interuptions

[Think About It...]

does your BP interupt you while you are in the middle of talking or telling a story, by stating some random thought or observation?

Mine does, and it used to drive me nuts. I used to get insulted and become very quiet after  he did that. Rarely did he notice my sudden silence, since it gave him the opening he wanted to talk about things he wanted to discuss. But it left me feeling left out and lonely, like what I had to say wasn't important to him 

Now, I've changed my tactics. I don't shut up. I don't allow him to change the topic. I continue on talking as though he hadn't interupted me, and just keep talking and talking and talking. I now feel more in control and  much better for having gotten my words out. I don't feel so helpless and powerless, and I don't sulk in silence, wondering when/if he's going to realize that he was just rude towards me. It will never happen anyways, so maybe changing tactics by ignoring his statement and continueing on with my own will teach him to wait politely for a break to interupt.

 I am enjoying the feeling of taking some control back. >:D

[united for now]

does your BP interupt you while you are in the middle of talking or telling a story, by stating some random thought or observation?

Mine does, and it used to drive me nuts. I used to get insulted and become very quiet after  he did that. Rarely did he notice my sudden silence, since it gave him the opening he wanted to talk about things he wanted to discuss. But it left me feeling left out and lonely, like what I had to say wasn't important to him 

Now, I've changed my tactics. I don't shut up. I don't allow him to change the topic. I continue on talking as though he hadn't interupted me, and just keep talking and talking and talking. I now feel more in control and  much better for having gotten my words out. I don't feel so helpless and powerless, and I don't sulk in silence, wondering when/if he's going to realize that he was just rude towards me. It will never happen anyways, so maybe changing tactics by ignoring his statement and continueing on with my own will teach him to wait politely for a break to interupt.

 I am enjoying the feeling of taking some control back. >:D

[JoannaK]

I am enjoying the feeling of taking some control back. 

 

Good for you!  Actually, plenty of people interrupt and it doesn't feel good, but it is especially hard when the interrupter is your s.o.  My exh did interrupt much more than my bf (not a BPD), so I think it probably is more prevalent in BPD/npd types.

[ifsogirl26]

My hubby interupts me ALL the time. Especially at therapy, But I have started to say "Don't interupt me" then he shuts up and I can talk- not that it really stops him from interupting next time- oh well. This weekend he went to therapy where T went over emotional abuse with him and I am not too sure he "got" it, at home he was frustrated and couldn't find the remote and I said "calm down". Well he said that he will not direct his anger towards me but that T said it is okay to be angrey as long as he dosen't direct it at me and that this is the way he is and me saying calm down really irriatates him. Well okay, then later we bought some cologn and he had me smell it and I didn't like it that much- well he said that I have no taste, I said that is kind of an insult- he said well you can take it like that or you can take it as an innocent comment and move on. I still think that saying you have no taste is an insult. Overall the weekend was really good- only a few comments that bothered me a tiny bit- I know that I have to not let little things bother me and they didn't really get to me- I kept remembering that he is not in full control of himself. I definatly think the interupting is a BPD trait- PLUS he can't stand to have anyone interupt him

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YES, when I'm in an evil mood and he is in his twisted thinking stage, I also interupt him, sort of a payback kind of passive aggressive thing. I know I shouldn't, but when I'm upset, I let him know how it feels to be on the receiving end of things.  >:D

[StayingAfloat]

My wife interrupts me CONSTANTLY, and she is only NOW beginning to notice when she does it, even when I bring it up immediately.  For a while, I'd say "don't interrupt me, please let me talk."  And her response would be "I didn't interrupt you!  GOD, just stop!"

That was a definitely indicator to me that she was NOT listening, and rarely listens.  She's turned inwards so much she basically doesn't even know I'm talking.  She's begun to stop after I tell her not to interrupt, but I'm still fairly convinced that all she does after that is wait for my mouth to stop moving so she can say whatever she was thinking.  We are working on this in MC... I'm on the fence as to whether it will make a difference or not.  We've made progress IN MC about listening, but it doesn't translate outside the T's office.

Anyway, Joanne is right, many people have problems with interrupting, and just "waiting for the other person to finish" as opposed to "listening."  It's my biggest pet peeve.

However, I will say that I think BPDs have more trouble with interrupting than nons, and I'm not totally sure why that is.  Probably lots of reasons.  The biggest is probably just that they NEED to voice their hurt, anger, rage, whatever--and think about it, when WE feel hurt, enraged, etc., we're not good at listening.  BPDs just spend more time in that state than we do.  By far.  So they're spending 90% of their day in a state where they can't really "hear."

[danielle777]

My husband interrupts me all the time.  He even does it to his brother, sister and mother and they don't seem to notice it!  They must be used to him dominating conversation.  I used to sit and watch him have an intense conversation with his sister and he would constantly cut her off to get his say in, and she just let him.  I thought that was so rude.  But now he does it to me all the time.

[united for now]

stayingafloat

Yes, they just don't seem to HEAR what we are saying to them, since they are so focused on themselves and their own issues. I guess their mental dialogue is constant and hard to tune out. They blurt out whatever is on their mind, no matter if we are in the middle of an interesting story or not. At other times, I can talk and talk, and I feel like he isn't even hearing me. Yet, when I try to hang up and say goodbye, then he says he wants to keep talking. Why, I ask? since I'm the one who's doing 99% of the talking, it isn't worth it when he gets like that. I feel as though he is multi-tasking, or on the computer and only giving me a smidgon of his attention span. 

Very tiring and frustrating, feeling as though you aren't being heard.