S5's surgery, secondary non

[Think About It....]

Hey, doc, how did things go?  I hope your son is out of surgery now, and all of the stress is behind you. 

S5 made it out of surgery. I was really proud of him this morning. We live about 2.5 hrs away, he slept the whole way down. He had been anxious over the surgery, didn't want it. I was expecting some resistance from him but there was none. When the nurses and surgeon came to get him he picked up his stuffed animal and trotted off behind them without a second glance back to me. The surgery lasted about 30 minutes. Once he woke up from anesthesia we were on our way home. The plan was he would have an IV today and I'd take it out tomorrow...It clotted off before we ever left...I made the decision to leave it out, hope I don't regret that one. He made it home without incidence and has basically been in bed for the remainder of the day. HE doesn't want to drink anything due to the pain, he's running a little fever...both are normal but the danger is dehydration. I see kids as part of my practice and nothing has been better for teaching me empathy towards parents with sick kids than having kids of my own. He needs fluids, but I'm having a hell of time getting him to drink...He needs some pain meds, won't take those either. I did manage to get him to take some tylenol melt aways..So maybe the fever will come down...

As far as the events/drama of the day. There wasn't too much of that. DA was there when we got there. She doesn't have a clue how to handle kids, even her own. I walked in with S5 in my arms she walked up to us, didn't address him. She said, "doc101, let me have him" and proceeded to try and take him from me. He held tight, but let go after the second tug. He looked back at me as she walked away with him, held out his arms and I got him back. I thought we were about to have a scene but she relented, stating "i've got him a toy"...BFD...What he wanted was some comfort, not a toy.

But all in all she wasn't too bad and for that I was relieved. There were no major scenes. She did tell the anesthesiologist a story about her having amnesia after taking percodan when she was 8 (WTH?). The doc gave her a wierd look and explained they didn't use that. In the waiting room while S5 was in surgery she made several phone calls and was loud enough that her plans for the weekend were heard by all. Once we left she walked us out to the van and took S5's stuffed animal out of my pocket to give to S5...Hard to believe anyone could have such a lack of boundries. I was shocked by the gesture, told her to tell S5 bye, and we left.

I'll keep you guy posted on S5...

[doc101]

Hey, doc, how did things go?  I hope your son is out of surgery now, and all of the stress is behind you. 

S5 made it out of surgery. I was really proud of him this morning. We live about 2.5 hrs away, he slept the whole way down. He had been anxious over the surgery, didn't want it. I was expecting some resistance from him but there was none. When the nurses and surgeon came to get him he picked up his stuffed animal and trotted off behind them without a second glance back to me. The surgery lasted about 30 minutes. Once he woke up from anesthesia we were on our way home. The plan was he would have an IV today and I'd take it out tomorrow...It clotted off before we ever left...I made the decision to leave it out, hope I don't regret that one. He made it home without incidence and has basically been in bed for the remainder of the day. HE doesn't want to drink anything due to the pain, he's running a little fever...both are normal but the danger is dehydration. I see kids as part of my practice and nothing has been better for teaching me empathy towards parents with sick kids than having kids of my own. He needs fluids, but I'm having a hell of time getting him to drink...He needs some pain meds, won't take those either. I did manage to get him to take some tylenol melt aways..So maybe the fever will come down...

As far as the events/drama of the day. There wasn't too much of that. DA was there when we got there. She doesn't have a clue how to handle kids, even her own. I walked in with S5 in my arms she walked up to us, didn't address him. She said, "doc101, let me have him" and proceeded to try and take him from me. He held tight, but let go after the second tug. He looked back at me as she walked away with him, held out his arms and I got him back. I thought we were about to have a scene but she relented, stating "i've got him a toy"...BFD...What he wanted was some comfort, not a toy.

But all in all she wasn't too bad and for that I was relieved. There were no major scenes. She did tell the anesthesiologist a story about her having amnesia after taking percodan when she was 8 (WTH?). The doc gave her a wierd look and explained they didn't use that. In the waiting room while S5 was in surgery she made several phone calls and was loud enough that her plans for the weekend were heard by all. Once we left she walked us out to the van and took S5's stuffed animal out of my pocket to give to S5...Hard to believe anyone could have such a lack of boundries. I was shocked by the gesture, told her to tell S5 bye, and we left.

I'll keep you guy posted on S5...

[doc101]

One other thing that made my day...

I had mentioned earlier that my mom would be S5's biggest comforter today...She is around the house and usually he goes to her for everything...Today he has under my wing, he wanted me, all day...

[salt]

One other thing that made my day...

I had mentioned earlier that my mom would be S5's biggest comforter today...She is around the house and usually he goes to her for everything...Today he has under my wing, he wanted me, all day...

Of course he did.  You are his touchstone, his security, his safety, his home base.  You don't have to be a woman to be all those things, as you have clearly demonstrated. 

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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

[ForeverDad]

Doc, sorry I just read this and got to the party late.  I'm glad your son is fine.  I read some great posts here with great thoughts:

happygirl: It is a no-win situation, both decisions have potential down sides.  Basically you need to live your life without always second guessing what she thinks, placating or appeasing her or kow-towing to her demands, which is generally one of the secondary non's greatest complaints about their beloved nons.

csandra: Don't let DA interrogate you, your personal life is yours now, not hers, so it's unwise to defend your self by answering 20 questions.

Madre: Hiding a new relationship too long is invalidating for a secondary non.

sonnyboy: Bottom line is that DA will find a way to poison the situation, regardless of the girlfriend's presence.

the end, salt, hestia: Dating phase or permanent - it makes a difference.  Things change when you two make major commitments.

My son had day surgery last year.  I had no GF to bring, but my ex behaved herself.  Onlookers would have seen no conflict.  Frankly, I was amazed.  She took pictures of son and me, I took pictures of her and son.  Even one of all three of us before surgery taken by the nurse.  Then... at the next child exchange I brought a CD with a set of the photos and she asked, Does it have a virus?  Yep, same old, same old.  She just had to ruin what little good there was.

[sonnyboy]

I'm so relieved that everyone knows that DA has weekend plans.  Whew!  I was worried!

What a moron. 

You did a great job, Doc.  I am relieved that this particular chapter is over.  I sure wish our girl could have her tonsils and ads taken out.  Oh well.

SB

[doc101]

S5 is hurting this am but he is drinking some fluids. He's pretty clingy. He took a few doses of tylenol last night.

[sonnyboy]

Poor little guy.  Thank god he has you. 

I could just smash in DA's face.  She is such a DA.

SB

[JoannaK]

I'm so glad that your son is over the surgery and on the road to recovery.  I'm glad that goofball mom wasn't too annoying. 

[doc101]

We've had a good day. S5 started out kinda slow but has definately picked up...He wanted to get in the pool. He hung out on the stairs. I wouldn't let him swim, but in truth he didn't feel up to it. GF and her daughter came by and gave him a WEBKINZ pet...We've been on that website for the last hour or so...Just sent S5 to bed. It's raining here, should be some good sleep tonight. S5 has taken his tylenol today without any grief and has had a fair amout of liquids. He's had chocolate ice cream, cake, chicken soup and even a chicken wing.

[hestia]

We've had a good day. S5 started out kinda slow but has definately picked up...He wanted to get in the pool. He hung out on the stairs. I wouldn't let him swim, but in truth he didn't feel up to it. GF and her daughter came by and gave him a WEBKINZ pet...We've been on that website for the last hour or so...Just sent S5 to bed. It's raining here, should be some good sleep tonight. S5 has taken his tylenol today without any grief and has had a fair amout of liquids. He's had chocolate ice cream, cake, chicken soup and even a chicken wing.

Now THAT sounds like an awesome day for the little guy.  Glad things went well, Doc.

[doc101]

I had posted earlier that all in all there were no major scenes the day of surgery, which is still true...Just with an asterix...*even though she acted in a semi-reasonable manner all is not well in her mind, she's still goofy and sick

When my son's IV was being removed I was holding him and not paying any attention to DA. She was trying to have a conversation with my mother. Mom and I have had discussions on how to best handle DA and the mantra is...don't engage her, don't talk if it's avoidable...so Mom was listening and not commenting.

DA was telling my mom that S5 is the most well mannered child she has ever seen, but "D3 is mean, whenever we're together she'll hit S5, he just takes it and doesn't retaliate. She screams and hits at S2", etc...

As you all know S5 has some behavioral problems. His manners have gotten better and his behavior towards his younger siblings has improved, but he ain't perfect. D3 is hitting some of the defiante stages of the terrible 2s. S5 doubles her body weight and is much more coordinated...he shouldn't retaliate, and knows he'd be in dutch with me if he did...Glad to know he's learning some lessons...Of course those would be near impossible to teach if he were in DA domaine more than mine...and DA doesn't see the bahavior of the kids for what it is

Just another example of how DA views the children and another example of even when things look relatively normal, they aren't. Fundamentally her thinking is off and that won't ever change.

[Oy-vey!]

Has she even inquired about the status of D5 post-surgery?

She is a horrible mother.  How DARE she disparage her own child to your mother.  Horrid.

[doc101]

Has she even inquired about the status of D5 post-surgery?

She is a horrible mother.  How DARE she disparage her own child to your mother.  Horrid.

She called to check on him Friday night. She called yesterday afternoon and hasn't called today...So in all 2 calls since surgery...in slight defense of her lack of calls I don't answer the phone more than once a day...however given the circumstances I would have to keep her informed...she just didn't test it

[MtnGirl]

Doc, SOOOOO glad to hear that your little guy is doing well (and ate a chicken wing while recuperating, at that! I can't even get my picky S14 to eat just the meat I've pulled off of one on a normal day!), and that there were no dramatic blow-ups from the ever-so-charming DA.

   and    to all of you!

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