered it alone.

So, I do wonder though, is he really gone...?  Has he finally succumbed to his thinking and his disorder and has he opted out and "dropped off the face of the planet?"  Or, is he just waiting and lurking in the shadows?

oneflewover

P.S.  As a person who works in family law, it sickens me to think that there are no laws on the books that protect children from a parent who is absent from a child's life six consecutive months or longer.  I am seriously thinking of pushing for new legislation that protects parties and their children from having to deal with the upheavil of an absentee parent re-entering into that child's life after a long period of "unexcused" absence.  It is not right, it is not fair.  It is no way to live.