I'll be honest, this thread depressed the hell out of me
I'm just about to enter a divorce with my BPDw, she walked out with our 18 month old boy, and filed for a permanent judicial separation, I just gave up and told her to divorce altogether.
I haven't seen my son since she walked out, because I come to tears just thinking of him, he's my everything that guy, I'm not the type of dad that goes out too often, I come from the office and would spend it playing with him 'till he went to bed.
Now I'm building up the courage to see him for the first time this weekend, I just wraped to huge toys for him, but it's the fear of being sad everytime I let go that may drive me away, I don't know how much of this I can take, every goodbye, every look in his eyes, yeah I do chicken out in my thoughts and say best to leave it altogether so he wouldn't know at all sometimes.
What a curse this illness is, it devours lives, it consumes souls, crushes families apart
I will try my best to see him, and keep seeing him, he means the world to me, and I'll be damned if I will lose him to this curse.
I'm going to try.