your doing fine muggs...
the job...whats going to happen with that?
will it now have 8 hour day? or 24 hour days?
did she mention.. how much she has made so far?
well one thing at time.. last night was rough im sure...but for you... you are the man.!
she now is well aware... she needs to make some drastic changes...
now watch for them...
She admitted that she was leaving work and going to the older lady that had offered to let her stay there just because she didn't want to come home. SO many nights she got off at like 11pm and just went there to sleep and hang out and drink wine with this older lady. I told her that was unacceptable. She swears that from now on, she will be at home in the house if she is off work. She also admitted that she is not making as much as she said she was. She is making just over min. wage, but I guess the men in the house pool their money together and "tip" her extra to do things for them, like their laundry and cook dinner etc. She says her actual schedule should only be 3 nights and one day a week no more than 8 hours each. So every gut instinct I (and you guys) had was absolutely correct, she was hiding and lying about it, staying away and trying to justify it by "how bad I was". I had been painted black for a few weeks so she didn't feel I deserved to know what she was really doing.
She is still trying to get a "real" job at a local hospital during normal daytime hours in the accounting dept (irony much?) and says they want her to come back for a second interview tomorrow so it's looking good. But she has grown "attached" to some of the kids at the place she currently works (some really sad cases so I understand) and says even if she gets this new job she will want to maintain contact with the kids at the current place. I told her that is fine as long as she is HONEST about the entire thing.
Disheartened=> If you read around the site you will see that for the most part, the BPD will NEVER admit or realize they have anything "wrong with them". It all comes down to a "game" with you and the therapist on one side, and the BPD on teh other. You are working on in a way "tricking" the BPD to adjust how they deal with their emotional urges to allow you to withstand the swings, while you and the therapist know what is REALLY going on and are working on specific ways to deal WITH it. I think my situation is VERY rare in that my wife actually admitted that she thinks she MAY have BPD after reading some things about it online after our last big meltdown when I told her (I broke the rules) that there was something wrong with her, I compared it to ADD and Depression though, since she has been treated for depression for years, and both my son and I have serious ADHD, it took some of the fear and stigma off looking at the issue. She has since swung back to refusing to acknowledge that there is anything wrong with her but I know, she knows, whether she will admit it or not.
I have demanded that she go to solo therapy, and we will resume, and continue couples therapy, it does seem to help, and I know the solo session I had helped me A LOT because I knew I didn't have to "tread lightly" because she was sitting next to me.