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Think About It... Whenever we refuse to take responsibility for ourselves, we are unconsciously choosing to react as victim. This inevitably creates feelings of anger, fear, guilt or inadequacy and leaves us feeling betrayed, or taken advantage of by others.~ Lynne Forrest
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Author Topic: "I wish I had aborted you... "  (Read 1917 times)
icantthinkofaclevername


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« on: October 03, 2008, 03:37:37 PM »

?
so even 24 years on, this sort of thing is still surprising. She's sent this to both of my siblings, also saying that her kids are dead to her. All I'm getting at the moment is vague threats.
Now my sister and I are sociopaths apparently. And my father is rapist.
How are you supposed to deal with this?
And should I go talk to the police? Shes been known to hurt herself and press assault charges on the people she is angry with.
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Patty
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« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2008, 05:20:56 PM »

Hello icantthinkofaclevername

It is good that you and Clevernamessister have joined us and being here will help you both a lot.  I am sorry that you have had things like this said to you.  It is not easy to hear it and none of it makes any sense anyway.  I dealt with this type of behavior by ignoring it and thankfully I did, because my mother was not a person to reason with anyway. I do understand how difficult all of this is though.  Remember it is not your fault that your mother behaves like this and you are not responsible for what she says or does.

Patty

 
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  Go as far as you can see - when you get there you will see farther.

tryintogetby
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« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2008, 09:07:52 PM »

Hey hon, and welcome. 

I've had the "I almost aborted you" conversation, as if I should get down on my knees and thank her that I'm alive.  sad  I'm so, so incredibly sorry this happened to you and your sister.  It's not your fault, it in no way reflects on either of you, and you have a LIFE apart from this witch.  That's what this behavior is----the sadistic manipulation of a WITCH.  She's trying to destroy you.  You don't have to let her.  This is awful, and I pray you find a good counselor who can help you work through your emotions with this.  Also, keep posting here.  You'll find so much companionship and support. 

Have you read "Understanding the Borderline Mother?"  You're not alone in this experience---hundreds of other kids of BPDs have heard those awful words.  You'll find good help for healing in that book. 

As far as the cops go, can you get a restraining order?  That may at least have it on the books that you expect to be a victim here.  Gosh, these lunatics are so GOOD at manipulating authorities.   :smiley  I'll pray for you.

 Hi! again,
TTGB
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Minds are like parachutes---just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.
shockngnaw
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« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2008, 10:40:07 PM »

 Dear Icantthinkofaclevername;     I wish God had given you to me; I would have LOVED to have had a baby girl;I only have a boy, whom I also cherish with all my heart.  Just know that, love  *S*  love  
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No_Hiding_Place
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« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2008, 11:02:43 PM »

   icantthinkofaclevername

Great question: How are you supposed to deal with this kind of absolutely gut wrenching nastiness from your own mother? I think the best way is to realise, as Patty and TTGB have said - it's not you, it's her. She's a very seriously mentally ill woman. The Understanding the Borderline Mother is a God-send for those of us with BPD mothers - I absolutely recommend you buy it/borrow it/read it somehow.

Beyond that, keep posting here. Vent, question, rant... it helps.

About protecting yourself - do whatever you know to be necessary and don't let anyone tell you that you're over-reacting. We know you're not! My mother has a habit of claiming that someone has inflicted violence on her when actually it was the other way around.

   and  Hi!.
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icantthinkofaclevername


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« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2008, 11:12:34 PM »

Dear Icantthinkofaclevername;     I wish God had given you to me; I would have LOVED to have had a baby girl;I only have a boy, whom I also cherish with all my heart.  Just know that, love  *S*  love  
Thank you. If you ever feel the need to play mommy to a girl, I would love it. Maybe you can teach me how to wear make-up and not look like a clown or "working woman"  wink .

And you know, in a sick way, its nice to know these things happened to someone else. Any time I tried to talk to a person with normal parents about these things, they have always reacted as though I was making things up. "No mother would do that to her own child!"
But I've realized that they are right, no Mother would.
Thanks guys.
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Violetta
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« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2008, 12:07:26 AM »

And you know, in a sick way, its nice to know these things happened to someone else. Any time I tried to talk to a person with normal parents about these things, they have always reacted as though I was making things up. "No mother would do that to her own child!"
But I've realized that they are right, no Mother would.

This happened to me, too. It's been difficult for me to face that there has been a fundamental difference in my experience of life, than most other people, because of my mother's illness. We believe you here.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is truly terrible that anyone should ever hear what you heard, from your own mother. You deserve light-years better than that, and always did.

I second the recommendation that you keep sharing your feelings here. I've been posting since this summer, and already this board has become a comfort in the back of my mind, when things get hard in Oz. You're not alone--not here, and not out there in what you're facing.
 
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ness70

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« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2008, 03:06:36 AM »

As soon as i saw this title i began to cry...and said to myself "so there are other mothers out there who say that line to their daughters?"...and made it sink in even more how mentally ill someone must be to utter those words to a child they carried for 9 mths, gave birth to, cared for as an infant and nurtured until they became happily independent...but then they don't view children as a precious gift do they?
My mother told me this just recently when she said 'i don't even LIKE you as a person, maybe you shouldn't have been born, i could have aborted..." and in another context as I went to her house to tell her one of my IVF cycles failed...here I was going through years of infertility and wanted a child like anything (I did have success and now have twins) but she chose that moment to tell me that she 'had 6 pregnancies (had 3 children) but I should be thankful I wasn't one of the abortions, and that she had been through pain like me and understood what I was going through' where was the common thread there? oh that's right her pain was greater than mine and I have to be indebted that i was one of 'the chosen' babies...I know some women for certain reasons have abortions and that is their right, but for a mother to bring it up in rage or use it as some form of justification is just purely evil.
I know normal mothers love and cherish their children, but after infertility you see them as such a precious gift, and i know my children will be secure in the knowledge that they were SOOOO wanted, unlike me who struggles to feel secure with any positive emotion from my mother.
I still feel anger at hearing her utter those words but also sadness that they will never know the feeling of love and understand empathy.
so when we write on these boards we do it out of empathy- just so we can say "I know how that feels" and it brings comfort to know we are justified thinking our BPD's are so NOT normal.
vanessa
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notmissperfect
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« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2008, 03:05:32 AM »

Sure my mother told me she wished she never had me, i ruined her life, her figure, her relationship with my dad, i was a difficult child, depressive, hateful, selfish. I know what it's like to get told you are the scum of the earth (at age 7 or 8) and that you don't deserve to live (quite literally).

So after she basically wished you dead or aborted my question is: WHO CARES IF SHE HURTS HERSELF OR GOES TO THE POLICE TO 'PRESS CHARGES'? What charges? What proof? She will make herself appear as the true idiot she is.

Let her go, let her do or not do what she darn well pleases. Really, I think your concern for her is misplaced. If she were anyone other than your bio mom you wouldn't think twice about 'dropping them' I think. Just because she is a blood relative doesn't mean she gets free reign. Good riddance to bad rubbish. I hope you start your life over. Hugs.
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icantthinkofaclevername


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« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2008, 02:10:02 PM »

So after she basically wished you dead or aborted my question is: WHO CARES IF SHE HURTS HERSELF OR GOES TO THE POLICE TO 'PRESS CHARGES'? What charges? What proof? She will make herself appear as the true idiot she is.


Its worked very well for her in the past. She is quite gifted when it comes to convincing men. The only time she didn't get away with it was when it was a policeman who had already been dealing with her bs for months.
but yeah, I've definitely decided that I'm done with her. If she were ever going to get help, she would have done it by now.
I just know the next time she "attempts suicide" she is going to have them call one of us...
Even with No Contact, I'm sure its never really over.
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