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Title: Wow... maybe he really DOES mean it. Post by: Michelle27 on February 19, 2015, 10:31:46 PM Not going to get into the whole long story, but we had reached the point where I made it clear that in order for me to continue in this marriage, he needed to get help. After years of me doing the legwork for him and him sabotaging it all, I put his stuff in his lap and told him I am now going to take care of myself and he needed to take care of himself. Placed clear boundaries in place including a timeline in which I was clear on what I needed to see to know in order for me to begin to heal and be able to work on our marriage together. I've been in therapy myself for months working on me, and while he did start CBT classes, he and I both know it's DBT that he needs. He's been putting that off for months and just when I had decided he was stringing me along and I was resigning myself to the idea that I've done what I can, other than continue my own growth, and today he surprised me with the news that he has an intake appointment with our local Mental Health organization for starting DBT. The intake appointment is next week.
It's too soon to celebrate, but I honestly didn't think he would go this far on his own. I am cautiously optimistic. Title: Re: Wow... maybe he really DOES mean it. Post by: Restored2 on February 19, 2015, 10:48:30 PM Michelle27: Sounds like a HUGE step in the right direction... .
Title: Re: Wow... maybe he really DOES mean it. Post by: vortex of confusion on February 19, 2015, 11:08:11 PM |iiii
It is awesome when they surprise you with something like this. Being cautiously optimistic is a good thing. Title: Re: Wow... maybe he really DOES mean it. Post by: Restored2 on February 19, 2015, 11:17:24 PM It's an awesome surprise. Being cautiously optimistic is wise.
Title: Re: Wow... maybe he really DOES mean it. Post by: OnceConfused on February 20, 2015, 09:51:34 AM It sounds very hopeful.
DBT is also about learning to be mindful of one's emotion so that one can recognize it and keep it in check. You will have to make sure he practices the mindfulness out side of the therapy sessions. Changing BPD behaviors is like trying to change an imprint on a concrete patio, one has to shave off a little bit every day the old imprint. Title: Re: Wow... maybe he really DOES mean it. Post by: Michelle27 on February 20, 2015, 11:25:41 AM That is very similar to how he described it. Once he accepted that there was something wrong with his thinking patterns (years after I figured it out and attempted to get him to understand but he dismissed), he says he realizes that his thought patterns are like ruts in the 4 by 4 trails that go the wrong way. His thoughts automatically go into those "ruts" and now he has to not only avoid those ruts but learn to create new ones.
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