And so it goes ... (an update)

[Think About It....]

Thanks ... it does help to read and get a good perspective. 

I understand that she cannot "deduct" (!) ... and I know that much of what she sends as receipts is not something I am responsible for.

Yes, there are physicians where she lives and where I live.  If (big IF) she got a referral to a physician/group in NY because only that physician/group could have solved the problem she claimed the child has, then yes, such expenses are legitimate (yet, trip to a museum?). 

What is strange (and alarming to me) is that she did not take the child to a city far closer than NY AND to a physician who had last done a CT scan on the child FOR THE VERY PROBLEM she claims the child has!

Her approach has typically to AVOID the same physician(s) and start anew ... So, she can tell the story all over again and on and on.  That is my theory supported by not only what she did during our divorce, but in her previous divorce/custody battle (when I HELPED HER!).

I am in a far different place today than when I was in the throes of the battle (if you can, go back and see the incredible frustration in my "words" as I was trying to make sense of the nonsense she was throwing at me). 

She simply refuses to accept the fact that since 2005, the child has been with me, flourishing, got through KG, has friends, swim lessons, gymnastics, reads, talks, argues ... some/lot like a 6 year old, other times like a teenager ...

I mean - She cannot understand how "Mother of the Year/Century" was not awarded custody and child support and what not.  The fact that it has happened to her TWICE, and last time with ME assisting her, is completely irrelevant!  She is completely disconnected from reality and absolutely unsuitable to take care of the needs of a growing child and there is plenty of proof to everyone, but her. 

(I suppose some of the "anger"/disappointment/resentment does show when I write about such issues, but I truly am at a very different place than where I was in 2003/2004/2005 in the midst of the battle!)

[bewildered]

Thanks ... it does help to read and get a good perspective. 

I understand that she cannot "deduct" (!) ... and I know that much of what she sends as receipts is not something I am responsible for.

Yes, there are physicians where she lives and where I live.  If (big IF) she got a referral to a physician/group in NY because only that physician/group could have solved the problem she claimed the child has, then yes, such expenses are legitimate (yet, trip to a museum?). 

What is strange (and alarming to me) is that she did not take the child to a city far closer than NY AND to a physician who had last done a CT scan on the child FOR THE VERY PROBLEM she claims the child has!

Her approach has typically to AVOID the same physician(s) and start anew ... So, she can tell the story all over again and on and on.  That is my theory supported by not only what she did during our divorce, but in her previous divorce/custody battle (when I HELPED HER!).

I am in a far different place today than when I was in the throes of the battle (if you can, go back and see the incredible frustration in my "words" as I was trying to make sense of the nonsense she was throwing at me). 

She simply refuses to accept the fact that since 2005, the child has been with me, flourishing, got through KG, has friends, swim lessons, gymnastics, reads, talks, argues ... some/lot like a 6 year old, other times like a teenager ...

I mean - She cannot understand how "Mother of the Year/Century" was not awarded custody and child support and what not.  The fact that it has happened to her TWICE, and last time with ME assisting her, is completely irrelevant!  She is completely disconnected from reality and absolutely unsuitable to take care of the needs of a growing child and there is plenty of proof to everyone, but her. 

(I suppose some of the "anger"/disappointment/resentment does show when I write about such issues, but I truly am at a very different place than where I was in 2003/2004/2005 in the midst of the battle!)

[gertrude]

I'm glad for you bewildered - maybe it's time for you change your name!  It is so difficult when children are involved - it seems to me that she has a lot of issues - including the need for attention which may be why she keeps going to differenced docs. 

Well, all we can do is do the best we can with the hand we've been given.  Fortunately, you have your child, it sounds as they she is in very good hands with you.  Unfortunately, you will have to work around your ex.  When I have a chance, I will go look at your earlier posts.  I suppose there will always be residual anger and resentment.  Just so long as it does not rule or lives or motivate our behaviors, it's something we can learn to live with - and I imagine that it will dissipate even further over time.  Best of luck.  Carol

[bewildered]

Change my login name?  Nah ... "bewildered" sounds just right even now. 

While I am slightly less "bewildered" about the BPDex (since I do not expect anything good anyway!) - it is certainly bewildering to navigate life's obstacles that are everywhere -

then again, I could choose "PerpetualStudent" (which I am) - and this time, my ever present teacher is that child who has perfected the art of rolling her eyes wondering as to why I did not understand her explanation the first time around (How can I be this slow?)

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

[nowwhat]

I am sorry to chime in so late on on a comment made very early in this thread, but as custodial parent, having the child 60 plus percent of the time, we still battle pas all the time.  The child protects his momster.

[bewildered]

I am sorry to chime in so late on on a comment made very early in this thread, but as custodial parent, having the child 60 plus percent of the time, we still battle pas all the time.  The child protects his momster.

.  Yes, true.  The child will rebel and be more difficult with the custodial parent also, the one he/she is most comfortable and safe with.  Mine told me once that "Mommy never puts me in time out" or something like that.  Yet, one has to correct, deal with the tantrums, go on ...

[Deb]

My stepdaughter's momster is not BPD, just a whack job.   Mt stepdaughter, J, defended her mother right up to the day they she held her newborn son in her arms. Suddenly, it all be came clear. I am now "Mama" and "whack job" is "bio mom". Her 2 kids don't even know that there is another mom. Two 3 years ago when we flew my grandson out here, J said "take him down where I grew up but DO NOT take him by HER house." We never said bad things about whack job, even when we wanted to do so, but we also did not hesitate to rebut lies and misconceptions.

[bewildered]

Here is something amazing ...

I GOT A CHILD SUPPORT CHECK!

(really)

All I can say is Wow. 

(yea, nothing HUGE - but anything greater than zero would have been (and so is)
an amazing event.  So it is)