We are most likely wounded and contributing to our own difficulties.

Step 3 - Look in the mirror


The order of Step 3 and Step 4 can be interchanged or pursued concurrently. We all process these things differently.

Did know that 74% of the members of BPDFamily are experiencing some level of depression? Did you know that many of the members of this board are grieving and don't realize it. The stages of grief include: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance (Kübler-Ross).

Did you know that as partners of people with borderline personality disorder we often suffer from low self-esteem or exhibit narcissistic tendencies, or codependent tendencies - or had very difficult parents or entered into the relationship at a very vulnerable point in our life?

You may be wounded too, and that suffering can be contributing to your difficulties right now. Your wounds could have been acquired in this relationship, or from a prior partner or friend. You might still be hurting from wounds from your childhood. It's easy to overlook how these wounds can factor into your behaviors. We often miss this point because our partners disorder may eclipse our own. By focusing only on the drama and your partner's disorder, you can neglect core issues of your own.

It is very important that we stop and take a look at ourselves - with the help of others - even professionals if we can. The goal here is not solve our life long issues, but to get to a realistic perspective on ourselves.

Through this process we will learn things that will help us immensely with the decision we are soon to make. Knowing our own strengths, weaknesses, issues, dependencies, etc. will be helpful.