BPDFamily.com

This time of year can be so hard for us. Some of us have family to go and visit (or coming to visit us) that we'd rather not see. It ties us up in knots just knowing it is coming in a few weeks.  :( Others have family that they've found necessary to step away from in order to allow for our personal healing from the trauma of our childhoods. No matter what, we often miss them who we wish they would be to and for us, and it is painful and hurts.

So with those thoughts in mind, I think it's time for us here on PSI, our online family, to come together and decorate our Christmas tree and join together in a safe family where you each belong and don't need to be afraid to join in.  

Let's focus on the positive in this thread instead of our pain. What I need help with is in decorating our tree. The 'ornaments' are going to be the positive things we see in our lives, nor matter how big or how small. We need all sizes of ornaments, big small, and in between. Some ideas can be: "kindness" because you were kind to yourself today;  "quietness" because you took time to sit down and reflect and pause for 3 minutes to self care today.

Please hang one ornament per thread and tell us why you are hanging that ornament on our tree. Come back as often as you like to hang another ornament. It will take a whole lot of decorating to get our tree covered! I'll start us off so you get the idea.

The ornament I am hanging is confidence because I have seen this year how much more confidence I have in myself. I started a new part time job in January 2018, and then was transferred laterally to a new position and hired in full time. Through this year and all these changes, I have seen myself walk confidently into my new work environments (twice!) and I am amazed to watch myself. I am not who I was 6 years ago, even 2 years ago!

Please join me since I can't do this all myself. Who will bring the hot chocolate and marshmallows? How about some logs to put in the fireplace? Let's have some fun!  

 
Woolsie

Ok, so here's a Christmas tree to start things off:

(https://bit.ly/2BzIXif)

 

I'll provide the Christmas crackers, courtesy of Sir Gary Larson:
(https://i.pinimg.com/750x/3a/6e/e5/3a6ee5a36d630a060add637c72a4dd9c.jpg)

I'll put up a an airy ornament: space.

       space to do things at my own pace

       space not to react to panicky messages in an instant, but to allow some time and distance before replying

       space to allow myself to feel and to accept my own feelings

       space to be just me... .


Libra.

I am going to hang Peace.  

I had the first peaceful Thanksgiving Day of my life.  I was more than just okay like in more recent years.  I was good with where things are.  I felt warm, content, happy, and loved *and* liked by my brother, nephew and SIL.  I was conscious of the past but more focused on the present and truly at peace.  First time ever.  I am celebrating this because I think it was a milestone for me... .hopefully giving me a glimpse of the future.

Wow that is brilliant. An important milestone. In fact that is so good, you should get yourself a present. I've started to feel more peaceful at times, maybe its infectious ?  Beagles forever !
   
One small detail, if you are going to hang peace, wouldn't that kill it ?

 HappyC!  Maybe it can be one of those that are just placed on a tree branch.  It would be okay if it falls or Parrot flies off with it... .peace is to be shared, right?

I am glad you are getting to a place of more peace HappyC.  It has been a long hard but worthy battle right? 

I will hang an ornament to honor ourselves, each, as individuals. My ornament is a phrase, and one I'm hearing more and more often lately ... ."To thine own self be true." ... . 

Harri,

That is so beautiful.
It made me smile and wipe away a tear at the same time.

Wishing you many happy peaceful days, nay weeks, nay eons!

 

Libra.

(https://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c392/mightymuncher/OCCASIONS/CHRISTMAS/a13_1.gif)
I'm hanging the ornament of "ACCEPTANCE".  I accept that the only person I have control over is myself.  I am responsible for managing my own emotions, actions and boundaries.

I accept that I can't change the person in my life with BPD or BPD traits. They have to make the choice to get help and accept responsibility for their actions. Although this person may exhibit improved behavior from time to time, it is likely that trouble is around the corner.

I accept that I can choose the level of contact I engage in and that I can change that level from time to time.  I accept the responsibility to enforce my own boundaries.  I accept that for me, I can't do any more episodes of making up and moving forward as if nothing ever happened

PS:  Woolspinner200:  Great thread!  Very creative.

I’d like to add some big, goofy, unbridled laughter! This includes being present in the moment so that I can enjoy the humor in life’s moments, and without any fear or need to censor or stifle big belly laughs or a case of the giggles.

Love, love, love it you guys!  

These ornaments are the most beautiful of all that I've ever seen on a tree, truly! You all make my heart rejoice!

Now if we can just get the animals to behave... .all the puppies and the parrots! The llamas are fine though.  

Today I'm going to hang my ornament of quietness.
-I am quiet in my soul, staying in the moment, a rare gift to myself of not being anxious about all that is going on around me. Quietness joins the glory of Harri & HC's peace (hooray!), No-one's acceptance, Libra's space, Sklamath's laughter, and my confidence.

Take a step back and see how beautiful it already looks!  
We need more ornaments though. Lots more room on those branches! Who is tall enough to put something near the top?

 
Wools

Today I too place a phrase:

I have meaning.

That is something I have been working on realizing and embracing for a while now.

I want to also hang an ornament of radical accepting, specifically that 1. I have finally accepted that my parent has BPD, which has been such a game changer and that 2. in the midst of the chaos with a BPD parent their can still be so much good.

I so often only post about the pain and anxiety my BPD parent causes me, but this thread (and a page from the book "Stop Walking on Egg Shells") reminded me that if there wasn't something positive about the BPD person, if they were compeltely rotten, you wouldn't  maintain a relationship with them. So, I would also like to hang a couple ornaments to celebrate the good in my BPD parent:

-resiliency
-generosity
-love
-creativity
-empathy

Merry Christmas!

I had a couple of strangers go out of their way to help me this afternoon.  I was in trouble and sitting in my car trying to figure out a solution, they saw I needed help and came to my rescue.  It never occurred to me to ask for help even!

So I am adding gratitude today.

Nicely done! Getting some colorful ornaments out there!

I forgot to note joha242's phrase "to thine own self be true," and Harri's phrase "I have meaning." I think the phrases, since they're longer, remind me of icicles that we all used to hang on our trees as kids. We definitely need some added sparkle here and there (and some static electricity too! Anyone remember that? 

Jasmine, I see your beauty placed carefully there as well, for us all to admire, thank you!

Did someone say they'd play some Christmas Carols while we enjoy the hot chocolate and crackling fireplace and decorate the tree?

 
Wools

Love this idea!

Today I am hanging the ornament of contentment. Today I will be content with what I have, where I am right now(much improvement over the environment I used to be in) and the stage of the process of healing that I am in right now (again, an improvement over where I was).

I will be content with this day, this moment, right now, and appreciate it in real time.

Blessings and peace,

Redeemed

I would like to hang an ornament that represents Hope

I recently felt that I had lost all hope, and losing hope is not a good place to be. Now I choose to have hope in my life. And in my heart too 

FB x

Hi Iamredeemed and welcome!  Contentment is so precious isn't it?

Feeling Better, it is always good to see you here.  Hope is a wonderful thing and so necessary to keep going on.   

Today I am hanging another phrase icicle (I love your imagination Wools!).  I am hanging "I belong"

Okay so who else is going to hang an ornament? 

My ornament is peace today. I’m aware that a centered person finds peace within themselves no matter the circumstances. Although I’m not quite centered yet, peace is bringing me closer. My T mentioned Viktor Frankl very early on in my therapy. A certain beagle has a quote by him at the bottom of her profile. We create our own peace regardless of the situation.

Did someone mention a beagle fan of viktor frankl?  She sounds awesome!  haha

Peace... .nice one JNChell. 

Peace to you and yours, always. 

She’s very awesome. Or so I’ve heard snooping around here.

patience... .cause i need to focus on it   

Patience, contentment, peace, belonging, and hope- each has added more sparkle and beauty to our tree. The decorating is coming along nicely!

I wish to hang truth today, because it is important that I see truth in myself. Not pulling the wool over my eyes anymore (rather punny don't you think?   ), but being true to allowing my feelings and seeing them. This is a healing step.

We still have time and room for some more ornaments. Please join in!

 
Wools

Today I would like to hang joy. It's something I haven't experienced in many years, and it is time that I find joy in life again.

Redeemed

I’m hanging virtue on the tree tonight. It’s important to stick by our values. Wavering can cause us great upset. BTW,  you all rock!

I'm hanging Positive Decisions and Change, and this is for the year. Despite the rocky end of 2017, 2018 I decided to propose to my partner of 7 years - she has been my rock, my inspiration, my reason for wanting me to be a better me and see a brighter future. Been able to travel twice this year overseas. Connected with Family, some of whom I've never met, that has been positive and this Christmas I will have a lot of family to celebrate with, plus lots of friends.

Laughter, Humor, Company of the Family I Choose

(https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/06/ff/ad/ea/crowne-plaza-chengdu.jpg)

Panda39

Oh Panda, that is awesome!

Hi Daniel!  Congrats on your engagement and for the wonderful ornament!  It sparkles quite brightly.

I am hanging my ornament of speaking up and finding my voice this season.

   Deirdre, that makes me so happy and I feel so proud for you. 

Today I hang determination.

Today I hang my hat and try to give myself an emotional breather.

I’m hanging reflection on the tree tonight because it’s something that I need to stay on top of. Where I am and where I’ve been.

Mmm... .these are all so so good. I love hearing about theses gifts to ourselves, for that is truly what they are.

Rather than hanging an ornament for myself today, I am quietly sitting back and watching you all decorating the tree. I am so very proud of my family, each one of you. How wonderful that we belong together.

 
Wools

wools, while sitting back and watching us, I hope you’re threading the popcorn. 

I'm hanging the chocolate ornaments... .hang on, ah, make that hanging the tin foil ornaments.

Hangs head sheepishly (or llama-ishly)... .actually I was eating the popcorn! It was the yummy sweet salty kind, and I just couldn't resist!

There are lots of cranberries left though.
Seems as if HC and I have the same problem. 

Wools

Acceptance... cuz I need it right now! 

vigor. my health is a lot better these days.

every tree needs more peanuts... .

(https://scontent-dfw5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/8764_3166708422297_1147731001_n.jpg?_nc_cat=109&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-1.xx&oh=dd17a20fbc7194d7928adfce64b7f263&oe=5C6A16EC)

  Very true.

I cant get an aussie Xmas wreathe up here

You can have unconditional acceptance Harri. Even if there was unpaid postage I’d accept you (this time of year).
My Dad was so mean he'd put a wreathe out each Christmas to commemorate the death of Santa Clause.

I'll hang hemispherical acceptance on the tree.

Board Parrot to the rescue:

(https://s3-ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.interiorsonline.com.au/uploads/blog/image/file_name/288/wreath3.jpg)

(https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1089/1214/files/65243bb55f4844076fbcd2fda189c324_grande.jpg?v=1542756234)




That's just wrong!

Hi Yamada!  The always helpful Parrot.     Those are beautiful wreaths, thank you.

HappyC, I am hugging the stuffing out of you right now... .can you feel it?  Don't even try to run because we beagles stick together and are quite persistent when we put our minds to something. 

For me, the ornaments I am hanging are Love, Peace & Silence through the night. Don’t worry Be Happy & Hopeful!

Very nice!

Thanks Parrot for the help!   Nice job there Manifest32f.   Love, peace and silence are all sparkling with the inner strength they have. yamada, did you chose one of the wreaths Parrot brought to hang over the hearth? Everyone gets to help decorate here!

Harri and HC, the nice thing about acceptance and celebration is that those things are intricately a part of our PSI family. Sometimes we hang our ornaments in faith and belief and hope. Those are my ornaments for today, all in a shining cluster. 

 
Woolsie

Today I load our tree up with optimism!

Today I’m hanging community on the tree. This community has blessed me and so many others.

Today I am putting up trust.  Growing trust in myself is helping to to have healthy trust in others.

Today I hang parrot playfulness

(https://i.pinimg.com/736x/ba/49/69/ba496903b6b079c968669d8242f196a0--bird-flying-birds-in-flight.jpg)

I have just got back from my final assessment appointment with my psychiatrist, and it could not have gone any better. I have my diagnosis!     

Because I am already so far along the recovery path, he has suggested CAT therapy, rather than trauma therapy to work on my fear of relationships and intimacy that occurred as a direct result of the trauma.

I am very happy with this result, and would like to hang my diagnosis for c-ptsd on the Christmas tree.     

Thank you bpdfamily for the part you have played in this. 

The ones at the bottom are complaining – Panda Moania ?

I’m going to hang forgiveness.  My Psyco/NPD bro, who’s supposed to be No Contact, tried harassing me for money all over the weekend. Didn’t work , but I’m still shaken (not stirred).

I hang, ever so carefully, belonging.

HappyC, thanks for the laugh!  Panda- moania  hahaha
Grrr... .but good for you getting through it fairly well.  No olive though?

Time for a warm up of hot chocolate. 

Today I am hanging a word icicle: staying the course.

We can get discouraged about our progress, the two steps forward and more than that back according to the way we feel. However it is important that we 'stay the course' and keep going towards our continued healing and present joy.

 
Wools

I would like to hang the ornament: knowledge

Because of this group and this website, I have so much more knowledge about BPD and how to deal with it, and boundaries and being able to live my own life, and that it is OKAY to be me!

BTW, I have to thank you all for your help these past few months. I couldn't have gotten through another holiday season without all of you!

freespirit, congrats on the diagnosis... .but only because that means you will get the help you need!  I am very happy for you.   

Parrot, playfulness is a wonderful thing to hang on the tree.  Thank you.  I forget about that sometimes. 

Wools, our feelings really can sometimes be a poor guide in terms of judging progress and healing.  I am glad you are seeing through that and staying the course!

JNChell, we are blessed to have you as part of our group.

cruiser23, celebrating with you! 

fun but instead of just the word fun I want a different word and a picture from one of my favorite Christmas movies:

Picture:  Lamp shaped like a Woman's leg in fishnet stockings

Word:  Fra- geel-ee

  

I’m hanging forgiveness by way of a poem:

You cut my leg off and hung it on a tree.
You said it was part of an Italian story,
I’m just grateful that I am alive not dead,
Because last year you sent me a horse head.

**Not seen the movie, so this might not work.

HappyC, who cares if it fits or not, that is funny as heck!

I am hanging Laughter (I think we already did that but you can never have too much laughter right?)

I love this idea and I'm here to hang my ornament! I also brought a Christmas song by my fave, Tom Petty. I hope it's okay.

My ornament is LOVE.

I got an out-of-the-blue hug from DD25 tonight. It reminded me that, despite her often hurtful words, she knows I'm on her side, that I love her. It reminded me that the work I'm doing here and in therapy, on myself, is worth every growing pain.

As promised, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers singing Christmas All Over:

https://youtu.be/gaPj1GoDpQw

~ OH

p.s. Please forgive Tom's short hair in this video. I think he temporarily forgot he was a rock and roll star.

Hi Only Human!  I am glad you joined us and what a wonderful ornament you have hung!  I'm so glad you daughter did that.

Tom Petty playing as we all celebrate sounds great too.

Today I hang calmness

I’ve not hung an ornament for a minute. Tonight I’m hanging progress on the tree. I’m better today than I was when I arrived here.

id like to hang "fun".

cause fun is fun, and we all need more of it in our lives!

Yes, you most definitely are JNChell!     

You are doing great.  

I’ve hung presents. You can all open one gift before Christmas, here they are:

Harri: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_Rfjl6tGW4

Once removed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5TqIdff_DQ

Only Human: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3wKzyIN1yk

Freespirit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ2cEc_TCH8

Time to brush up on my embarrassing Dad dance, for the kids.

Just noticed JNChell, the dark rider is also around the tree, here's your present:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VgdtTRZhag

Can I blame dyslexia for not seeing a shadowy rider ? Just remember, we are allowed mistakes on this forum. Viva mistakes !

I'll hang HAPPY on the tree today.
That has been my planned destination since starting my healing/understanding process, and with the help of a great T, this community, and of course my own work I have arrived.  It's my Christmas wish that everyone's journey takes them there. 

Hi drained!  What a great word and I am so pleased you have reached the place you  have worked so hard to get to.  It must feel grand!

 

Happy, thanks for gathering all of us Peanuts together in song and dance!  That was fun and charming and sweet and so you!  Thank you. 

Once, good to see you having fun!   

I see we are quickly getting more ornaments on the tree! Thanks everyone for pitching in. 
So what do you guys think? We seem to have presents arriving underneath for us to open too! What a special and awesome family that we belong to here! 

Wools

Thanks for the present, HappyChappy!

Here's one for you. This video makes me instantly happy as many of your posts do. The beat, the humor, the acting. It's all good. NSFW: profanity

https://youtu.be/QK8mJJJvaes

This next present is for all of us. I want us all to have it all. "May you have auspiciousness and causes of success

https://youtu.be/BFkTu8Y1KLs

Today, my ornament is Let Go.

My xMIL visited today. She's often invalidating of my DD, something I hadn't recognized until coming here. As the visit progressed, I noticed DD was tuning out. She wasn't being heard by xMIL so she checked out. I recognized this as DD doing what she needed to do to keep it together emotionally. In the past, I might have said or done something to ease her suffering. Maybe created a distraction, maybe tried to bring her back into the conversation, anything to "prevent" a blow up by DD. Today, I let it go. DD got through it without my intervention and I took myself out of the "everyone" that she speaks of when complaining about her life.

~ OH

Only Human, your post made me smile ear to ear and had my eyes filled with tears at the same time.  Truly beautiful!  Thank you

And today i hang Thankfulness

Love this idea and all the lovely gifts added here by the community these past several weeks 

Today, I hang Nourishment. As in a few special dishes that I am preparing on my own... .trying new things, honing my skills in a judgement-free space so perhaps someday I will be able to share them with others. But also spiritual nourishment. Prayer, quietness, and calming activities to restore a battered mind and spirit.

I love your ornament, aslowrealization.

All the love in this thread, all the beautiful ornaments, gifts, support. It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas around here =)

Tonight I'm hanging the word PROGRESS.

Like JNChell, I'm better today than when I got here. I'm better right now than I was two hours ago.

Onward!

~ OH

I’m hanging space tonight .

Kindness - hugs from new friends, words of encouragement from old ones, a conversation with a stranger, and self-kindness that says you can make mistakes and it will still be okay.

Today I hang acceptance... .again.   Truly it is a good thing but still

It's so awesome, this beautifully decorated tree! And everyone who has helped decorate it and now the presents underneath. 

Happy sighs.I rejoice with every single one of you with each positive that you have shared! Never a more beautiful family or tree or gifts were given to each other, and I think more importantly to ourselves. 

It's almost Christmas Eve. How shall we spend it?

I will be going to a Christmas Eve service. You?

 
Wools

Rest, sleep and relaxation.  It's all good.

Oh, and I feel like hanging cinnamon today too.  Such a warm scent.

You guys are so beautiful   

I would like to hang my appreciation for   bpdfamily forum   

You guys are recovery rock-stars and your presence in my life heals me.

 

Free spirit, well said I’ll second that, we are an awesome tribe. I’ll “Hang the DJ“ and ask "how soon is now" ? Who am I. (We always play charades at Christmas) 

Hi everyone :hi:

Yeah this holiday period can be a difficult time for many of us dealing with BPD family-members and/or memories of days gone by.

At least here we can have some fun

(https://i.etsystatic.com/13293819/c/1102/875/23/472/il/d79716/1711975414/il_340x270.1711975414_nyea.jpg)

Oh and by the way, Santa has been replaced, we now have:

(https://rlv.zcache.ca/santa_wolf_christmas_card_blank-r0f1cf9a72ab1439ba74f7abae1f04a6f_em0c6_307.jpg?rvtype=content)

The Christmas Wolf aka Wolf Santa aka Santa Wolf aka our very own Turkish!

The Board Parrot

Merry Christmas everyone! 

What did the Christmas Santa Wolf bring us? 

Board Parrot, you said - Yes, Indeed we can, Mr Parrot!     

Santa Wolf brought me, standing on my own two feet at #MyResilientHeart   

(https://i.ibb.co/GVVXg06/48404878-612477489171561-9051794677564440576-n.jpg) (https://ibb.co/Xzz9mbQ)

PS, you are looking very sharp in your Christmas photo CRB 

Merry Christmas everyone!   

Ok. Scrooge is here to contribute. I’m hanging the strings of popcorn because Wools ate the first attempt. Apparently llamas like popcorn. FYI, if you have a pet llama and enjoy popcorn,  take precautions.  Merry Christmas everyone.

HC, that’s a great tune. Townes Van Zandt covering the Stones. Have you seen the movie?

HappyChappy you said -
I didn't see your gift until now, and I also have dyslexia.Thank you for my Gift HappyChappy 


I would like to place the Gift of Recovery Community under the tree #SoulFamily   

GAYATRI MANTRA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKl7A1tsbxc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKl7A1tsbxc)

Thank you 

I would like to hang a ornament to no regrets.

I always worried that if I set boundaries and something happened to my BPD mother I would regret it. She passed away 2 weeks ago and I have no regrets.

Merry Christmas all!

Marcie, no regrets is an awesome ornament and it looks mighty fine on our tree.

Everyone, we have ornaments, popcorn, music, recovery, humor, llamas, santa wolves and parrots and each other here.  I am so thankful for all of you.

 

Marcie, that's a beautiful ornament to hang, especially given your recent circumstances. 

JNChell, I'm glad someone finally hung the popcorn.   The cranberries were too sour to eat. With all these animals and a bird around, well, you just need to keep your eyes open!

Blessings to all my PSI family!

 
Woolsie llama

Libra,
What a lovely ornament you have chosen. I would love, at some point, to add this one to my last. Albeit, I’m still very reactive when it comes to the urgent, emotionally charged messages. Those are the fastest for me to reply to, and to act on. Perhaps I will make this one of my new year resolution.

I also want to add one ornament- focusing on the positives, things I do have in my life. I have amazing children, who despite their turbulent upbringing are kind, compassionate and adjusted. My uBPDh who made it possible, for me to receive a Christmas present I couldn’t have wished or hoped for. My uBPDh hysterionic mother, who despite her impulsiveness is still alive, and has a husband by her side, for the home I can coma back to after my trip, for my almost finished education, for possible job prospects, for possibilities of a better life. I have it all. I woke up by myself this morning, my legs carried me around, my body digested food and took the nutrients I needed to keep me alert and partaking in my kid’s activities. I’m great full for everything I have.

They need to remake Santa Paws, but with wolves.

Mixing Wolves and kids ! That would be more “The Texas wolf pack massacre.” or  “Blood soaked Santa !”  Are you available for children’s parties Turk ?

I’m hanging acceptance. I can now watch the news without feeling I need to start an up rising, or write a joke. Anyone else find CPTSD makes you rebellious ?

It’s the day after Christmas, but I’m hanging the ornament of gratefulness. My Son was treated so well yesterday. I’m very grateful for that. He had a great Christmas.

Rest assured old chap, our Santa Wolf isn't like that at all:

(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c6/f3/0f/c6f30f0c76eb76047e5b3e4637ef9124.jpg)

But now back to this important question:
So what did you bring us Turk... .uh I mean Santa Wolf?

@JNChell
I'm glad you had such a great time with your son yesterday

Thanks, Kwamina. Happy Chappy, again, the humor. Thanks for the laughs!

C-PTSD can definitely bring out rebellion. Possibly, that rebellion is defense. Digging deeper, perhaps at times it’s unnecessary defense. Hypervilligance?

It’s a wild ride with this stuff, HC. I don’t have answers, I’m learning along side you and glad to know you. We have stuff in common. Happy Holidays, HC.

 

Let me hang a little love in the tree.
Because we all deserve that 

@JNChell I think you’re onto something there. I remember being sent to see the head master first day at the new school, mainly to point out I bite back. Or maybe a sign of being my BPDs scapegoat.

@FreeSpirit I read 57% of dyslexics experienced physical abuse as a child, against a norm of 7%. But then again, I might not have read that right. We're also excellent problem solvers, so you would probably do well at an IQ test.

I'm also hanging love. Wot like Fie just done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWJX6WCw0Dk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWJX6WCw0Dk)

Something especially for Wools (llama lips hit and run!   )

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Panda39

  Love it Panda39! What a cute llama!

I especially like that mistletoe appearing out of nowhere.