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Think About It... An individual’s overall life functioning is linked closely to his level of emotional maturity or differentiation. People select ... partners who have the same level of emotional maturity.
Emotional immaturity manifests in unrealistic needs and expectations. ~ Murray Bowen, M.D.
97
Poll
Question: Is your partner diagnosed or undiagnosed or in treatment?
diagnosed not in treatment/doesnt believe diagnoses - 0 (0%)
diagnosed in dbt - 4 (20%)
diagnosed in other kind of therapy - 2 (10%)
undiagnosed not in therapy - 10 (50%)
undiagnosed in therapy/couple counselling - 2 (10%)
suspect bpd or other possible PD - 2 (10%)
Total Voters: 20

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Author Topic: Diagnosed or not?  (Read 1060 times)
dados76
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« on: November 10, 2009, 12:08:08 PM »
i guess im just curious.. what the status is for a lot of people.. its possible that bad behavior can be related to a lot of other disorders.. or addiction.. i think too.. sometimes having validation that -something- is off from a T can help a lot w/acceptance that something is wrong.. guessing can be kind of crazymaking.
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MaybeSo
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« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2009, 02:02:56 PM »
My bf has been diagnosed with cyclothymia and generalized anxiety disorder, but I don't think he's ever formally been formally dx with BPD.  I have a degree in counseling psychology, but I can't really 'diagonose' a loved-one, BPD just seemed to be the best fit for what I was seeing in him and how his behavior affected both of us, and others in his life, too.  I suggested he see a DBT therapist because in my opinion, he met a lot of the critera for BPD, or at least for having some significant BPD traits.  After dating him for about a year, I started showing some traits myself!  I don't know if the DBT therapist has given him a formal dx or not... I've not asked, I only know there has been marked improvement since DBT, especially the last 3-4 months. 
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united for now
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« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2009, 07:32:37 PM »
Undiagnosed.
Unacknowledged.
Untreated.

In other words -avoidance -  total denial - absolute projection  cry

What I'm left with is I have to work on the only thing I can control - ME  grin
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Change your perceptions and you change your life.  Nothing changes without changes
DragoN
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« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2009, 08:06:59 PM »
Quote
Undiagnosed.
Unacknowledged. <---semi sort of not exactly, the dance of denial.
Untreated.

In other words -avoidance -  total denial - absolute projection   cry

What I'm left with is I have to work on the only thing I can control - ME   grin
Same boat unfortunately.
* hands UFN a tissue *
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peacebaby
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« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2009, 08:24:13 PM »
My SO is diagnosed and in DBT. When we became involved, she had already been diagnosed with PTSD and PMDD, and as time passed I felt there was more wrong, and I found BPD, and she agreed it looked like her. I believe that her diagnosis with the SSI people is BPD, as it was at the DBT program where she was treated for six months recently.

But what is the theory behind the thread? Is it the concept that maybe lots of people who seem to have BPD but aren't diagnosed may really not have BPD?

Peacebaby
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eeyore
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« Reply #5 on: November 10, 2009, 08:26:46 PM »
I'm not sure.  Mine is wishy washy, suffers from abandonment fear, and has many behaviors that are common.  But I've never been certain if he's BPD or he's just suffering from fleas from his ex of 16/17 years.  Now that I've been with him I also suffer from abandonment fears from him breaking up with me abruptly.  I would describe mine as impetuous.  To me it doesn't matter who has a dx but how the behaviors are dealt with.  Mine is sucessful and have many great qualities that do overcome the negative things.  

As of lately he's been consistent, very committal, open minded, and easier to discuss issues with.  I can say the skills I have learned here have been invaluable in all areas of my life.  

On my side he finds me to be high maintenance in that his opinion is I require more emotional affirmation than other women.  I'd be interested in defining what this means.  
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eeyore
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« Reply #6 on: November 10, 2009, 08:27:13 PM »
Quote from: peacebaby on November 10, 2009, 08:24:13 PM
My SO is diagnosed and in DBT. When we became involved, she had already been diagnosed with PTSD and PMDD, and as time passed I felt there was more wrong, and I found BPD, and she agreed it looked like her. I believe that her diagnosis with the SSI people is BPD, as it was at the DBT program where she was treated for six months recently.

But what is the theory behind the thread? Is it the concept that maybe lots of people who seem to have BPD but aren't diagnosed may really not have BPD?

Peacebaby

Good question.
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MaybeSo
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« Reply #7 on: November 10, 2009, 08:54:42 PM »
On my side he finds me to be high maintenance in that his opinion is I require more emotional affirmation than other women.

My bf says something similar about me... if I understand him correctly...

He indicates that he has NEVER been with/met a woman who consistently calls him on his 'stuff' the way I do.

Again, what exactly does that mean?   Don't really know.
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eeyore
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« Reply #8 on: November 10, 2009, 08:58:15 PM »
Quote from: MaybeSo on November 10, 2009, 08:54:42 PM
On my side he finds me to be high maintenance in that his opinion is I require more emotional affirmation than other women.

My bf says something similar about me... if I understand him correctly...

He indicates that he has NEVER been with/met a woman who consistently calls him on his 'stuff' the way I do.

Again, what exactly does that mean?   Don't really know.

very interesting.  He's never indicated that I call him on his stuff.  But I think that you may have a great point.  I'll have to ask some questions and see what he says. 
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dados76
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« Reply #9 on: November 10, 2009, 09:28:41 PM »
Quote
But what is the theory behind the thread? Is it the concept that maybe lots of people who seem to have BPD but aren't diagnosed may really not have BPD?

Quote
i guess im just curious.. what the status is for a lot of people.. its possible that bad behavior can be related to a lot of other disorders.. or addiction.. i think too.. sometimes having validation that -something- is off from a T can help a lot w/acceptance that something is wrong

wink im a simple guy pb.. if i dont know.. i ask.. i forget a lot.. who has somebody who is in therapy.. who isnt.. whose dx'ed and working on it or not or w/e.. so i asked..

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JGirl2
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« Reply #10 on: November 10, 2009, 09:35:05 PM »
My ex of what I know he was diagnosed with depression, anxiety attacks, ADHD.  Through a psychiatric test we both took he has issues with hypochondriac behavior, low self image, feeling worthlessness, low self-esteem, issues functioning independently, Passive Aggressive behavior, etc..  He is a mess...
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peacebaby
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« Reply #11 on: November 10, 2009, 10:15:54 PM »
Quote
im a simple guy pb.. if i dont know.. i ask.. i forget a lot.. who has somebody who is in therapy.. who isnt.. whose dx'ed and working on it or not or w/e.. so i asked..
Cool. I forget a lot myself.

This is what made me ask:
Quote
its possible that bad behavior can be related to a lot of other disorders.. or addiction.
I thought you were implying that perhaps some people without the BPD diagnosis were actually simply addicts or had other disorders other than BPD.

Peacebaby
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dados76
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« Reply #12 on: November 10, 2009, 10:31:01 PM »
dont usually imply wink makes people ask what im implying lol

i guess.. i go from my partner who has a bunch of disorders.. if i can remember it all ptsd.. ocd.. ppd.. avpd.. BPD.. sad..and is a recovering addict.. some of his BPD stuff is also addict stuff.. some is made worse by other disorders.. so.. hard to say what is BPD and whats not..
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« Reply #13 on: November 10, 2009, 11:21:20 PM »
Quote from: dados76 on November 10, 2009, 10:31:01 PM
dont usually imply wink makes people ask what im implying lol

i guess.. i go from my partner who has a bunch of disorders.. if i can remember it all ptsd.. ocd.. ppd.. avpd.. BPD.. sad..and is a recovering addict.. some of his BPD stuff is also addict stuff.. some is made worse by other disorders.. so.. hard to say what is BPD and whats not..

I think that all the time..  Lately I have looked into Asperger's syndrome as a possibility...  His interpersonal skills are so poor.  The repetitiveness of his actions..  Borderline seems like a catch all to me sometimes...
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TamiT

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« Reply #14 on: November 11, 2009, 05:51:35 AM »
Mine is in the process of being dx'd now.  He has been told there is a pd but they're not sure if it is BPD or bi-polar.  Since my bf struggles with addiction they are having a little difficulty determining. 
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dea0328
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« Reply #15 on: November 11, 2009, 09:12:56 AM »
My H not diagnosed but we both agree he is BPD, fits just about all the criteria. Maybe even tendencies of other PD. Refuses treatment, thinks he can make changes on his own  rolleyes Has agreed to talk to our pastor recently but I highly doubt that he will go through with any kind of counseling/treatment. Right now I'm trying really hard to focus on ME and control ME.
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Wanda
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« Reply #16 on: November 11, 2009, 09:41:00 AM »
 WEll most know my story undiagnoised doesn't beleive there could be any problem with him, so i just work on me, and those skills and tools and boundaries which makes things so much better!
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Letting go of what was or what you thought was, and accepting what is, is all part of the piece to the puzzle  we need to move forward.
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« Reply #17 on: November 11, 2009, 10:36:43 AM »
Quote from: united for now on November 10, 2009, 07:32:37 PM
Undiagnosed.
Unacknowledged.
Untreated.

In other words -avoidance -  total denial - absolute projection  cry

What I'm left with is I have to work on the only thing I can control - ME  grin
you me same.
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Cast in this unlikely role, Ill-equipped to act, With insufficient tact, One must put up barriers, To keep oneself intact. - Limelight by Rush
Auspicious
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« Reply #18 on: November 11, 2009, 12:19:34 PM »
Diagnosed several times with BPD, each time in a hospital (where she can be observed). Her "normal" diagnosis is bipolar (which do I believe she also has).

Just started DBT. Like, one session.
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