Calling... and forgetting?

[Think About It...]

Maybe this one is just me, but I'm always surprised at how much BPDs have in common, so I wanted to ask you all about this.

My SO often calls me, and when I answer the phone he doesn't respond... I say "hello?... hello?... HELLO?" and all I can hear is the sound of the car or the street or whatever through the phone... after waiting some time he eventually says "oh hi". It's like he calls me and then forgets that he's calling. I don't know... this happens ALL THE TIME... like probably 1/4 of calls from him are like this. Sometimes I just hang up because I dont' want to be stuck on the phone saying "hello" over and over (of course sometimes this becomes "why did you hang up on me?"). And, it's not just me, he does it to a mutual friend of ours too.

[BTO]

Maybe this one is just me, but I'm always surprised at how much BPDs have in common, so I wanted to ask you all about this.

My SO often calls me, and when I answer the phone he doesn't respond... I say "hello?... hello?... HELLO?" and all I can hear is the sound of the car or the street or whatever through the phone... after waiting some time he eventually says "oh hi". It's like he calls me and then forgets that he's calling. I don't know... this happens ALL THE TIME... like probably 1/4 of calls from him are like this. Sometimes I just hang up because I dont' want to be stuck on the phone saying "hello" over and over (of course sometimes this becomes "why did you hang up on me?"). And, it's not just me, he does it to a mutual friend of ours too.

[aggie99]

I get this too. Its the weirdest thing.  This happens quite a lot.  I say "hello?" .. silence.. "hello?"... silence.."hello?".. and still silence.  I look at my phone to make sure that Im actually connected.  I am.  After maybe 4-5 hellos.  Shell finally say "im here!".  Sometimes I hang up and call back.  She usually responds then.

I havent really analyzed it bc to me its pretty minor compared to the other things going on but its funny that we share this similarity.  Thought it was just a foible that I had to go thru.

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[StayingAfloat]

Ha, another one of those teeny little things I hardly think about, but come up when someone else mentions them.

My BPDw does this too--it's not THAT frequent (not 1/4 of her calls), but I'd say at least 1 in 10.  Often enough that it can irritate me, and make me think I'm crazy.

I'll have to say "Hello?" 4 or 5 times before she says "Hi."  And there's often silence, like she's just.. waiting... for what, I don't know.  It often turns very awkward for a little while.

I have several theories about this.  I'll toss them out...

1.  BPDs are searching for a reason to feel bad.  If you're not "chasing" them hard enough over the phone, you must not love them, and thus, they have found a justification for feeling black and unloved inside.  Weird beginnings to phone calls will often lead to symptomatic behavior, and it often catches US off guard so we end up doing/saying something that triggers our BPD (even though what we say/do would be totally harmless to anyone else!)

2.  BPDs commonly dissociate from the world around them... and have trouble staying grounded and keepings in perspective.  I think this is even harder for them over the phone, because the person they are talking to is even LESS tangible than usual.  They struggle with object constancy, so a "person" on the other end of the line doesn't really exist unless they stop to think about it.  So they'll call, looking for who knows what, and get distracted by their own needs while not understanding they've inconvenienced the person they're talking to.

Maybe?  Just thoughts...

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