DIFFERENCES|COMORBIDITY: Borderline PD and Alcohol Dependence

[lifeline12]

Alcohol is but a symptom. It is a disease of the mind and body, emotional dis regulation , Basic human instinct gone awry. Most alcholics have NPD or NPD traits, but do recover if they have the capacity to be honest with themselves
They drink to cope from feelings of insecurity, low self esteem, past trauma, they really don't have a good sense of who they are and rarely feel part of.hey really stop growing emotionally when they start to drink. In other words they're growth is stunted from the time they started drinking. 10 11 12 yrs of age.
yes they are a mess and it is very possible they are BPD and used alcohol to hid/cope with it. They always knew they were different but they might not know why. AA teaches them to first admit they have a problem and they're lives are unmanageable, turn it over to a higher power, make a list of all those who harmed them, see they're part, make direct amends where ever possible except when to do so would hurt them or the other. take inventory each night and if they hurt anyone to quickly ask for forgiveness, then pay it forward.

[Marathoncathy]

My ex became a raging lunatic when he drank..when with me. He is from the UK and drinking is a lifestyle for him even at 44 now- pub and Rockabilly music scene, etc. -At first this was exciting to me as I have a conservative life in general with a serious job- and  love to balance it by going out to dance or have a drink or two on occasion    But this became impossible with him. He would rant and rave, refuse to eat or get me a meal when I was hungry, jump out of cars, leave hotels and take cabs home up to 100 miles away (while unemployed) over a minor issue, embarrass me in public, and one time did $5000 dollars damage to my car by scratching S..t, b...ch and wh...e in the paint job.   This is just the tip of the iceberg.

He only seemed to act out this way..with me. On his own at a pub..with mates..no problem. He could drink all night with them..no probEm. One or two beers with me.. He turned into the Tasmanian devil.

Can anyone explain this?

[colt81522]

Believe me, this is not just a behavior in BPD males. My BPD SOgf also drinks excessively. When she does it while were alone together, inevitably she will begin to spew anger at me, often followed by hurtful personal comments. This is her true self projecting the feelings about herself she cannot deal with onto me. One of her favorite pastimes is going out to bars, meeting strangers (mostly men) and being a seductive, vivacious party girl, although at age 47 I'd hardly call her a "girl." It's the notorious BPD false self on display. The motivation seems to be her unending need to be told how perfect, beautiful, sexy, and desirable she is because her inner self - her true self - believes the opposite.

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[Forever]

My ex was the same way at bars she would constantly drink too much and would flirt and dance with other men. I didn't get jealous but a few times I went outside and just waited in the car just tO see how long before she noticed I was gone. But she would always talk about how much the young boys loved her and at 44 she did look good for her age. But she did seek approval of strangers all the time. 

[1brokenwing]

Hey MC, I think alcohol effects people in different ways, but generally it disinhibits them and so the volume on " who they are" is going to be turned up.  Sometimes it acts as a sedative to an anxious or ADHD person, a stimulant to a depressed person, as gasoline to someone with anger management issues.  There are many, many folks out there with what's called "co-occurring disorders" that is, a mental illness AND a substance abuse disorder. These are people who may be trying to self-medicate the bad feelings brought on by their mental illness. Hope this helps! Also, one of the symptoms of BPD is sudden angry outbursts and mood swings so I cannot imagine these getting any better with being under the influence.  The xbpdbf in my life seem to need alcohol and mj to calm him down as he was also dx with very ADHD.  He was calmer with both...

[Marathoncathy]

Forever:

My ex did the peacock routine in bars too..wanting to dance with other women..who were fairly aggressive towards him..in front of me. It ruined our New Years Eve one time..with my leg in a brace from a ski accident...from a trip I took him on for an Xmas present... he took me to a bar with a band...and started dancing with other women in front of me. I was not that great at stroking him as he was a grown man it seemed so foolish to need that...and I could no tolerate that kind ok disrespect. We were engaged but broke up over that behavior and others...for instance keeping in touch with past hook ups he is now once again frequenting back out in the bar scene. This really broke my heart as our life together had a lot of substance to it and was future oriented...I supported him to get back in school to finish a degree. But the emotional abuse became worse and worse  in addition to the pea cocking...the silent treatment and other awful behavior I had never experienced from anyone before. He begged me to get engaged..I was  reluctant but eventually agreed...when we broke up he see,Ed perfectly ok and told me he was wiping our three years fro his mind. He really ended up hating me despite how caring and supportive I was to him. I stood up to his abuse but always showed I cared and encouraged him to get help. He did for awhile, then did some type of triangulation with his mom and ex girlfriends and friends against me. There was at least emotional incest between him and his mom, if not more, and he had friends he would not introduce me to who he claimed hated me. I could not understand his Mom, who may also be borderline...not supporting her so. To get psycho.logical help or help for alcoholism...but that's what happened. He chose all these people...all of them to some degree mentally I'll over me and us. Still don't quite know what hit me. can anyone identify with this and help me understand...what happened?