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I feel like before I met BPDex I was living in kind of my own bubble.

I went to work,  played video games, minded my own business.  Generally I wouldn't say I was happy overly but I was getting by and doing ok.

I feel like the "bubble" has burst.

I look around me and I just see bull___ everywhere,  my brain is going 100mph from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed.  I can't slow it down,  I can't just "chill out" because I'm constantly thinking about either her or what happened or what we have done to people.

It's a real problem,  I don't feel like I fit in anymore,  I look at people just going about their business like drones and I'm like,  what is going on.

I feel you man.

I was the exact opposite way. I was big into raving. Always gloving (led light show toy), kicked it with friends hardcore, dancing with new girls every night but never dated any.(never date a rave girl lol) I was generally happy. Eat. Sleep Rave. Repeat. I had a job too and played video games. 

Then with her came the bubble i stopped going out all the time. Saw my friends less and less until they all but disappeared. Couldn't rave anymore because she was insecure about me with other girls. Didnt glove as much too busy attending to her needs to the point that i got rusty...

Then we split the first time it took two months of NC to get my head back... then i started raving again met all kinds of new friends. Life was great and i was meditating, getting closer to my inner spirit, and even joined a sponsored team for gloving. Then came the recycle and since ive been such a seclude. With a constant mind on her, even my dreams. Im up till 5 am trying to fall asleep anymore.

Yes most people feel like ghosts to me anymore... because honestly i long for her company... anyone elses feels inadequate and hollow.

All distractions from what my heart longs for.   

Inferno what did you identify your ex as when you fist met her? Began to fall for her? And then during the idealization phase?

How did that make you feel durring those phases? Who did you feel you were to her?

Hey InfernO,

It sounds like your mind is a rushing, turbulent river.  Does this seem like an accurate description?

If so, perhaps you could try sitting on the figurative riverbank for a while, just watching the current go by.

Then when you are ready, get back in your kayak and into the stream again.

(Yes, I'm talking about mindfulness meditation).

Good luck on your journey,

LuckyJim

I get the same. Feels like Im playing things over in my head on constant loop.

The way I deal with it is by distraction. I watch films or serious that have nothing to remind me of her. Action films, sci-fi etc. As long as theres no romantic involvement or anything to remind me of her then I can get lost in the movie and give my brain a break. It does get better though. Unfortunately it can be a slow and painful process.

It is very possible to tame the mind. As Lucky Jim pointed out, meditation can help achieve the lost calmness. The rampant cyclic thoughts are not caused by anything other than an untrained mind. Sure, there was a spark that set it into motion, namely the shock of having been intimate with a BPD partner, but at the end of the day after the storm, the unchecked mind is ours to own. Taming the mind and making it sharp takes practice and time. The mind is a very useful tool. We can't survive without it. We are the masters of our minds, not the other way around. No other person has power over us unless we give it to them. We take back our power when we meditate analytically and arrive at our truth. One of the greatest truths is that this human existence is impermanent by nature. The very nature of life is change. We all posses the potential to change.