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Title: Wife 1 - NPD. Wife 2& 3 - BPD. Need advice Post by: arsanthony on November 12, 2015, 04:28:08 PM My wife number one was recently diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Meanwhile why is number 2 & 3 have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I have spent 30 years taking care of these women. Now after 6recent brain surgeries, I must heal and learn to love! I want to be loved and not used I need to know what I'm doing wrong in attracting these types of women ! Today I have lost and career as an attorney my law firm my loft profession ship my construction company for kids 10 houses a ranch the list goes on and on I just want to be happy stay away from people that are so sick please help thank you
Title: Wife 1 - NPD. Wife 2& 3 - BPD. Need advice Post by: lbjnltx on November 12, 2015, 05:38:45 PM Are you still with wife #3?
Sorry that you have been through so many years of caretaking and not found a relationship that was mutually beneficial for you. Taking care of self (especially after so much loss and a major surgery) is paramount to your own mental and emotional health (not to mention financial and physical health). We are glad you are here and look forward to supporting you on your journey to discover what you can do to make better choices of people in your life and find your own happiness. lbj Title: Re: Wife 1 - NPD. Wife 2& 3 - BPD. Need advice Post by: an0ught on November 14, 2015, 01:05:17 PM Welcome arsanthony,
there are many reasons why one becomes "repeat offender" and you are not the only one here . Excerpt I have spent 30 years taking care of these women Taking care of others is a good social trait |iiii. Unfortunately it can be abused as well. Most people have some sense of when they are asking too much. PwBPD often ask for much more care than reasonable. Most people have some good basic sense of when to stop giving care. Us caretakers less so. Combine the two and there is a very one sided relationship heading toward exhaustion of the caretaker. But you know that pattern well . Now what can cause one get into such a relationship or even to repeat this again and again? I really don't have the general answer, spent some time thinking about it so here it goes: - childhood experiences affecting attachment. There is plenty of research showing that children (or animals) do attach strongly to erratic abusive parents. - care-taking: Balance of self vs. others. Also set up during childhood. - emotional perceiving: Can play part of an emotional feedback loop (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=221022.0) - lack of boundaries and boundary skills It is often worth understanding what got us to a bad place. With BPD it is not alway easy to understand cause and effect. BPD is an agent of chaos and seeing through that fog at times is impossible. In your situation understanding the past is important but so is improving the now. These are two different journeys that are linked but can be pushed forward independently. For the Staying Board a good starting place are the LESSONS. *welcome*, a0 |