Need help, in Psych Eval process for Custody against BPD mother

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Wondering if anyone has advice on how to do well in psych evaluations for custody cases against BPD Mom who is physically abusing and mentally neglecting and abusing children? She brought this on when she sued for full custody, no visitation with several false accusations against step mom and father. This was prompted when social services did an investigation on her for child abuse which is still open but not enough evidence has been presented of the marks or bruises for them to remove the kids.

The kids mom is in denial she has mental illness and has already had another investigation by social services for child abuse to her step child that was unfounded but left suggestions of psych meds and psychological therapy. She has not given any documentation about her mental or physical health even though she has been court ordered to. We have provided a great deal of documentation and are now getting paranoid it may make us look over eager. My husband and I are also wondering what should we say and how do we help the kids talk when she is actively scaring with threats from saying what is happening. She has abused them before when they told counselors about what was happening and now are petrified which worries us they won't talk and end up stuck there forever because she tells them mothers never loose custody.

Any advice is much appreciated

[mfamily]

Wondering if anyone has advice on how to do well in psych evaluations for custody cases against BPD Mom who is physically abusing and mentally neglecting and abusing children? She brought this on when she sued for full custody, no visitation with several false accusations against step mom and father. This was prompted when social services did an investigation on her for child abuse which is still open but not enough evidence has been presented of the marks or bruises for them to remove the kids.

The kids mom is in denial she has mental illness and has already had another investigation by social services for child abuse to her step child that was unfounded but left suggestions of psych meds and psychological therapy. She has not given any documentation about her mental or physical health even though she has been court ordered to. We have provided a great deal of documentation and are now getting paranoid it may make us look over eager. My husband and I are also wondering what should we say and how do we help the kids talk when she is actively scaring with threats from saying what is happening. She has abused them before when they told counselors about what was happening and now are petrified which worries us they won't talk and end up stuck there forever because she tells them mothers never loose custody.

Any advice is much appreciated

[nowwhat]

Purchase:  High Conflict People in legal disputes (www.highconflictinstitute.com)... .it supposedly is written for the legal communitiy but I didn't find it to be a hard book and it certainly isn't a long read.

Is this a psych eval or a custody evaluation?  A full scale custody eval will have psych eval elements in it. 

If you are looking to do well on a psych eval, my best advice it to take some online to get a feel for the questions and to answer the questions honestly.  There is nothing wrong with getting a feel for that kind of test, but don't think you can practice your way into doing better on it.  They put things in these test to determine your honesty in answering the the questions.  When I took it for Dh's recent custody evaluation I struggled with those questions... .but in the end, I answered them truthfully.

[mfamily]

You are right, it was the custody eval and my husband did take the psych evaluation MMI or MMP test which he answered honestly and felt comfortable with his results. his ex the BPD did take it and complained to him how long it took and how difficult it was. I don't have to take but have been very involved in the evaluation procress.

What happened to you after the test?

[nowwhat]

Our CE did everything by the book.  The Mother and dh did the psych tests, intelligence tests, personality tests, parenting questionnaires, ect.  I did all but the IQ test  she took a recent honor's degree from college instead.  I was able to take the initial intake form home and mull over my answers and make the form my own, whick I took full advantage of  .  She interviewed each parent and me (step), she interviewed the kids (ss, my d12 from previous marriage) she interviewed ss with each bio-parent (not me).  She did home evals (silly considering he is 11).  She brought The Mother back in on several occassions (good sign).  She checked all references, doctors, and ss's psychologist.  She reviewed the 2-4 inch binders of information we gave her and listened to the vm messages we supplied.  We are hoping the 6k covered everything, we have yet to receive a final bill as we are ordered to pay 100% of the bill.  The Mother just had to get herself there.  We hear her findings are in our favor, we have yet to see the final report.  We hear she "got" The Mother within 15 minutes of meeting her.  Ss's psychologist is the previous CE that she had booted for being biased.

It was a long, drawn out process.  Hopefully we will see the final report on Monday, since the next conference is on Tuesday.  ;p

All in all, glad it hasn't come out yet since ss was in The Mother's care this weekend.

[mfamily]

It sounds like we are almost in the same boat then, waiting. The psych evaluator said he should be done with us for the most part but his time with the mother and kids isn't. his comments were we were happy and a great couple that worked together and seemed very pleased to see how much the kids loved being with us and how hard we worked to make it there from 5 hours away and both working while she cancelled and lived in town, not working. For the evaluator, it came as a great shock the mother (BPD) had been ordered to provide him documents and had not given anything. She also did not provide any medical professional for her and the girls which we of course did like you in a 3 to 4 inch binder. He did say he read it and all our follow up information along with the social services files which we close to 10 inches think from what we saw at court. Only he and the judge have those and can read them.

So we wait too. And we have NO feedback on his thoughts on her which is make we nutty with anxiousness.

Keep me posted and I will you too - interesting parallel

[mfamily]

Forgot to say, I read it takes about a month to two months for CE to finish up their right up. Has to be thorough to stand up in court.

Please keep posted on outcome, I am very interested to hear as we have done almost the same exact thing. x

[nowwhat]

Not counting the month and a half delay in The Mother signing the contracts... .we have been at this for 4 and half months.  The initial estimates were 4-6 months.  I hate the waiting, it is the worst part.  From what we hear, the CE has been checking out the allegations The Mother has made against us with our references.  She is thorough, that is for sure.  Dh said that was a good sign, she wouldn't be if she wasn't looking to make a change.

Sounds like you have a better case then us, our case is based on the inability of the parents to work together in the best interest of the child and to stop school night overnights, as The Mother likes to keep the kid home for extra time with him.

This state doesn't recognize Parent Alienation.  Does yours?





 

[mfamily]

I'm not sure, is there a place to check without calling an attorney and costing us more money... .  ;p  I read a tiny bit about it and know it is really suggested to show this during evaluations.

In the state the mother lives in they are very tolerant of physical abuse and don't even seem to notice mental. This is where the waiting KILLS us and makes our case seem like nothing considering we have no pictures of marks or bruises.

So the girls mother bolted when my now husband said seperation a few years back. It was her third year of credit card outburst with that year costing over 80k. When he said seperation, she bolted with the kids out of state to live in a 1 bedroom apartment sleeping on air mattresses and wiping out college savings accounts to pay for it. All because she refused to work and said she he needed to work to help out more. He's an Executive with a Fortune 500 company. What more could he do to support her bad habits?

It was about 3 months into it he heard about the oldest getting hit. (just before he and I started dated but were friends) Knowing it would be hard to prove, he didn't call Social Services but tried to talk to the mother about it. It turned to hair pulling, etc shortly after(he didn't know this till a year ago). We started dating and since we were friends before, I met the kids about 3 months into  it and on my first time meeting the kids the oldest told me about the hitting too. I was aware from him but was in shock that she would come to a new person so quickly. I guess that is how I knew she was bad.

After this, I got behind my now husband and he stopped trying to work with his ex and tried to work with her school. When he did, the principal called her mom back which sent his ex blazing. Then he tried the teacher, teacher called the mom too. Then the counselor, the mom found out and took her out of schools on those days. Finally on summer break (almost 5 months after she met and No One helping), he got them into a counselor and the kids counselor outside of school called social services. In the BPD mom's state, they said it is ok to hit or strike a child as long as you don't leave a mark. When the girls new therapist talked of neglect the kids conveyed to her (leaving them in cars in parking lot for 45 minutes to an hour or at home for 2 to 3 hours while she had a college class or two with 104 to 105 fevers home from school sick) and they still wouldn't open a case. It took her fighting for days to finally get it started. Of course, that is when she filed for total custody naming me in her case.

So yes, maybe we have a case but her state is so backwards, it scares me that it just doesn't seem to mean much. To your point, the CE seems to be on our side. But he won't say anything and the counselors he saw who told him his ex sounded like she had BPD hasn't got a single call. Nor has the girls therapist (oh yes, even their mother called this therapist and said she was to not see them anymore, she had one for them near her so they could go more which lasted 2 monthsand then quit).

So to your point, this whole thing makes the waiting beyond painful!

Thanks for listening and hang in there too.    If you know about the alienation, I would love to hear. What defines it? We have plenty of cut off phones calls, I won't meet you half way on the drive, or you can't get them for vacation because... .

[nowwhat]

Divorce Poison is the book to get on parent alienation.  It is a game changing book!

As for our wait... .it continues, as the conference tomorrow will be continued because the report is not in.

Hang in there.  It is a game of hurry up and wait and wait and wait.

[nowwhat]

Ok, now that I have my well-read-dog-eared-flag ged book in front of me... .I can get a bit more into the alienation topic. 

Parent alienation is not recognized in every state, my current state is on that list.  I guess if they don't recognize it, it just doesn't happen    My old state did recongnize it. 

I am going to quote one of the reviews, because it sums everything up so nicely:

"This book deals with the deep and disturbing issues of divorce: bad-mouthing, bashing, and brainwashing, violence and vengence, retailiztion and revenge, parental alienation, false allegations of abuse.  Easy to read and understand cases reveal the seamy side of post-divorce relations and amply illustrate the damage parents can inflict on thier children.  Specific rules and recommendations, based on the author's extensive clinical experience and warm wisdom, provide guidence for how parents can avoid such divorce poison.  This book should be required reading for every parent, the week after they leave divorce court.  It will help them protect thier children's best interest from their own retaliatory impulses or their ex-spouse's vengeful behavior." 

-Alison Clarke-Stewart, Ph.D.

That is one powerful recommendation!

The book really does what it claims:

• helps you recognize early warning signs



• teaches you what to do if your kids refuse to see you



• teaches you how to respond to rude and hateful behavior



• and, helps you avoid common mistakes

And, I don't work for the book manufacturer or the doctor who wrote it.

It discusses motives and how reality is corrupted.  Steller book!

[mfamily]

I am going to order that book. Sounds great.

In return, I wanted to share some of my own research. Sorry for the big paste. I was researching the custody evaluation online a week or two ago. I saved some pastes I found online that I wanted to share with you that might make you feel good about what you've done and the timelines. I wish I had the website but I can't seem to locate the main link. It was probably through a search I did on borderline personality disorder and custody. None the less, thought this may help.

Thanks for the book info - keep me posted on the outcome... .


Biggest take away I found in all of this... .

If possible, try and highlight a current problem you are having with your spouse that demonstrates his or her inability to accommodate or co-parent with you. This unwillingness to work together is a key behavior that evaluators look for and are highly interested in.



An Overview Of The Evaluation Process

A PE usually begins with each party filling out a Parenting History Survey form (PHS) or the ASPECT form, or both. The PHS is a long questionnaire, with typically about 100 questions. The PHS covers your marriage in some detail, beginning with when you met your spouse, major events during the marriage and additional information concerning the separation and divorce. After the PHS has been filled out and turned in by both parties, interviews are scheduled. The first contact typically consists of a 1 to 2 hour interview with a trained evaluator (usually a psychologist) and the taking of an MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory) or other psychological assessment test(s). You will normally go back for another session called "Monitored Parent/Child Play". You and your child (or children) will be asked to "play" in a monitored room and the session will be video-taped. Finally, you'll almost certainly go back for at least one more interview where they may ask you to respond to allegations your spouse has made, and/or to discuss some of your responses to the MMPI test.

Additional testing procedures, such as drug tests, may be administered if concerns about drug use are raised. When all this is completed, the evaluator prepares his/her report and will then present it to both your attorney and your spouse's attorney at a meeting where they'll discuss the results.



The Importance Of Documentation


This is crucial, so pay attention. The more supporting documentation you can bring in to present to the evaluator, the better, as long as it's relevant. This does NOT mean you should bury the evaluator in paper, it means you should work hard to assemble an array of items to document your ex's trouble spots. The documentation you supply will vary depending upon what you're trying to show. Has your ex had dozens of jobs, indicating employment instability? Great!- get their W-2 forms and make copies for the evaluator. Has he or she committed forgery or written bad checks? Again, make copies and supply them as evidence of financial manipulation or financial instability. If you're taking notes of all your conversations with them (and you should be), copy the logged notes and give them to the evaluator. If you've given her money, make copies of the canceled checks and get them to the evaluator.

If nothing else, providing documentation will show you're methodical and that you're making an attempt to provide them with credible material to support your version of events.

Documentation can show your spouse has bad judgment, does things that are illegal, is unstable, etc etc- without your having to say a word. Oftentimes, a document speaks louder than words since it is an objective record of an event that can be verified independently. If you can't get the documentation you need, at least provide the name and phone number of a person the evaluator can contact to discuss the unavailable documents.

While you're at it, you should provide a list of ALL the collateral contacts that you'd like the evaluator to speak with. On this "contact list", have the persons name and phone number, their relationship to you and a brief description of their relevance to the evaluation (why they should be contacted). See the example contact list for an idea of what to provide.

Once you've assembled all this documentation, go through it, put in some kind of order and then write a cover-sht listing each piece of documentation and what its relevance is. Put it all neatly in a binder or envelope and turn it in with your Parenting History Survey.

Remember, the more work you do, the easier it will be for the evaluator to find out the facts. Don't make the evaluator do any more legwork than he/she has to. Put yourself in their place and ask yourself what kind of information you'd want to make your job easier and more effective.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[nowwhat]

That is basically what we did.  We have pretty much every email that has gone back and forth since they went email only contact (I had forwarded dh an article when we were dating on 'excommunicating'.  A lot depends on the case... .I had posted on the high conflict board a detailed explanation of what we compiled... .I can't seem to find it right now.  Anyhow, it went sort of like this:

Vol 1, 3 section, each section on 1 'major' issue.  Volume table of contents of issue and documentation in that section.  Each section had written summary of issue, other not documented events, every email regarding the issue and other supporting documentation (doctor's reports, school documentation, etc). 

Vol 2, 9 sections. Volume table of contents on each section and what documents the CE will find in that section.  Old issue to show pattern and recent issues and the attempt to resolve them.  We also had a section of tiny, things that should not be issues to show how they were handled.  This volume also had a section of old CE reports and historical court filings and court orders. 

We also provided a CD of voice mail messages. 

It was a lot of work.

[mfamily]

So ours was similar and organized into several sections as well (been a while since I dug into it and I gave our extra copy to the psychologist doing the evaluation). Our book had one or two e-mails, but not all which there are many many many... .We included legal agreements, law suits, a 20 page documentory on their marriage and her battle with mental illness. Then a section of photo's that show us with the kids, activities, etc. After this, we additional information with their art work, homework, writing assignments with stories filled with time we spent together, and other craft type things. We included homemade cards to us, pictures that they drew during psych visits with their therapist showing us as a family and then showing mom angry and crying.

We have some voice mails recorded but we didn't really think to give them. One of my my personal favorite was her saying my husband was spending all his money on me and when he charged her for mileage since she refuses to drive half way of the five hours, and the courts he can take half back, she through a fit on voice mail saying my husband was spending all his money on me and starving her kids and taking the roof over the house away. She gets over 3,500 a month in child support and alimony while she has 2 degrees and never worked more than 6 months in her life! It kills me since I have spent my fair share of thousands, I think I may be up to about 15k, on legal and psych bills and flights, travel etc so I could make it to every visitation the past couple years. So you tell me, should we give those to the CE? Is it too much?

ANother thought I just had was the kids battle with acid reflux from anxiety. The oldest daughter gets chest pains and acid reflux about half the time we take her home (started at 7 and still is on and off 2 years later). It increases around the abuse. Earlier this year, the youngest had it to. So their mom took them to doctors throwing a fit about all the co-pays, etc (he pays half and covers all insurance). 

We followed through with the no dairy on visitations, prevacid, etc. Then there was no fruit, juices, fried food, etc. Eventually the oldest said the doctor said it was just stress and pulled their mom in for a private meeting. Ironically, we had faxed our notes to this doctor about how the girls had nothing and could eat anything but during counseling, if mom or abuse was discussed the girls had passed gas that smelled of acid or would cramp up everytime it was time to return to mom and not be able to eat.

My husband got that record to the CE, but I am wondering what is in the files for the girls doctors. Not knowing and of course fearing she twisted it with them that it was us causing trouble, I am torn to push that. However, it is a great bit of info that really helps show the turbulant environment in which the girls are forced to live.

Thoughts?

So hope... .I just found this week was supposed to be the last visit for the kids to CE. Turns out the youngest got scared and on her one on one time, she freaked and asked to not go alone. When BPD mom pushed in, our youngest said no. In front of the CE (this is the older daughter telling us), she pushed to go in and the youngest said no I want my sister, not mom. Pretty telling if you ask me. 

So knowing it is almost over, do we give more evidence with these voice mails? Dr. notes, your thoughts?

[WinterSolstice]

Thanks for the post.  When I began this journey of discovery 8 years, the guidance was document, document, document.  I have share this with the couples T, and it sure looks like BPD.  But no formal diagnosis.  W/O a formal diagnosis form a professional, custody of the 16s could be a huge fight.  This looks like it might be the only avenue left to get this issue on the table.  If so, then bring it on. 

I have downloaded a number of relavent PE sites.  Now to start the research and organizing the doumentation already obtained.  Thanks for all the help and the willingness to share "war stories" and the processes to overcome.  Thanks again, WS

[nowwhat]

WS,

The diagnosis doesn't matter, it is the behavior. 

There is no diagnosis on The Mother.  SWOES just fit.  I wasn't the first to bring this to my dh's attention.  His best friend did many years ago and dh dismissed it.

We never raised any question or statement of her having anything wrong with her except her behavior.  We never used a term that might be construed that we were playing armchair psychologist... .never said projection... .she makes false allegations against dh and I on things that she herself has done.  She makes things up on events she would have no direct knowledge of.  Me... .I know nothing but the behavior I have seen or the emails that I have read. 

[nowwhat]

mfamily... .do a record review at the doctors, at the school, anywhere else if you can.  Do you have medical and educational rights?

We have known that The Mother has/had been 'saying things,' starting last year she went from saying things to put them into writing.  She wrote a neuropsychologist a 5 page letter on 'stressors' that we have not been granted access to.  The office is claiming HIPPA protection, but it was The Mother, not the child making the claims (Dh has primary residence).  We did a record review with the school district and learned that she is claiming that dh is an alcoholic that is verbally and physically abusive to everyone around him.  We learned that we are in family counseling to deal with the verbal and physical abuse.  It was the record reviews that revealed those tidbits.

The Mother, btw, lost primary residence of the kid after her 2nd dui in weeks and a couple month stay in jail.  Can you say projection?

I say, if you can... .look.

[nowwhat]

Good morning.

That board I was referring to about HC situations... .it's been renamed: Pilot: Co-parenting with a Non and their BPDex.  If you get a chance you might want to poke around in there (I am guessing that you can see the board now, apparently the Pilot High Conflict board was hidden). 

RPS and I were talking about evidence, the CE, etc. not to long ago.  I will try and locate the posts and bump them up to the top of the heap for you.

[mfamily]

WS,

I love what advice you are getting. We did get our attorney to suggest a court order to provide documentation for 3 years regarding finance, health, and mental health/psych therapy for her and the children. The judge ordered it and the plan was to get all of that to the Evaluator. Ironically, because of projection from BPD toward my husband that he was some sort of mental health drug user/taking prescriptions, her attorney fought to get 5 years for both as if he was hiding something. Obviously this hurts her even more and she was so mad about this and whatever else upset her, she fired her attorney. Good news, we did get the order.

What we found recently is that she has not presented any evidence. So the evaluator was in shock that this order existed when my husband gave him a copy at our last session. The evaluator asked for our records on all of her doctors and the children as he will use the order to get all of the records and was confirming to us that our approach was best in that we did provide all documentation we had on the kids and ourselves meeting the order which was not even for us, just her due to a pending social service investigation.

Might be something to think about as you want to gather behavior which always looks better coming from psychologist or professional third parties which should match up with what you have going on.

Good luck!

[mfamily]

Now what,

We don't get the records for the kids or her. We tried just to get the kids on the acid reflux, but the office would not release even though it is his insurance. I mentioned earlier about the school, they are closed lipped too and won't return our calls. Everyone in this state is backwards on being all about the mother! My guess is, she has done the same thing your husbands ex did, project issues about us onto the kids/schools or whoever else she can.

So that is why we at least are trying to get the files through the court order using the CE. Something has to give. We did not present the kids med doctors and are now having those second thoughts that we should.

I did not see that post you mentioned. I will dig around, sounds like what we need.

On the DUI story, oh my gosh! I am in shock and horrified. Now that is projection. You poor baby being in harms way like that. How can they even question you and the father? Now who has the better case, I think we're tied.

Any word yet? We have heard nothing. My husband is breaking down with the not knowing. My gut says they are trying to time it that if we get the kids, they will wait till school is about out of session to not disrupt their lives. But that is only a guess as I try to keep calm while waiting.

[mfamily]

Nowwhat,

I did not find that blog/link. I did a general search and found some stuff but I don't think it is what you are referencing.

Thanks for continuing to try and help!

[95685dad]

I would say that being truthful during the evaluation is best.  During the MMPI they ask questions to determine if the person taking the test is  being truthful.  In my experience, the evaluation only consisted of the MMPI but I was later told here that is only a portion of a full evaluation.  It sounds like there is already evidence building against her.  How old are the children?  Is there joint legal custody?  Perhaps ask the court to order that medical information regarding the children is released to both sides.

[nowwhat]

Thanks 9dad... .in our case we do have medical/educational rights, joint legal with primary residence... .but still they denied access to 5 pages of most likely slanderous/liable allegations... .

What does the court order specifically say in regards to medical information and educational information?  If it says you have access, make an appointment and go with the CO in hand.  At large hospital we didn't get to do a record review, but asked what we were looking for and paid for copies to be sent.  Either way, if they continue to deny then subpenea the records. 

In this state we can't subpenea until we have a court date.  We won't have a court date until the custody conference, we won't have a custody conference until the CE report is release... .you ever heard the song "all my life's a circle?"  I sing it often.

<<sigh>>

The eta now of the report is 7 days... .

[mfamily]

the kids in our case our 5 and 9. We have joint custody, she is primary or custodial for living at this moment. She sued us to take away his joint and have it supervised or non at all. This happened after a counselor we took the kids too launched a social services investigation for child abuse. No one can access social services files either except evaluator or judge. Not even attorneys.

So it is a bit odd and yes, I would love to get their medical records if you think it might help.

[nowwhat]

Look in the CO for something along the lines of:

Both parties shall have access to medical and educational records.

That's all you need.

With the abuse allegation hanging out there, I would look... .no question about it.  But, they may not let you.  We think she said pretty much the same thing in ss educational records as the one document that we were refused access to.  There were clues out there.

It is interesting to note that some of these doctors were looking for sexual abuse without telling anyone and observing the behaviors of the parents while there.  There were notes.

[mfamily]

I know we have been really fact based in these blogs, but I gotta say for the record, doesn't it just make you SICK? Makes me just ill.

She too named me for inappropriate behavior. Saying the kids sleep with me, bath with me. The first few times we were together, they would think that was normal and then come in to bed to my total suprise. Or bust into my shower. I was really worried and stopped it immeadiatly. So I later find out, in all projection, she bathes, sleeps with and forces the youngest to sleep with her even though she doesn't want to. It burns me up! So yes, most of the references she made against us to take his custody away from him altogether were these two claims which something that the kids did with her, tried with me, and nothing we allow to happen because we don't think it is normal or healthy at their age. It is her projection.

Please keep an eye out in return for her and her husband (wasn't she married?) These projection issues are beyong scary, they are very dead on in 99% of our situation.

So to the more factual issue... .I think it is time for our attorney to re-engage in getting the records. Worth the money to know what is in there at the same time as evaluator and potentially their BPD mother

[nowwhat]

 x  x  MF   x  x

I know it is hard.  The Mother hasn't made claims against me... .yet... .I am grouped with dh as being an alcoholic, aggressive, verbally abusive... .but also she claims that I am on drugs and not right of mind.  She claims that dh is stalking her and driving by her house all the time.  She claims that it is my dd (from previous marriage) who is accused of the inappropriate relationship.  Forget the ract that The Mother was sleeping with a then 10 year old while he had no clothes on.  Forget the fact that The Mother was running her house as a nudest camp for the boy (clothing was optional for him).  Forget the fact that the boy developed an incontenence issue with in weeks of coming home from a weeks vacation with her.  And, forget the fact that we never said she did it.  Never.  In fact we never brought up sexual abuse, she did... .she asked how we could be be pointing our fingers at her brother, then she asked how we could be pointing our fingers at her brother and father.  At a doctor's appointment she said she didn't know she was being accused of sexual abuse, that is the first time that came up... .she brought it up.  Then she pointed her finger at my then 11 year old daugher.  Coupling paranoia with the projections are the scary part.  You never know which is which.  I would say that we are lucky on one point... .The Mother comes off nuts and a bit scary.

The Mother is not remarried.  At this point it is hard to imagine that anyone would have her, but she does seem to get a lot of men to drive her around.

You don't have to get the attorney to do it.  You hubby (since he is the bio parent) should be able to do it if he can take some time off from work.         

[mfamily]

What ever happened with your evaluation? We heard from out attorney that the interviews of the family are done and he is conducting the discovery portion and write up. No estimated timelines. But our attorney was shocked that she never produced documentation per court order. She sent out reminders that this is contempt of court and 6 months passed.

So our interest in medical records is coming through this channel as it shows non compliance to law.

Needless to say, the exchanges have been heated. The kids are getting some extra verbal and physical abuse. And we are loosing our patience.

I am hoping there is better news on your end... .

[risingabove]

Hi,

I'm a father of two young boys 2 and 4 years old.  The mother is undiagnosed BPD.  BPD mother has successfully manipulated the Court and kept my boys and I apart for 9 months by making numerous false and heinous accusations involving allegations of DV and sexual mis-conduct.  All of which took 9 months to disprove.  BPD mother remains staunchly defiant with Court orders and is supposed to be in therapy and provide the contact info of her therapist so that I might talk with him/her.  She will not do so.  Now that the Court has ordered unsupervised visitation rights for me, BPD mother is becoming nervous that the truth of her illness will come to light.  I am compelled to ask the Court to order an Eval., but have no idea how to do so.  I've already undergone one (to get my kids back) and it was what allowed me to win the most recent victory to see my children.  I'm thinking that limited exposure to the BPD mother is what's in their best interests as they've already been diagnosed with separation anxiety disorder.  I'm very concerned about my children as all of the research demonstrates that both genetics and environment play equal roles in the development of BPD in children.  There's nothing I can do about the genetics, but I want to limit their exposure to the environmental stress as much as possible.   Does anyone have suggestions on a good Evaluator that won't let the wool get pulled over his/her eyes in Northern California? 

[Broken123]

Just answer honestly and don't be afraid to give examples of her behavior. Remember the evaluator is very familiar with this disorder and your stories wont surprise them.

DCPP ordered psychological evaluation for both my daughter and myself. We did fine.

Spouse with BPD had psychological and psychiatric evaluation at which time BPD was confirmed. Thank God! Prior to this she's been able to fool everybody. Remember, the counselors deal with this every day and they should be able to see through her act.