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Hi Folks,

Not sure if this is a tool or a manipulation on my part that results in improved behavior of my BPD husband. Here goes:

My husband is Catholic. I am Protestant. I noted - when his mother was still alive - she kept a crucifix next to the front door, just inside the front door. Husb said this was to remind them all as children to behave "nicely" to people.

His brothers still do this. We do not; I have offered to hang his crucifix, he declines.

But in an 'aha moment' I went to my jewelry box and started wearing my gold cross (raised Baptist) and I've noticed when my husband starts to escalate and get mouthy, his eyes go to my cross at my neck and he shuts up. Doesn't necessarily pout and withdraw, just seems to better choose his words.

I'm a Christian, but I usually change out my necklaces, now I'm wearing my cross all the time. It helps remind me of my faith, and seems to help him remember to watch his words.  But is this okay to do?

I don't see why not. Hey, whatever works!  |iiii

I don't see it as a tool or manipulation. I see it as you stumbled into something that reminds you and your husband to be nicer to each other. If it works, keep it up!

Also, I would be hanging crosses around the house.  :)

Not as a manipulation tool but to honor your husband's faith and to remind you both to be nicer. My husband is/was Catholic. I have a cross hung in almost every room of the house.

DH and I were raised Baptist. My son's father is Jewish. My stepchildren's mother (the uNPD/BPD) is Buddhist. Various cousins are Roman Catholic and Muslim and varieties of Protestant. It's a spiritual and religious buffet!

I'm sitting now in a Catholic hospital watching my father struggle with pneumonia. I find the crucifix comforting. I wear a cross often. I think any symbol that reminds us that we want to be a better person is a good thing.

It's definitely not manipulation. I used to wear a cross too(raised Baptist, and attended Baptist school), but I sure didn't notice if making any difference in how BPDh treated me. I wish it did. He's either atheist or agnostic though, probably depends on the day. I wish he'd have some belief system. I think it inspires us to be better.

Maybe I'll hang a few crosses I have. It can't hurt.

I admit that I use a little trick when dealing with my exs. I wear a different aftershave with each. One that they associate with the honeymoon phase. Im not sure how effective it is but I know they have an incredible sense of smell. My ex wife used to say she knew when I came in as she could smell my aftershave as soon as I walked in. I theorised as their sense of smell is so good that it would have some effect. Like I say no real evidence it works but if it puts them off balance for my brief interactions its good enough for me.

 

It works... .go with it.

There was a while... .when it worked for us to stop and pray when things were getting hot. 

it worked for a short while... then she started using religious "digs" at me...

We rarely pray together any more... .

That's a bummer... .

FF