BPDFamily.com

I (21M) live with my uBPDgf (26F), which means that we've been spending almost all of our time together during the ongoing Covid-19 crisis. Both our workplaces have sent us home until august, so we haven't and wont have work for a total of 5 months. This has been really tough for my girlfriend as she's a workaholic and relies on her job to keep her routine and lessen the severity of some of her BPD traits.

Every other day or so, she falls into her depressive episode, where "everything is pointless" and "there's no point in life because the world is bad anyway". She loses the will to do anything at all even though she has plenty of time for hobbies. Around bedtime, her thoughts worsen as she realizes that she's spent the whole day on the couch.

I got a new job last week, which means that I'm away from 9 - 5 leaving her at home alone during this time. I end up coming home to a sad, hopeless and angry girlfriend.

I don't know what I can do to help her through this. I try to be there for her and let her talk to me about her thoughts, but I can't keep asking her everyday for her to give me the same answer every day: "there's no reason to live...". I try to have conversations with her, but she doesn't make any effort.

Please help!

do you think that its possible that these arent episodes, but that she is depressive, and work is mostly an outlet? people with depression tend to find something to pour themselves into, sometimes obsessively.


if so, you may be finding that the distance between the two of you has existed for some time, but is more pronounced, and less easily manageable, with more unstructured time together.


how do they go? it sounds like she kind of shuts them down, with general "the world is a bad place" statements, but what do you say? what is the back and forth like?

I'm not sure that she's depressive as she usually is quite happy and satisfied with her life. Usually she only gets like this once a month or so for a day or a couple of hours. She starts becoming hopeless about the world situation and convinced that her leading a happy life doesn't mean anything when the world as a whole is a foul place due to corruption, social media and other things. But it's become a lot more common for her to fall into this mood nowadays during quarantine, so I'm not sure.

I don't think that there's a distance necessarily. Moreso that I'm in a good mood while she's not, so it's not really expected of her to act happy for my sake. Yesterday I had a good talk with her explaining that I didn't feel like I had been there as much as I'd like for her. She told me that it's okay and that she loves me.

The problem with the conversations is that she gives me yes/no answers without anything for me to riff off of. If we talk about what's wrong and she tells me it's about "the world is bad and it's not worth living...", I end up having no real response. If I try to convince her otherwise, she starts getting irritated/angry with me. If I tell her I understand we end up silent for the next few hours.